Following a wild New Year's Eve, Jack has to try to repair the damage he did after leaving a drunken message on an ex's voicemail. Meanwhile, Jenna tries to get into a relationship with James Franco in order to cover up his secret; and Liz, after accidentally "outing" her cousin to his family, welcomes him to New York City; and Tracy finds new respect for women.
Absurdist escalation reaches 90+ with 2.94 jokes-per-minute—30 Rock's densest sustained assault.
Directed by Gail Mancuso · Written by Robert Carlock
WAR
132.4
Wins Above Replacement
“Klaus And Greta” ranks #55 of 138 30 Rock episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 98.4 — Elite. The episode packs 82 scored jokes at 3.9 per minute, averaging 7.6 on craft and 7.6 on impact, with Jack Donaghy landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Jack Donaghy: nancy donovan, still so organized. in german class, mr. kruger always chose her to sort the students. / he was eventually arrested by israeli commandos.
Randy: the local tv station edited will & grace down so much that it was just called 'karen.'
Randy Setup/Punchline Dark/Subversive Observational ★ Rewatch James Franco: i'm the actor james franco, damn it! and i'm in love with and common law married to a japanese body pillow!
James Franco Character Comedy Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Tracy Jordan: i know it's a girl, liz lemon, because i yelled 'susan b. anthony' at the moment of conception.
Jack Donaghy: the woman is on vacation with her husband as we speak, probably having beach sex, which is the third best sex after elevator and white house.
All Jokes — 82 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Liz Lemon · Jack Donaghy: did you dye your hair? / no.
Jack Donaghy: The wine turned out to be quite toxic.
Jack Donaghy: my guests and i spent the stroke of midnight in my garden. / vomiting.
Jack Donaghy: the whole night the purging, the new year, the vivid hallucinations of astarte the phoenician goddess of sex and war — it all wiped the slate clean.
Liz Lemon: my cousin randy, this kid from this rural coal mining town, came out to us. And I think old liz lemon had a little something to do with that.
Liz Lemon · TGS Staff: randy's gay, everybody! / he's gay. / i think everyone knew. / finally!
Tracy Jordan · Liz Lemon: over the break, i forgot what floor i worked on. / six, tracy. / six! I knew it was a character from Blossom, but i couldn't find the joey russo button.
Jenna Maroney: i met james franco's manager. / it was like a fairy tale.
James Franco's Manager · Jenna Maroney: are you available for a fake romance with a movie star? / does chewing on a sponge trick your brain's hunger center? / yes! yes! a million times yes!
Jenna Maroney: can you believe they went to me before ayiiia from the real world: cancun?
Jack Donaghy · Jenna Maroney · Liz Lemon: lemon, i want you and jenna to have a meeting with james franco and make sure his manager doesn't screw her. / too late! / wait, which way did you mean that?
Tracy Jordan · Liz Lemon: my wife and i are trying for a daughter, and on new year's eve i think i got angie pregnant. / no, no, no, no. / okay, but i was gonna describe it real good.
Jonathan · Jack Donaghy: how was your new year's, sir? / perfect. / oh my god!
Kenneth Parcell · Jack Donaghy: as you know, on new year's, i finally met my birth parents. / so. / thank you for asking about that!
Jack Donaghy: damn that phoenician wine!
Jack Donaghy: the last thing i remember is going into a closet and switching clothes with bob ballard.
Jack Donaghy: the woman is on vacation with her husband as we speak, probably having beach sex, which is the third best sex after elevator and white house.
Liz Lemon · Cerie: as a frequent leaver of drunken messages, i can tell you no good can come of this. / as a frequent receiver of drunk messages, they are not cute, even when they're from liz.
Jack Donaghy · Liz Lemon · Cerie: good lord, i've lemoned the situation with nancy! / 'lemoned'? that's not a thing people are saying now, is it? / cerie? / lemoned. doing it awesome.
James Franco: you and i pretend we met while filming a movie called Space Attack. / my title.
James Franco · Jenna Maroney: this movie will never be released because my performance will be deemed 'too provocative for america.' / oh, i wish i lived in france.
James Franco's Manager: five dates a week, one fight a month. and because of a product placement deal with jamba juice, the fight will be in a jamba juice.
Jenna Maroney: i love jamba juice!
