Jack goes shopping for an engagement ring, for Elisa, with Liz. Elisa tells Liz a secret, and a prank results in an injury back at TGS.
73 jokes in 23 minutes: absurdist density meets character-driven dark comedy.
Directed by Beth McCarthy-Miller · Written by Jack Burditt
WAR
76.3
Wins Above Replacement
“The Ones” ranks #86 of 138 30 Rock episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 83.9 — Elite. The episode packs 73 scored jokes at 3.2 per minute, averaging 7.2 on craft and 6.9 on impact, with Liz landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Tracy: In the 20 years that I've known her... I've never cheated on my wife.
Tracy Misdirection Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jenna: I'm just a girl... standing in front of a boy she poisoned so this other boy would go to town on her.
Jenna Callback Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Elisa: I was married once and I killed my husband.
Elisa Dark/Subversive Misdirection ★ Rewatch Tracy · Tracy: And you're going to be tempted like Jesus in the wilderness. / Jesus is my stereo guy and The Wilderness is a club I took him to once.
Jack: What if I find myself stranded in a snow cave with a stern but comely lady geologist, both of us knowing that our only chance for survival is the heat from our naked bodies?
Jack Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 73 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ jewelry store employee: Are you sure?
Jack: In my experience, 'let's think about it' usually ends up with me watching Solid Gold in my basement on prom night.
Jack Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jack: In fact, I've coined a new term to describe what Elisa is to me... The One.
Jack Absurdist Character Comedy jewelry store employee: Yeah, you should be a writer.
character unknown: Whoa! Check out the bling... or whatever it's called now.
character unknown: Physical comedy sequence with ring getting stuck in vent
Jack: She's very spirited... like a show horse.
Jack Character Comedy Observational Jack: Oh, no, no. She's not the bride. This is the one I am marrying.
Jack Misdirection Character Comedy jewelry store employee: Please follow me to the real showroom.
Kenneth · Liz: Oh, Miss Lemon, we can't have coconut products out anymore because of staff allergies. / What? No, allergies are psychosomatic.
Liz: The only reason I'm allergic to dogs is because one bit me the first time I got my period.
Liz Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Kenneth: If I have a strawberry, my throat shuts up faster than a girl in math class.
Kenneth Wordplay/Pun Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Kenneth · others: You know, if my cousin Stephanie eats a walnut her throat shuts up faster than a Filipino at a... / Guys! Come on. Not okay.
character unknown: Don't worry, no food in here, Kenneth... just a donut box with a mouse in it.
Tracy: She was working at the Dyker Heights Arthur Treacher's and I was residing there.
Tracy Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Tracy: It's either going to be a denim jacket that says 'Hot Bitch' in diamonds... Or a Slanket.
Tracy Absurdist Character Comedy Tracy: You are wise, Liz Lemon like a genetically-manipulated shark.
Tracy Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Liz: I'll take that Slanket, too, if you're not going to use it.
Liz Character Comedy Observational Elisa: Actually, Lemon... three weeks ago.
Elisa Misdirection Setup/Punchline Elisa: I'm afraid he's going to want to go through with his 'proposings' at marriage. Sorry. I haven't spoken English in two menses.
Elisa Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Liz · Elisa: Are you a man? / Really? That's your guess? A man?
Elisa · Liz: You want to see me naked? / Sort of.
Elisa Liz Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Elisa: I don't think I have the strength to tell it to his head.
Elisa Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Jenna · fan: You're a big fan of mine and you're not gay? / Not even bi-curious?
Jenna: I still think that would have sold much better if he had shot me in the face.
Jenna Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch fan: But if you had, I would have liked to have gotten that call.
fan Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement assistant: Jenna, Us Weekly is calling to confirm a story that your animal rescue shelter is supplying quesadilla meat to amusement parks.
Jack: All anybody posted on it were penises.
Jack Observational Deadpan/Understatement Elisa · Liz: Now, don't dare say anything about what I told you about my secret. / I'm not going to because you have to.
Jenna: I called 911. They wouldn't even connect me to their celebrity service.
Jenna Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Pete · Jenna: She kills her father hoping that the guy will come to that funeral, too. / That's correct... oh, boy.
Pete Jenna Dark/Subversive Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Jenna: But of course, she'd also have to kill her father's doorman and anyone else who might have seen her. And you, for giving her the idea in the first place.
