Jonathan

Jonathan · Liz:Jonathan tells Liz to apologize to Jack in a way that makes it seem like it was her own idea — but Jack sent Jonathan to deliver this message.

Jonathan:Jack's assistant is performing a full Irving Berlin number ('There's No Business Like Show Business') as Liz waits in the outer office.

Jack Donaghy · Jonathan:Jack storms in: 'Who let 407 through? Jonathan, we have drills for this!'

Jonathan:Jack goes to Sbarro when he's angry, the New York Stock Exchange when he's horny, and Christie's auction house when he's depressed.

Jonathan:He tried to drop them off at your house last night, but someone pretended not to be home.

Jonathan:And you, of course. [said as an afterthought]

Jonathan · Jack Donaghy:Jonathan describes Jerry Seinfeld's expression to Jack: 'He looks the way you did when I tried to hold your hand on the jet.'

Jack Donaghy · Jonathan:Jack sneaks out of his own office to avoid Seinfeld; Jonathan stalls in the control room by giving a fake tour while clearly on the phone with Jack

Jonathan:Jonathan to Liz about the Floyd phone call: 'That is so embarrassing for you.'

Jack · Jonathan · Liz:Yes, you can. It's easy. Observe. Jonathan, you're fired! / What? No! God, no! No, I won't fire her.

Kenneth · Jonathan:Jonathan... I purchased a replacement pair of Mr. Donaghy's pants. / You must love him as much as I do.

Jack · Jonathan:Jack's phone plays 'Jingle Bells' — he tries to dismiss the caller by saying 'Tell her I'm...' but then recognizes it's his mother calling

Jonathan:Then Jack will be CEO, and I will be king of the assistants!

Jonathan · Liz:Jonathan, did someone turn the heat up? / No idea. / Where I'm from, we don't notice the heat. / That's interesting. I didn't know it was hot in Assholevania.

Jonathan:He was a major TV star in the '40s, '50s and the fall of 1972.

Jonathan:He insists on singing. / He insists on singing.

Jonathan · Jack:Jonathan playing 'I Will Remember You' on a recorder as Jack walks away

Jonathan:I'll be here? In sunshine or in shadow?

Jonathan · Liz Lemon:Your credit card called. They want to make sure you're the one buying cream soda in bulk. — I sure am.

Jonathan · Liz Lemon:Your landlord called. He said it is not the toilet, it's you. — That's his opinion.

Jonathan:You said I'd never amount to anything! Look at me now! Look at this necklace! / Sir, this is a school for deaf girls.

Jonathan:I definitely would have gone to my reunion. But the boat I was educated on sank.

Jonathan:You won't be coming in at all? But what about 'Jackonathon?'

Jonathan:Oh yes, I keep a VCR so I can watch your old football tapes.

Jack · Jonathan:Jonathan, what is that camcorder for? — Nothing. I don't know.

Jonathan · Elisa (on video):She came by earlier, she asked me to give you this, she said to just press 'play.' — Hi Jack, I'm on my way to Puerto Rico. I'm sorry. Yesterday was crazy, lots of emotion. I think maybe you asked me what you asked me out of panic. So I'm gonna go see my family and give us both a chance to think about everything.

Elisa (on video) · Jack · Jonathan:Adios mi amor. / Aww, how do you turn this damn thing off? / No! That's personal.

Jack · Liz · Jonathan:Jack: 'Be friends with Batman.' Liz: 'There's still a couple of hours.' Jack: 'Jonathan, could you get Adam West's agent on the phone, please?'

Jonathan · Jack Donaghy:Jonathan singing 'Can't Leave If Living Is Without You' after being fired, with a final dramatic 'I can't live!'

Jonathan:Jonathan: 'She had me make dinner reservations for tonight. And by night, I mean 4:30 this afternoon.'

Jonathan:Jonathan: 'Evidently, the concierge at the Plaza has a beard, and she'd rather not get raped.'

Jack Donaghy · Jonathan:i didn't think it would end like this, jonathan. not with a bang, but with a whimper. a whimper indeed, jack.

Jack · Jonathan:Jack to his assistant: 'I don't want your sleeve to catch on fire.' Response: 'You know me well, sir. I often know what you're going to do before you do it.'

Jack · Jonathan:Jonathan: 'What am I going to do next?' simultaneously with Jack: 'What am I going to do next?'

Jonathan:I tried once. I bought him a $95 bottle of olive oil. In return, he got my sister out of a North Korean jail!

Jonathan:Even if I get into law school, I won't go!

Jonathan · Jack Donaghy:how was your new year's, sir? / perfect. / oh my god!