Liz Lemon · James Franco: are you familiar with japanese moe relationships, where socially dysfunctional men develop deep emotional attachments to body pillows with women painted on them? / i am not, james. / neither am i, liz! which is why it's so weird the tabloids are running all these stories saying i'm in love with a body pillow.
Liz Lemon · James Franco: then why is that here? / why? i mean, why is this table here? i mean, why is that lamp here? kimiko is — it is here like any other object.
James Franco · Jenna Maroney: objects are made by men and used for many purposes. / but we never love objects. / where do i sign?
Randy · Liz Lemon: there's a guy here who offered to drive me if i helped him move a couch into a van. / nope. that's a serial killer.
Randy: you have amish here?
Randy Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Jack Donaghy · Kenneth Parcell · Jonathan: kenneth, jonathan, i need one of you to help me with a very special assignment. / i hope it's me. / but i'm honored just to be standing here with you.
Jack Donaghy: i'm going to drive up to waltham, massachusetts, break into a woman's home, and erase a potentially embarrassing and destructive answering machine message. the home in question has a doggy door. that will be our way in.
Jack Donaghy · Kenneth Parcell · Jonathan: using these hangers, prove that you are lithe enough to accompany me to waltham. [Kenneth successfully squeezes through] / it's kenneth! / [Jonathan fails] / you sicken me.
Tracy Jordan: i just had a burrito!
Tracy Jordan: i know it's a girl, liz lemon, because i yelled 'susan b. anthony' at the moment of conception.
Tracy Jordan: we're gonna name her after the place she was conceived. it was a pretty wild night. so we gonna name her either virginia, netjet, or bathroom at teterboro airport.
Liz Lemon: virginia is nice.
Liz Lemon · Jenna Maroney: you and i are not getting any younger. / you don't know that thing i sleep in isn't working.
Jenna Maroney: all this attention, getting my picture taken, having ice cold diarrhea from drinking too much jamba juice — it's everything i ever wanted.
Kenneth Parcell: sorry, sir. that happens sometimes when i unhinge my pelvis.
Jack Donaghy · Kenneth Parcell: it's not an answering machine, it's a voice mail. / okay, well, we just need to look for clues to her password. it'll be like the da vinci code. / ehh, albino monk!
Kenneth Parcell · Jack Donaghy: i just took my picture with that little camera thing. / kenneth! / all right. i just need to erase that picture. / whoops, i just made it the desktop image. how did i do that?
Kenneth Parcell: 'emailing image to address book'? / what is wrong with me?
Jack Donaghy: nancy's husband has been sleeping on the couch.
Randy: that's where i'm meeting them later — a bar called 'home butt.'
Randy Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Randy: the local tv station edited will & grace down so much that it was just called 'karen.'
Randy Setup/Punchline Dark/Subversive Observational ★ Rewatch Liz Lemon: we're gonna stay here and make nachos and see who can fall asleep the earliest.
Liz Lemon Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Randy: your hand feels like a pillow that's been in the microwave.
Randy Absurdist Character Comedy James Franco · Jenna Maroney: that was fake. / did you know 'paparazzo' is singular to 'paparazzi'? / kimiko taught me that.
Jack Donaghy · Kenneth Parcell: if you type 'nancy's secrets' into the internet, do you have any idea what comes up? / a store that sells wig extensions.
Jack Donaghy: i've seen all this before, kenneth. the separate beds, the empty closets, the brave public face. this is just another irish catholic couple who won't admit to the world that their marriage is over.
Jack Donaghy: nancy donovan, still so organized. in german class, mr. kruger always chose her to sort the students. / he was eventually arrested by israeli commandos.
Jack Donaghy: uh, fort myers and cincinnati. did you not learn your nation's airport codes in high school?
Jack Donaghy · Kenneth Parcell: she's at the beach house alone! / that's the most divorced sentence i've ever heard.
Liz Lemon: oh my god, did you go out last night after i won the sleeping contest?
Liz Lemon Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Randy: i forgot to wash my face, didn't i? / i meant to do it at the club, / but when i got into the bathroom, everything started up again.
Randy Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Liz Lemon: okay, that's it, i am taking you to the port authority. / to get on a bus home, not to meet people!
Randy · Liz Lemon: is it gonna be fierce? / it would be if it was 2006.
