The Ones

Jack · Jeweler:Jeweler responds to Jack's request for an engagement ring with 'Are you sure?'

Liz · Jack:'Maybe you should have had a ring the first time you proposed. Then Elisa wouldn't have said no.' / 'She didn't say no, she said we should think about it.' / 'Yeah, that does not mean yes. In my experience, "let's think about it" usually ends up with me watching Solid Gold in my basement on prom night.'

Jack · Liz:'I've coined a new term to describe what Elisa is to me... The One.' / 'Yeah, you should be a writer.'

Jack · Elisa · Jeweler:A woman (Elisa) hurls herself at the engagement ring display case and gets her finger caught in a vent — 'She's very spirited... like a show horse.'

Jack · Jeweler:'Oh, no, no. She's not the bride. This is the one I am marrying.' / 'Oh. My apologies, sir. Please follow me to the real showroom.'

Elisa:'My finger is caught in the vent!' — Elisa's line recurring after they've moved on

Liz:'I was gonna go to the gym later so I deserve a treat.'

Liz:'What? No, allergies are psychosomatic. The only reason I'm allergic to dogs is because one bit me the first time I got my period.'

Frank:'If I have a strawberry, my throat shuts up faster than a girl in math class.'

Lutz · Liz:The cousin Stephanie walnut story that gets cut off: 'You know, if my cousin Stephanie eats a walnut her throat shuts up faster than a Filipino at a...' / 'Guys! Come on. Not okay.'

Frank or writer:'Don't worry, no food in here, Kenneth... just a donut box with a mouse in it.'

Lutz:Lutz hears 'donuts' and happily announces 'Awesome, donuts!' — then presumably gets pranked by the mouse

Tracy:'She was working at the Dyker Heights Arthur Treacher's and I was residing there.'

Tracy:The anniversary gift options: 'It's either going to be a denim jacket that says "Hot Bitch" in diamonds... or a Slanket.'

Tracy:'You are wise, Liz Lemon, like a genetically-manipulated shark.'

Tracy · Liz · Elisa:Tracy gives Liz a gift — implied to be something absurd/inappropriate (a Puerto Rican flag or novelty item based on reaction) — then Elisa appears unexpectedly

Elisa:'I haven't spoken English in two menses.'

Liz · Elisa:Liz guesses Elisa's terrible secret: 'Are you a man?' / 'Really? That's your guess? A man?' / 'You want to see me naked?' / 'Sort of.'

Elisa:'I don't think I have the strength to tell it to his head.'

Elisa · Liz:Elisa thanks Liz for doing 'what I cannot' and says 'Good-bye forever, Liz Lemon' — then leaves

Jenna:'You're a big fan of mine and you're not gay? Not even bi-curious?'

Jenna's fan · Jenna:'I've got all your albums even the one you did with Phil Spector. I still think that would have sold much better if he had shot me in the face.'

Jenna's fan · Jenna:Fan: 'Well, I'm glad you didn't get shot in the face.' / Jenna: 'Thank you.' / Fan: 'But if you had, I would have liked to have gotten that call. That would have been nice.'

Jenna · Kenneth:Breaking news: Jenna's animal rescue shelter is allegedly supplying quesadilla meat to amusement parks

Jenna's fan · Fan's friend:The fan steals pens and drags his friend away: 'Dude, we've got to go, man. I stole some pens.'

Jenna's fan · Lutz:The fan gives Lutz his phone number to pass to Jenna before leaving

Jack:Wig-Go.com: 'All anybody posted on it were penises.'

Elisa · Jack:Elisa bursts in declaring 'I'm back. Let's get married.' and Jack plans to 'carbo-load for the reunion sex'

Elisa · Liz:Elisa to Liz: 'Now, don't dare say anything about what I told you about my secret.' / Liz: 'I'm not going to because you have to.'

