Walter 'Dot Com' Slattery

Tracy Jordan · Grizz · Dotcom:Yo, what's young Larry doing these days? / He's in Jay-Z's entourage. / What about Cheese? / He's rolling with Ghostface Killer now. / Fatballz? / Studying hotel administration at Cornell. / Well, go ahead, Fatballz! That's a good program.

Tracy Jordan · Dotcom · Grizz:What is the world's only egg-laying mammal? / The Easter bunny! / Right again! That's a green pie piece.

Grizz · Dotcom:Grizz and Dotcom's sketch pitch: 'We open on a lone soldier walking through the desert. The year: 1861. The place: Mars.'

Grizz · Dotcom · Various:The gossip-spreading montage — a rapid-fire sequence of bleeped phone calls, text messages, and conversations spreading the T.I. rumor across New York within seconds.

Jack · Tracy · Dotcom · Jack:And let none of us forget the GOP is the party of Lincoln. / Lincoln was a Republican? / Actually, today's Republican party would be unrecognizable to Lincoln. He fought a war to preserve federal authority over the states. That's not exactly small government. / Dotcom, this need you have to be the smartest guy in the room is... off-putting.

Dotcom:I guess that's why I'm still single.

Jack · Dotcom:Had he really not put that together? Tracy's is a tactile-kinesthetic learning style... Dotcom... so help me God.

Kenneth · Dotcom · Grizz:Dotcom refuses to get Grizz extra mustard as part of their fight; Kenneth mediates: 'He'll never get mustard. Except for the mustard that comes with the sandwich.'

Kenneth · Dotcom:Dotcom: 'I didn't say—' Kenneth: 'I knew this would happen someday. A woman would come between us.'

Dotcom:Dotcom's solution to the tattoo problem: draw a mane around Angie's face with a marker to make it look like a lion named 'Tangiers'

Tracy · Dotcom:Tracy rejects 'Tangiers' because 'I own a gay lion!' / Then Dotcom explains: 'The Moroccan national soccer team is the Lions. Tangiers is in Morocco. So, yeah, I guess I'm an idiot.'

Tracy · Liz · Dotcom:Tracy reveals the tattoo — apparently a full-face portrait of Angie on his chest, with the lion makeover already done: 'Wow, that is one gay lion.'

Grizz · Dotcom:Grizz calls Liz an 'ice queen'; Dotcom: 'I told you she would turn cold.'

Tracy Jordan · Grizz · Dotcom · Kenneth Parcell:Tracy: A high school graduate. Do you know what this means? Grizz, Dotcom, Ken? / We're going to college! / [Thinking]: And so began the craziest summer of my life.

Tracy · Rolly · Dotcom:So Rolly, where are you from? Brooklyn. Right on, my brother. My dear friend, Moby, opened up a tea house in Park Slope. Does he know you?

Dotcom:Yes, Tracy. I was Trigorin in The Seagull on the Wesleyan Artspace mainstage.

Dotcom:He will know. [Dotcom looking ominously at Tracy]

Dotcom:The great Uta Hagen once said... 'is why I'd like to audition for TGS.' Walter, you idiot. You lost a card.

Dotcom:I thank you for treating my requests with respect.

Tracy Jordan · Dotcom · Grizz · Kenneth:Tracy's 'creative team' meeting about EGOT with Dotcom and Grizz: 'Dotcom, research update... Kenneth, synthesize Grizz's analysis.' The elaborate research structure producing the conclusion 'They're all composers.'

Tracy Jordan · Dotcom:dotcom, do you ever read books by women? / but george eliot was a woman.

Grizz · Dotcom:Grizz and Dotcom are asked to 'pretend to be bouncers' for the TGS VIP room. Dotcom: 'Maybe someday we'll live in a world where you ask us to pretend to be scientists.'

Dotcom · Tracy:Dotcom: 'Come to think of it, I saw a white judge on Law & Order last night.' Tracy: 'Oh, yeah, it's back on! Get ready, son.'

Liz · Tracy · Dotcom:The Disney Princess debate: 'There actually hasn't been a white princess since 1991.' / Tracy and group: 'Tiana, Mulan, Pocahontas, Jasmine... Wow, she's right!'

Tracy Jordan · Grizz · Dotcom:Tracy and his entourage can't open the hospital room door — extended bit about pulling vs. button, ending with 'Oh, it's upside down. My bad.'

Dotcom:Tracy's production company name: 'Dotcom Productions. That's Tracy Jordan spelled backwards.'

Tracy Jordan · Dotcom:Tonight I'm gonna laugh harder... tonight than I did at Dotcom's play. / It was Angels in America, Tray!

Tracy Jordan · Dotcom:The Empire State Building will be lit in the color of your choosing. — Clear.

Dotcom · Tracy Jordan:Sea World will now let you borrow a killer whale for Spring Break. I'll need a whale saddle.

Dotcom · Tracy Jordan:Steven Spielberg wants you to star in his next movie. — Kate Capshaw's husband?

Tracy Jordan · Liz Lemon · Dotcom:It will probably involve the guitar-playing chimpanzee that I bought this morning. — No. — Uh, hold on. Dotcom is confirming that he drowned.