Jenna Escalation Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Tracy: I'm wearing it as a joke.
Tracy Character Comedy Visual Gag Tracy: I can't have this on my chest scaring off beautiful women in the clubs.
Tracy Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Tracy · Liz: And you know my signature move with the ladies. It's... / Taking off your shirt.
Tracy: Now, it's a Sophie's Choice.
Tracy Absurdist Character Comedy Liz: What do you want me to say, Tracy... 'I'm sorry I made it harder for you to cheat on your wife?'
Liz Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy character unknown: My real name... is Dick Whitman.
Kenneth · Liz · Kenneth: La Viuda Negra! / What? What does that mean? / The Black Widow.
Kenneth: My current theory is she's the mother of those Michael Jackson kids.
Kenneth Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jack: Blue writing on green. Why?
Jack Observational Character Comedy Elisa: I was married once and I killed my husband.
Elisa Dark/Subversive Misdirection ★ Rewatch Elisa: They threw my case out. I couldn't get an impartial jury after that song about me came out.
Elisa Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Dotcom: You get the tattoo... but when you hit the clubs you draw a mane around the face with a marker and make it look like a lion named... Tangiers.
Dotcom Absurdist Character Comedy Tracy: if you want everyone to think I own a gay lion! Tangiers?
Tracy Absurdist Character Comedy Dotcom: The Moroccan national soccer team is the Lions. Tangiers is in Morocco. So, yeah, I guess I'm an idiot.
Dotcom Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Liz: I think my grandpa may have but he never really liked to talk about what happened at... Kent State.
Liz Dark/Subversive Misdirection Jack: I'm 50. To put it in perspective, that's like 32 for ladies.
Jack Observational Character Comedy Jenna: If he was here at night, he must work the evening shift... like on a sheik's pleasure yacht. Thank you.
Jenna Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Liz: It's not product placement. I just like it.
Liz Meta/Self-Referential Character Comedy Jack: What if I find myself stranded in a snow cave with a stern but comely lady geologist, both of us knowing that our only chance for survival is the heat from our naked bodies?
Jack Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jack: Face it, you are the closest thing to a man working here right now.
Jack Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Tracy · Tracy: And you're going to be tempted like Jesus in the wilderness. / Jesus is my stereo guy and The Wilderness is a club I took him to once.
Jenna: Oh, for God's sakes. What is this, Third Watch?
Jenna Meta/Self-Referential Character Comedy fake EMT: We're gonna have to cut off his hands to get the sickness out. He's gonna have to learn how to urinate with his feet.
Jenna: I'm just a girl... standing in front of a boy she poisoned so this other boy would go to town on her.
Jenna Callback Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Jenna: Thank God... 'sociopath' downgraded to 'extreme narcissist.'
Jenna Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Tracy: In the 20 years that I've known her... I've never cheated on my wife.
Tracy Misdirection Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Tracy: All the phone numbers you see me hand out? They're not even mine.
Tracy Character Comedy Misdirection phone recipient: Hello? No, this isn't Tracy Jordan. Really? I've not heard of that term before. It... do you know how to get to Connecticut?
Tracy: So can you because I'm a ridiculous, unstable human being.
Kenneth: Oh, you mean my mouth radio?
Kenneth Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Kenneth: When you call 911, tell them they have to send everyone.
Kenneth Character Comedy Callback Callback Liz: Working on my night cheese, Mmm, mmm...
Liz Character Comedy Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Elisa: How are you so quiet when your parades are so loud?
Elisa Absurdist Character Comedy Elisa: I knew your relationship was too weird not to be sexual!
Elisa Character Comedy Observational Liz: Yeah, I mean, come on. Look at me.
Jack: Because she's your bro.
Jack Character Comedy Observational Jack: Lemon, isn't there a Slanket somewhere you should be filling with your farts? Shoo.
Jack Character Comedy Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Elisa: And eventually... it makes me loco for Choco-Puffs.
Elisa Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Jack: Is it my English or was that not a great breaking-up speech?
Jack Character Comedy Meta/Self-Referential Kenneth: Sure, I was legally dead for five minutes but I did it for true love.
Kenneth Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Liz: Wow, that is one gay lion.
Liz Callback Visual Gag Callback 