Liz:Liz is caught singing 'Baby cried the day the circus came to town' alone in a room

Jenna:'I called 911. They wouldn't even connect me to their celebrity service.'

Pete · Jenna:Pete tells Jenna the psychiatrist's 'sociopath test' — a woman kills her father to see a man again at his funeral — as if it's advice

Jenna · Pete:'Thanks for the advice!' / 'No, no, no, that wasn't advice. But of course, she'd also have to kill her father's doorman and anyone else who might have seen her. And you, for giving her the idea in the first place.'

Liz · Tracy:Liz wearing a Slanket: 'Liz Lemon, you dummy. I'm wearing it as a joke.'

Tracy · Liz:Angie wants a tattoo of her face on Tracy's chest — 'I can't have this on my chest scaring off beautiful women in the clubs.'

Liz · Tracy:'What do you want me to say, Tracy... "I'm sorry I made it harder for you to cheat on your wife?"' / 'That's a start, Liz Lemon. That's a start.'

Kenneth:'Strawberries!' — Kenneth shouting while going into anaphylactic shock

Kenneth:'My real name... is Dick Whitman.'

Jack · Liz:Jack asks Liz about Elisa's secret — specifically worrying about 'a secret desire to keep her maiden name'

Liz:'Elisa has a terrible secret. My current theory is she's the mother of those Michael Jackson kids.'

Jack:'Blue writing on green. Why?'

Jack · Liz:'Call that cleaning lady back. We need somebody who speaks Spanish.' / 'I speak Spanish.' / 'Puerto Rican!'

Jack:'I'm so sorry to tell you such a dark tale while wearing such a silly t-shirt.'

Elisa:'I was married once and I killed my husband.'

Elisa:'You know me, Jack. I'm a Catholic. I take the bonds of marriage very seriously.'

Jack · Elisa:Jack: 'Why aren't you in jail?' / Elisa: 'They threw my case out. I couldn't get an impartial jury after that song about me came out.'

Elisa:The song 'Elisa, Elisa, La Viuda Negra' plays — apparently a real hit

Jack:'My God, I already put my wedding announcement in Cigar Aficionado.'

Dotcom:Dotcom's solution to the tattoo problem: draw a mane around Angie's face with a marker to make it look like a lion named 'Tangiers'

Tracy · Dotcom:Tracy rejects 'Tangiers' because 'I own a gay lion!' / Then Dotcom explains: 'The Moroccan national soccer team is the Lions. Tangiers is in Morocco. So, yeah, I guess I'm an idiot.'

Jack · Liz:'Have you ever met anyone that's killed somebody?' / 'I think my grandpa may have but he never really liked to talk about what happened at... Kent State.'

Jack:'So she had one bad day... somewhere, right now, a guy is on a J-date with Monica Lewinsky. Nobody's perfect.'

Jack:'I'm 50. To put it in perspective, that's like 32 for ladies.'

Jack · Liz Lemon:Jack: 'How many more Elisas am I going to meet?' / Liz: 'Okay, well... God bless.' / Jack: 'Nobody ever said you did, Lemon.'

Jenna:'Like on a sheik's pleasure yacht. Thank you.'

Liz:'It's not product placement. I just like it.'

Jack:Jack's fantasy excuse for cheating: 'What if I find myself stranded in a snow cave with a stern but comely lady geologist, both of us knowing that our only chance for survival is the heat from our naked bodies?'

Jack · Tracy:Jack tells Tracy his fiancée murdered her ex-husband for cheating; Tracy says 'Continue.'

Tracy:'Jesus is my stereo guy and The Wilderness is a club I took him to once.'

Kenneth · EMTs · Jenna:Kenneth goes into 'acute strawberry shock' and the EMTs threaten to cut off his hands and he'll 'have to learn how to urinate with his feet'

Fake EMT / Pranksman:The fake EMT declares: 'We're gonna have to cut off his hands to get the sickness out. He's gonna have to learn how to urinate with his feet.'

