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Everything look like a mexican soap opera.

God, I can see every line and pore on your face!

You look like a YMCA climbing wall.

What is that word? Brains.

Remember what happened that time I tried to give up refined sugars?

Looking good, Liz.

Our bodies, we don't want all that processed junk. I don't know if you've read Michael Pollan... Who wants donuts? I'll kill you!

How come you better-looking in your memory? My memory has Seinfeld money.

And therefore, Avery has got me this very nice tea set, some knitting needles and yarn and a book on sleight-of-hand magic.

That's as far as I've gotten.

I'm dreading watching it sober.

I seem to have forgotten to put you on it.

Yeah, hurry up, Aladdin. Before Jasmine is forced to marry Jafar.

Are you turning 1,000?

Really, you want to play this game with a comedy writer?

Yes, bullet in brain move. Much hospital.

Happy days is my favorite show.

His office is bathroom, just like Jadwiga.

A Mr. Brett Favré stopped by, and dropped off this picture of a hot dog.

I guess they're geniuses for getting stuck in a mine.

Thanks, Obama care.

Of course, not. His album doesn't drop until December.

It was even funnier than the porn version

You should have. Those dudes were awesome.

I swear on my mother's grape. - Did you say grave or grape? - Yes, good-bye.

It was Angels in America, Tray!

Whoever standing next to him, it's stupid! That guy is stupid. Now, she is. Now they are. Now I were.

Wait, did I just hear that correctly? Because last year, I wrote a song called It's your Birthday, Slut.

You say that it's your birthday Time to skank it up hard Choke a cup with your panties

Did you just knit that?

Get out of here!

Fox News. A division of Fox nonsense incorporated.

I'm doing something called 'breaking'!

But couldn't the real cause of E.D. be that we haven't produced a good doing-it song since Close the Door by Teddy Pendergrass?

Tie me to my radiator and put food just out of reach

I lookout for her, we're friends with benefits.

They're rich and they have attention deficit disorder.

Did you say scout or krout?

The in-flight meal was a frittata. Oh, my God. At night?

I also need you to TiVO Bones for me in case I survive.

I was on stage in Pippin with Irene Ryan when she died, and I kept on going.

Sit on it.

It gives these ability to hit on women and later when we're married to tune them out.

Damn you, she-beasts!

Yes, but my penis was smaller.

I could really drink a forty right now.

My Oprah wig is falling off!

It is nipple time!

Number of which became available after a giant explosion at a Josh Groban's concert.

Does it mean that what happened can be used to power a lumbermill?

The capital one venture card is amazing. They give double miles every day for every purchase!

You stole an old cleaning lady's birthday just to make me happy? In my defense, yes.

You may turn me into a crow.

You're halfway to death.