Randy · Liz Lemon: i'm not going back to methenburg! / randy lemon, you open this door right now! / okay, i do appreciate the irony that i'm the one stuck in the closet now. / is that irony? / not really.
Randy Liz Lemon Setup/Punchline Meta/Self-Referential Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Kenneth Parcell: the sun is up and we are still in these people's home. / god can see us now.
Jack Donaghy · Kenneth Parcell: we have to find that voice mail code. / it's on the dry erase board above the phone. / what? / i saw it there a few hours ago. / but i wasn't done looking around.
Kenneth Parcell: sir, i don't mean to swear, but i am irritated right now.
Jack Donaghy: you were gretta and i was klaus / jack, are you coming in? / i'm on the phone! / get back in the hot tub. / ballard, don't let them put their tops back on.
Jack Donaghy Absurdist Character Comedy Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Jack Donaghy: but you are leaving through the doggy door.
Tracy Jordan · Today Show Anchor (on TV): hey, liz, we're playing the today show drinking game. you do a shot every time they give a dumb travel tip. / i like to take the shampoo and put it in the little travel size bottles. / then i take the original bottle and put it back in the shower. / for later.
Today Show Couple · Today Show Anchor: we're in love! / trent's quitting the navy, and we're going to get married in massachusetts. / congratulations. / oh boy. / if you want to save money on the trip, consider taking a sandwich.
Tracy Jordan: hey, baby, you new here? / yeah, this is my first show. / and before you worked here, were you an ass scientist? / because your ass blah, blah, blah. you get the point.
Tracy Jordan · Virginia: so what's your name? / virginia. / virginia? but that's gonna be my daughter's name. / are you also someone's daughter? / uh, yeah. / is every woman someone's daughter? / of course. / uh oh!
Kenneth Parcell · Jack Donaghy: her code — 5 5 2 8 7. / do you know what it means? / well, it's not a date. the first numbers are too high. / it's not the numbers, sir. it's the letters. they spell 'Klaus.' your name in german class.
Jack Donaghy · Kenneth Parcell: i'm just trying to figure out my next move. / you should buy a leather jacket! / get cerie in here. / not you.
Randy · Liz Lemon: why did you even leave white haven, liz? / when was the last time you watched the sun rise? / sometimes at work — / or kissed a boy you just met? / gross. / or went dancing?
Liz Lemon · Cerie: i mean, who am i to tell jenna that she doesn't know how to be happy when i can't even figure out / stop so bored.
Liz Lemon · Cerie · Jenna Maroney · James Franco: did i do that right? / yeah. / that was super bitchy. / you can't just break up with me. i'll sue you for breach of contract! / oh, you're being such a non pillow right now!
Jenna Maroney · James Franco: you can't just break up with me! I'll sue you for breach of contract! / Oh, you're being such a non-pillow right now!
James Franco · Jenna Maroney: what am i doing, jenna? pretending to be something i'm not. making myself miserable when i've got happiness waiting for me at home. / unless kimiko's jealous of the ottoman. / there's nothing going on there. that's a business relationship.
Jenna Maroney: don't lemon your life, james. be happy.
Jenna Maroney Callback Character Comedy Running Gag ★ Rewatch Callback James Franco: i'm the actor james franco, damn it! and i'm in love with and common law married to a japanese body pillow!
James Franco Character Comedy Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Jack Donaghy: and i hope you had a good new year's. let me know the next time you and mark are in new york, and we'll all grab dinner.
Jack Donaghy Deadpan/Understatement Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Callback Liz Lemon: randy, this is james franco and our friend kimiko tan.
Liz Lemon Callback Absurdist Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Callback Tracy Jordan: i blame you three for my unhealthy attitude towards women! you have created an atmosphere of hostility and intolerance that everyone talks about all the time.
Tracy Jordan · Grizz: grizz, when was the last time you told your fiancee you loved her? / since the phone call i interrupted to make this announcement?
Tracy Jordan: kenneth, your haircut is disrespectful to lesbians!
Tracy Jordan · Dotcom: dotcom, do you ever read books by women? / but george eliot was a woman.
Tracy Jordan · Liz Lemon: i've made a decision. and starting next week, i'm adding a woman to the entourage. / to be continued. / really?
