Klaus And Greta

the wine turned out to be quite toxic.

my guests and i spent the stroke of midnight in my garden. vomiting.

the whole night the purging,the new year, the vivid hallucinations of astarte the phoenician goddess of sex and war it all wiped the slate clean.

randy's gay,everybody! he's gay. i think everyone knew. finally!

over the break,i forgot what floor i worked on. six,tracy. six! i knew it was a character from blossom,but i couldn't find the joey russo button.

my client,james franco,he's actively looking for a relationship with a human woman to dispel certain unsavory rumors.

does chewing on a sponge trick your brain's hunger center? yes! yes!a million times yes!

can you believe they went to me before ayiiia from the real world: cancun?

too late! wait,which way did you mean that?

no,no,no,no. okay,but i was gonna describe it real good.

as you know,on new year's,i finally met my birth parents. so. thank you for asking about that!

damn that phoenician wine!

which is the third best sex after elevator and white house.

good lord,i've lemoned the situation with nancy!

"lemoned"? that's not a thing people are saying now,is it? cerie? lemoned. doing it awesome.

this movie will never be released because my performance will be deemed "too provocative for america." oh,i wish i lived in france.

and because of a product placement deal with jamba juice,the fight will be in a jamba juice.

neither am i,liz! which is why it's so weird the tabloids are running all these stories saying i'm in love with a body pillow.

why? i mean,why is this table here? i mean,why is that lamp here? kimiko is it is here like any other object.

objects are made by men and used for many purposes. but we never love objects.

nope.that's a serial killer. just get a cab.i'll pay for it. you have amish here?

i'm going to drive up to waltham,massachusetts,break into a woman's home, and erase a potentially embarrassing and destructive answering machine message. the home in questions has a doggy door. that will be our way in.

prove that you are lithe enough to accompany me to waltham.

you sicken me.

i know it's a girl,liz lemon,because i yelled "susan b.anthony" at the moment of conception.

so we gonna name her either virginia,netjet,or bathroom at teterboro airport.

the gossip blogs are calling us "james." it's a combination of jenna and james.

having ice cold diarrhea from drinking too much jamba juice it's everything i ever wanted.

that happens sometimes when i unhinge my pelvis.

it'll be like the da vinci code. ehh albino monk! that's a mirror,kenneth.

i just took my picture with that little camera thing. kenneth! all right. i just need to erase that picture. whoops,i just made it the desktop image.

that's where i'm meeting them later - a bar called "home butt." no,you're not.

the local tv station edited will & grace down so much that it was just called karen.

your hand feels like a pillow that's been in the microwave.

i thought it was a paparazzo,but it's just some loser taking a picture of his kid.

kimiko taught me that.

if you type "nancy's secrets" into the internet,do you have any idea what comes up? a store that sells wig extensions.

he was eventually arrested by israeli commandos.

did you not learn your nation's airport codes in high school?

that's the most divorced sentence i've ever heard.

oh,my god,did you go out last night after i won the sleeping contest?

is it gonna be fierce? it would be if it was 2006.

okay,i do appreciate the irony that i'm the one stuck in the closet now. is that irony? not really.

sat behind you so i could talk to you and try to see the top of your underwear.

ballard,don't let them put their tops back on.

but you are leaving through the doggy door.

i like to take the shampoo and put it in the little travel size bottles. then i take the original bottle and put it back in the shower. for later.

if you want to save money on the trip,consider taking a sandwich.

and before you worked here,were you an ass scientist? because your ass blah,blah,blah.you get the point.

virginia? but that's gonna be my daughter's name. are you also someone's daughter? uh,yeah. is every woman someone's daughter?

they spell "klaus." your name in german class.

you should buy a leather jacket!

stop so bored. did i do that right? yeah. that was super bitchy.

unless kimiko's jealous of the ottoman. there's nothing going on there.that's a business relationship.

don't lemon your life,james.

and i'm in love with and common law married to a japanese body pillow!

randy,this is james franco and our friend kimiko tan.

you have created an atmosphere of hostility and intolerance that everyone talks about all the time.

since the phone call i interrupted to make this announcement?

kenneth,your haircut is disrespectful to lesbians!

but george eliot was a woman.

to be comtinued..... really?