Dotcom:Al Sharpton would denounce him at a press conference on the street because Al Sharpton doesn't have an office.

Dotcom · Grizz · Kenneth:'Smooth move, Ferguson' — an inside joke from the entourage that Tracy doesn't understand

Grizz · Dotcom · Kenneth · Tracy:'Smooth move, Ferguson.' [Grizz, Dotcom, and Kenneth burst out laughing; Tracy has no idea what this means]

Tracy · Dotcom · Grizz:The explanation of 'Smooth move, Ferguson': 'the delivery guy tripped, and then Mr. Griswald said, "Smooth move, Ferguson."' Tracy: 'That story is not funny.'

Tracy · Dotcom:Tracy recognizes Kim Jong-il: 'Hey, what's my boy KJ doing on TV?' / 'That's Kim Jong-il.' / 'Yeah. We did a movie together that he directed and co-starred in.'

Tracy · Dotcom · Grizz · Kenneth:'Never go away again.' Tracy: 'Don't ever tell me what to do! Quad hug, me in the middle!'

Tracy · Dotcom:Tracy's birthday invitation reads 'Give to charity please, no presents' — he meant 'Give to charity? Please, no. Presents!'

Dotcom:'You already have everything. I mean, you just bought Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's bones, and he's not even dead.'

Tracy · Dotcom:Dotcom: 'I wanted for nothing as a child, but that brings its own challenges.' Tracy: 'Shut up, Dotcom.'

Tracy · Dotcom:Dotcom: 'You've got a family.' Tracy: 'Great, another thing that I've already got. Thanks for making this situation worse.'

Tracy · Dotcom:Tracy: 'Why didn't you just tell us back in your dressing room?' Dotcom: 'Because showing is better than telling, and my schedule is light this week.'

Dotcom · Tracy:Mr. Jordan, you'll never spend all this by midnight. You appeared in that ad for nothing. / Well, the joke's on you because that commercial never aired for unexplained reasons.

Writer · Tracy · Writer · Dotcom:We've only spent $6000. We should just give up. / Never. / We can't keep eating! / Lutz's shirt button popped off and hit Cerie. It counts as us touching.

Tracy · Dotcom:Everybody's always telling me not to get paid in gift cards. Angie, my lawyer, my imaginary friend, Dotcom. / Tray, I'm real. I moved your furniture.

Tracy · Dotcom · Tracy · Tracy · Dotcom · Tracy:One Leap Day when I was a kid, the Harlem River froze, and I decided to cross it carrying my brick collection. / I told him not to. / No one can hear you, Dotcom. / Then I fell through the ice. They still don't know who pulled me out. / I did. / Charlie Rangel gave me a medal.

Tracy · Tracy · Dotcom · Tracy · Tracy:Remember where I came from. / But we all came from the sea. Sea? Like the letter 'C', which is part of the alphabet. Alphabet soup. Soup kitchen. Kitchen... / No, no, don't keep going. / The kitchen debate with Richard Nixon. Richard M. Nixon. The M-train. Soul train. Chicken soup for the soul. Chicken soup. Soup kitchen. / This is a Leap Day miracle!

Dotcom:Midnight symphony. You are the conductor of your own proud African orchestra.

Dotcom:Tracy, that's awesome. Stanford's a great school. I didn't even get in, and I was first in my class. Although, only seven of us graduated that year because of a bad mono outbreak which somehow missed me, despite all the frenching I did.

Tracy Jordan · Dotcom:Really, Dotcom? How did your city council campaign go? / Well, as far as raising the level of discourse in this city? I'd say it was a great success.

Tracy Jordan · Dotcom:I wish I had a father to talk to. But Liz Lemon is the only person I know who even has a father. / Well, Mr. Jordan, speaking from experience, All My Children... was cancelled.

Dotcom · Tracy:You were named 'Man of the Year' by the 'Journal of the Aryan Patriot Party.'

Tracy · Dotcom:It's an honor to finally meet you, Questlove. / Tracy, this is Dr. Cornel West.

Dotcom · Tracy:What about Frederick Douglass? / A guy with two first names? Next.

Museum Guide · Tracy · Dotcom:That dress belonged to Rosa Parks. She's one of my personal heroes. / I think I found my role model. / Good choice. / Shut up, Dotcom. I'm not talking about her. I'm talking about me looking funny in this reflection.

Dotcom:Dammit-I'll-Pick-A-Name-Later Dotcom Productions.

Tracy Jordan · Dotcom:Tracy: 'When I went up to Ken's office earlier, I saw his schedule on his assistant's pornography box!' / Dotcom: 'You mean computer?' / Tracy: 'Whatever.'

Dotcom · Tracy Jordan:Dotcom: 'Unless you need us to hate the new Taylor Swift album. That girl has feelings. You're wrong, Dotcom!'

Tracy Jordan · Dotcom:Tracy: 'I saw his schedule on his assistant's pornography box!' / Dotcom: 'You mean computer?'

Dotcom · Tracy Jordan:'Put yourself in Kenneth's shoes.' / 'I can't! He's not here! Stop torturing me!'

Dotcom:'Unless you need us to hate the new Taylor Swift album. That girl has feelings.'