Jonathan

Liz · Jonathan:But he sent you here to tell me to apologize. Exactly. I penciled you in for 3:00. This conversation never happened.

Jonathan:He seems very taken with Floyd. And you, of course.

Jonathan:He looks the way you did when I tried to hold your hand on the jet.

Jack · Jonathan:Bob Logan from Texas Instruments is gonna be there? Logan must be in contention for the CEO spot as well.

Jack · Jonathan:when I say subway, you say hero. / - Subway. - Hero?

Jonathan:He was a major tv star in the '40s, '50s and the fall of 1972

Jonathan:I will remember you? Will you remember me? Doobie-doo, doobie-doo? Don't let your life pass you by?

Jonathan:You won't be coming in at all? But what about 'Jackonathon?'

Jonathan:Nothing. I don't know.

Jonathan · Jack:But I thought you were the oldest, sir. Oldest boy.

Jonathan · Jack:Can't leave if living is without you / okay, last verse, jonathan. / i can't live!

Jonathan:Evidently, the concierge at the plaza 'has a beard,' and she'd rather not get raped.

Jonathan:let's hit the meadowlands racetrack on the way home. i've got a betting system based on horse penis size.

Jonathan:yes, but i have a system.

Jack · Jonathan:not with a bang, but with a whimper. a whimper indeed, jack.

Jonathan:I tried once. I bought him a $95 bottle of olive oil. In return, he got my sister out of a North Korean jail!

Jonathan:Even if I get into law school, I won't go!

Jonathan:One time, I ran over an old lady in Arizona and just kept driving.

Jonathan:Maybe we are legend. You're Will Smith and I'm the dog

Jonathan:But if anything should happen to me, I want you to read, Oh, the Places You'll Go at my funeral

Jonathan:I apologize for letting a Kashmiri into your office.

Jonathan:But, sir, I was born in Palo Alto.

Unknown character · Jonathan:Yeah, hurry up, Aladdin. Before Jasmine is forced to marry Jafar.

Jonathan:Does it mean that what happened can be used to power a lumbermill?

Jonathan:We put a bunch of people on a plane, fly them over the Atlantic, then Tom Bergeron comes out and reveals that the pilot is a six year-old boy. We call it 'Child Hell Flight.'

Jack · Jonathan:My pinky. - No, sir. - Then you wouldn't be perfect anymore.

Jonathan:No, watch! I'll cut off my pinky and tell him it's yours.

Jonathan:I thought you said you didn't need any more friends.

Jonathan:Halliburton, bitch. So what?

Jonathan:Oh, so gay men can't be conservative? You're so 'norant. That's short for ignorant.

Jonathan:May Durga's trident pierce them from the skies!

Jonathan:Sir, if you say one more syllable, that's a haiku.

Jonathan:Oh, you've just made a very dangerous enemy, Kenneth

Jonathan:Hey, Mrs. Dongy, you wan' come on down my birfday party?

Jonathan · Jack:My grandmother was seriously ill. I went to Salinas to feed and bathe her. - I'm sorry. - I still don't like you.

Jack · Jonathan:This woman is pokemoning me. She's blind-copied you, but if you just click this plus sign...

Jonathan · Colleen:Well, she's wearing it pulled back, but it's not working. Exactly, because of her ears.

Liz · Jonathan:"I never told you this, but I once came up late at night looking for Jack, and you were in a wedding dress dancing with one of his suits."

Jonathan:"They burned you in effigy! The hair went up like a Roman candle."

Liz · Jonathan:I never told you this, but I once came up late at night looking for Jack, and you were in a wedding dress dancing with one of his suits.

Jonathan:There! You're no longer special to him. Get out! Get out of our lives! Yes!