Jack Donaghy · Kenneth Parcell · Jonathan:kenneth, jonathan, i need one of you to help me with a very special assignment. / i hope it's me. / but i'm honored just to be standing here with you.

Jack Donaghy · Kenneth Parcell · Jonathan:using these hangers, prove that you are lithe enough to accompany me to waltham. [Kenneth successfully squeezes through] / it's kenneth! / [Jonathan fails] / you sicken me.

Jack Donaghy · Jonathan:Jack's assistant Jonathan asks 'are you and I exchanging...' — Jack cuts him off with 'No.'

Jonathan · Liz:Jonathan's excuse for Frank: 'On his way to work, he found some magic beans, and because he believed in them...' — then gets cut off with 'Ship up.'

Jack · Jonathan:'Maybe we're the last people on earth. Maybe we are legend. You're Will Smith and I'm the dog.'

Jonathan · Jack:Jonathan says if anything should happen to him, he wants Jack to read 'Oh, the Places You'll Go' at his funeral; Jack flatly refuses.

Jonathan:Jonathan sings a little song to himself while downloading Geiss's schedule: '# Jonathan downloads Geiss' schedule / Mr. Donaghy will be grateful #'

Jonathan · Jack Donaghy:Jack apologizes for letting 'a Kashmiri into your office' — the janitor Khonani — as if it's a security breach

Liz Lemon · Jonathan:Wait, it's Mother's Day already? Did you forget? Colleen is gonna kill you.

Jack Donaghy · Jonathan:There's still time. Jonathan. Jonathan, call the florist, and order a dozen--no. Necktie. Too late, Jackie.

Jonathan:Jonathan defends his presence near Bookman: 'But, sir, I was born in Palo Alto.'

Jonathan:A Mr. Brett Favre stopped by, and dropped off this picture of a hot dog.

Jonathan · Jack Donaghy:Also your pharmacy called, apparently you can't get a prescription for ecstasy. / Thanks, Obamacare.

Jonathan:If you need somebody to scream at, I'm right here.

Jonathan:Jonathan explaining Jack's 'Reaganing' streak: 'Starting at 4:00 p.m. Yesterday, when Mr. Donaghy coined the word innoventually, he has been flawless.'

Liz Lemon · Jonathan:'So why do I have to leave?' 'Because you have so many unsolvable problems. Like your mouth. It looks like someone kicked a hole in a bag of flour!'

Jack Donaghy · Jonathan:'And I'm including sex last night.' [hands over Avery's thank-you note] 'She likes that?' 'No. But she respects it when it's done correctly.'

Jonathan · Jack:Sir, I have dreamed of this moment... But my fear is that you don't have enough ambition.

Jonathan:No, watch! I'll cut off my pinky and tell him it's yours.

Jonathan · Jack:I'd love for you to be my mentor, sir. But unfortunately, I already have one. / Stop calling me!

Jonathan:I thought you said you didn't need any more friends.

Jonathan · Jack:Would you like some cake? Yeah. Cake boy!

Jonathan:Was it in Indian Kashmir? May Durga's trident pierce them from the skies!

Jonathan:Jonathan: 'Sir, you need to see this, even if it ruins whatever you had planned for Secretary's Day, like a poem you wrote for me or whatever.'

Jack · Jonathan:Jack upon learning Avery is detained: 'I told her to stay. I didn't want her at home. This is my fault.' Jonathan: 'Sir, if you say one more syllable, that's a haiku.'

Jonathan:Oh, you've just made a very dangerous enemy, Kenneth.

Jonathan · Jack:What are you doing? That's my job. / Jonathan volunteered to clean up so you could come over again tonight, right, Jonathan?

Jonathan · Jack:My grandmother was seriously ill. I went to Salinas to feed and bathe her. / I'm sorry. / I still don't like you.

Jonathan · Jack:Jonathan shows Jack the group email recipient list: 'hip420@brooklyn.beard', 'ryunloktee... misspelled... @swimteam.org', 'kentremendous@fremulon.biz'

Jonathan · Unnamed visitor:Jonathan reveals he was once caught by a visitor in a wedding dress, dancing with one of Jack's suits

Liz Lemon · Jonathan:Liz reveals she caught Jonathan (Jack's assistant) in a wedding dress, dancing with one of Jack's suits late at night

Jonathan · Liz Lemon:Jonathan immediately says 'Mr. Donaghy will see you now' after Liz's wedding dress revelation

Jonathan:Jonathan enters Jack's office screaming 'There! You're no longer special to him! Get out! Get out of our lives! Yes!'