Sandwich Day

Hillary Clinton is president, sir! I thought I would just try to scare you out of it.

This morning, I had to cut my own cantaloupe.

12! You've got to wake up, please!

Oh, God. Marcus Schenkenberg was there. Who?

You were using your treadmill? Yes, and, yes, Pete, I use it every day.

JetFun. Is that the one with the footbaths? Oh, no, that's AirBike. They also have in-flight pornos and NBC news. JetFun's the one that hands out fresh popcorn.

some Rust Belt tramp answered the phone

I want to be top dog for once instead of just... dog.

For once, I am not gonna be Jan Brady. I'm gonna be Marcia, damn it. Oh, my nose! My bad!

Once a year, the Teamsters go to this Italian sandwich shop in Brooklyn. No one knows what it's called or where it is. It's a Teamster secret.

And the dipping sauce. Oh, joy! God bless us, every one!

By the way, you know who hates unicorns? Mark Wahlberg.

I've been sleeping with the Cindy Crawford of corporations for the last 22 years. What am I supposed to do? Just lie down with some skank like 3M?

Good God, I'd rather work for an American car company than jump on that sinking ship.

I will remember you? Will you remember me? Doobie-doo, doobie-doo? Don't let your life pass you by?

I got a company-wide e-mail from the new CEO that was just a link to cats wearing bow ties.

12? Did I hit 12? I wanted, uh... 4012, which is 52, where I work. Business.

Since my surgery, I have to eat slowly or my insides might explode.

Give me it! It's like knives!

Where's my mac and cheese?! But as far as Liz Lemon knows, her sandwich never came.

I'm pretty tired from playing as hard as I work.

You know, maybe we hit that barbecue place you puked at. You'll have to be more specific.

Oh, somebody get me out of this dress! I can't breathe!

Where's my sandwich?! Lutz made us do it! No, it was Frank. No, it was you! I'm a patsy?

the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. Please ask my permission before you quote me, Kenneth.

I don't know how, but you're gonna get me another sandwich, or I'm gonna cut your face up so bad, you'll have a chin. You'll all have chins!

Failure.

There was actually a tornado in Cleveland last week. Destroyed an entire city block... three bowling alleys, a liquor store, and the liquor-store museum.

I haven't stayed up this late since college. And behind this trapdoor, more Orcs.

I read that you guys are getting an lkea. Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it. We've just been burned before.

Now turn and look back at me. Attaboy. Eat it up, Cleveland.

I even stopped to catch a snowflake with my tongue, but, evidently, that's some sort of signal in Chelsea.

I was hit by lightning as a child. They made a movie about me.

a tornado hit downtown Detroit, putting out several fires.

The poor guy got Lemoned... hard.

No, Jenna, I did not come back from the bathroom and hand him my underwear. That's how I met that mobster.

You with the sport coat, you're the girl.

After my junior year at Oberlin, we road-tripped to South by Southwest.

We're not an airline anymore. Wait, wait, wait. One storm? That's all it takes? We're still gonna make popcorn. Just no more airplanes.

A Chinese character that she thinks means 'peace,' but it really means 'I have chlamydia'?

This is more important than me getting home or my partner meeting with Peter Venkman.

And I can't have booze because I'm on antibiotics after having some skanky club sex. He's on antibiotics because he lost his lucky penny and assumed it fell in his ear again.

Your surgery was for an undescended testicle. Wrong again. It was for two undescended testicles.

Peter Venkman... That's from 'Ghostbusters'! You used 'Ghostbusters' for evil!

I'm the Michael Clayton of Cleveland.

Well, I hope your car blows up. I'll move to Cleveland when you get that lkea. Never!

You are vindictive, Liz Lemon!

This smells just like Hill People Milk. I've been drinking this since I was a baby!

You never know when someone's going to slip into a coma and leave you regretting all the things you didn't say or get in writing from the company's lawyers.

What I'm trying to say is you're... young and you still haven't blown it completely, so don't... start now.

That's sort of a cliché. You're sort of a cliché.

You're choosing a sandwich over a guy. Hmm. That is less clichéd.

I can have it all!

God, lady, you're eating foil!

I don't want your car to explode and I don't want you to go into a coma and I don't want to stab you in the face with a giant fork. What? Oh, that's not you. I've been threatening a lot of people lately.

And I wolfed my Teamster sub for you. Wait, no. Is that a saying?