Jenna:Jenna's confession: 'I'm just a girl... standing in front of a boy she poisoned so this other boy would go to town on her.'

Pete:'Thank God... "sociopath" downgraded to "extreme narcissist."'

Kenneth:'Is that a thing?' — Kenneth's reaction to hearing about 'The Pranksmen'

Tracy · Jack · Club woman:A woman approaches Tracy and his friend at a club: 'Hey, Tray, you and your friend want to party later?' / Tracy: 'Sure thing, baby. Give the kid a call, hmm? Holla.' — then hands her Jack's number

Tracy Jordan:Tracy to Jack: 'You can have all of this whenever you want. Or... you can marry that nice lady that you're in love with. It's up to you.'

Jack:'This is decadent and I once went to Miami with Darryl Strawberry.'

Tracy:Tracy's terrible secret: 'In the 20 years that I've known her... I've never cheated on my wife. There, I said it. Don't look at me.'

Tracy:'The partying is just for show... and because I'm a high-functioning alcoholic.'

Tracy:'So can you because I'm a ridiculous, unstable human being. What is wrong with me?'

The Pranksmen · Kenneth:The Pranksmen's escalating revenge on Kenneth: strawberry juice in his chickpeas, water, and harmonica

Kenneth · Pranksman:Kenneth: 'My what?' / Pranksman: 'Oh, you mean your mouth radio?'

Jenna · Kenneth:Jenna poisoned Kenneth because she thought the paramedic was 'The One' — completing the episode title theme

Jenna Maroney · Kenneth:Jenna's apology to Kenneth: 'I just want you to know that I would not do this to you for just any guy... I really thought that he was... The One.'

Jenna:'It hurts more than my foot Botox to know that he's out there and I have no way to find him.'

Jenna · Paramedic:'Earn... this.' — Jenna's paramedic appears while she's in crisis

Liz:# Working on my night cheese, Mmm, mmm...# — Liz singing about eating cheese at night

Jack · Liz:Jack shows up at Liz's apartment at 4am after a night of clubbing to talk about his relationship

Jack:'His life is like Enron, 1999. It's wild.'

Elisa:Elisa bursts in angry: 'How are you so quiet when your parades are so loud?'

Elisa · Liz:Elisa accuses Jack and Liz of a sexual relationship: 'I knew your relationship was too weird not to be sexual!' / Liz: 'Yeah, I mean, come on. Look at me.'

Liz Lemon:Liz: 'Yeah, I mean, come on. Look at me. Ooh.'

Jack:Jack: 'Lemon, isn't there a Slanket somewhere you should be filling with your farts? Shoo.'

Elisa:Elisa: 'Maybe this is my curse. I love too deeply... And eventually it makes me loco for Choco-Puffs.'

Jack:Jack breaks up with Elisa: 'if tonight is what it's going to be like, obviously, engagement-wise, we are not going to forge ahead.'

Elisa · Jack:Elisa: 'Is it my English or was that not a great breaking-up speech?' / Jack: 'It was your English. That was quite moving.'

Jenna · Kenneth:Jenna: 'I had an amazing date last night and it's all thanks to Kenneth.' / Kenneth: 'Oh, it was nothing. Sure, I was legally dead for five minutes but I did it for true love.'

Jenna · Kenneth:The paramedic has sole custody of a five-year-old son, so Jenna's interest ends — 'Wait a minute, you were dead?' as her response to Kenneth's clinical death revelation

Kenneth:Kenneth: 'I think I brought something back with me.' — implying he returned from clinical death with something supernatural

Tracy · Liz:Tracy arrives without a shirt, explains 'No' to going home and 'at large' to his shirt's whereabouts

Tracy · Liz · Dotcom:Tracy reveals the tattoo — apparently a full-face portrait of Angie on his chest, with the lion makeover already done: 'Wow, that is one gay lion.'

Liz Lemon:Liz: 'Wow, that is one gay lion.'