Jack’s interest in a new social networking site unexpectedly reconnects him with a high school crush. Kenneth tries to organize a Secret Santa Fun Swap, but not without resistance from some of the staff members. Meanwhile, Liz battles the task of buying a gift that’s good enough for Jack, and Jenna is horrified at the prospect of sharing her annual Christmas solo.
Secret Santa escalates absurdist chaos to 84 points with 2.56 jokes per minute.
Directed by Beth McCarthy-Miller · Written by Tina Fey
WAR
72.9
Wins Above Replacement
“Secret Santa” ranks #83 of 138 30 Rock episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 84.1 — Elite. The episode packs 66 scored jokes at 2.6 per minute, averaging 7.2 on craft and 7.0 on impact, with Liz landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Jenna: Sometimes my mom would take us to see Santa Claus, But that's just because she suspected one of them was my deadbeat dad.
Jenna Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jenna: So I'd have to get on every santa's lap in the Bakersfield area and scream, 'you oughta be ashamed of yourself, Travis!'
Jenna Escalation Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Officer · Frank: Someone called in a bomb threat from your phone this morning. I renounce Verdukianism!
Jonathan: I tried once. I bought him a $95 bottle of olive oil. In return, he got my sister out of a North Korean jail!
Jenna: And then I'd sing carols in the middle of Sears just to create a distraction while my mom shoplifted.
Jenna Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 66 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Liz: Well, he keeps telling me that he wants skinny jeans, so Cheese of the Month Club.
Liz: Oh, I wanna take that Internet photo of her nipple slip and have it made into a jigsaw puzzle.
Liz Absurdist Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Unknown: Meet the parents.
Jack: Now, this picture will be my pholo... Not a word. Which is a contraction for photo and hello.
Jack Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jack: Youface. Who are you facing? [chuckling] No one.
Jack Wordplay/Pun Deadpan/Understatement Jack: Those sites are for horny married chicks with kids who want to exchange pervy emails with their old high school boyfriends.
Jack Observational Character Comedy Liz: Well, in my family, everybody just writes down what they want and then we give it to each other and everybody has a great Christmas.
Liz Character Comedy Observational Liz · Jack: So bath salts in a coffee mug would be... Not it.
Liz Jack Setup/Punchline Deadpan/Understatement Pete: She doesn't give the money because she knows that the card says, 'From the cast and writers of TGS', and she'll get credit for it anyway.
Pete Character Comedy Observational Pete: I should make up new cards that say, 'Happy holidays from everyone except Jenna.' But that would require me to have some remaining life force, Danny.
Pete Escalation Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Pete: So I'm gonna go have a drink alone at the Oyster Bar.
Pete Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Jack · Liz: I've been finger tagged, Lemon. Was it down by the subway entrance? 'cause I saw a gangly-looking kid down there.
Liz: That's the year my mom was born.
Liz Character Comedy Observational Liz: My first crush was Larry Wilcox. The blonde guy from Chips? Bowl haircut, thin lips, hoo.
Liz Character Comedy Observational Jack · Liz: Uh, this wasn't a TV crush. This was real. Oh, mine got pretty real.
Jack Liz Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Liz: I'll check her face-vault to see her previous bing-bings.
Liz Wordplay/Pun Absurdist ★ Rewatch Liz: There are definitely faces here but they are not being treated with respect.
Liz Observational Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Liz: He takes the two worst parts of Christmas, giving and rules, and combines them!
Liz Observational Character Comedy Liz: And then the person with the highest number gives the smallest gift to the tallest person. If they wanna switch, they cannot, unless they do. Then everyone puts their head down except the murderer.
Liz Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Liz: Like I need two copies of Over 60 Vixens.
Liz Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Frank: Uh, the healing power of root beer... That a man can have up to nine wives if two of them are male.
Frank Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch Frank: And we always leave work to go to the movies on Merlinpeen.
Frank Absurdist Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Jonathan: I tried once. I bought him a $95 bottle of olive oil. In return, he got my sister out of a North Korean jail!
Jonathan: Even if I get into law school, I won't go!
Nancy: That's my maiden name. I keep tellin' ya. Things have changed. But not your hair. It's like a shag carpet. I wanna sit on it and play a board game.
Nancy Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Liz · Nancy: Yeah, I did plays in high school too. I was John Proctor in The Crucible. Oh, you went to an all-girls' school? No.
Nancy: We were all jealous of Lisa Alberson 'cause she got to play his horse.
Nancy Absurdist Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Kenneth · Frank: A picture of President Obama. For the muslims. I'm gonna let that one slide.
Kenneth: And a bowl of meat cubes with a picture of Jimmy Connors sticking out in the tradition of Verdukianism.
Kenneth Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Kenneth: Verdukianism? That doesn't make sense. Jimmy is catholic.
Kenneth Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Writers: ♪ oh, meat bowl of verduke ♪ ♪ you bring me such pizza ♪
Writers Absurdist Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Callback Liz: New dude is as good at singing as Tracy Jordan is at everything!
Liz Character Comedy Observational Liz: For the most wonderful reason of all: Christmas vengeance.
Liz Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Danny: Canadians have a hard time recognizing it 'cause we don't have a big Jewish population.
Danny Observational Character Comedy Nancy: I thought you'd have some hotshot young wife with black hair who says queer stuff like, 'dressing on the side.'
Nancy Character Comedy Observational Nancy · Jack: Was she a bitch or did you cheat? The former. The former? What are you, a newscaster?
Nancy: I'll have you know that my husband happens to be a very prominent Pakistani anesthesiologist. No, I'm kiddin' ya. He's an Irish moron. Runs a roofing company.
Nancy Misdirection Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Nancy: So if you need your roof done, call someone else, Because my guy's... Not reliable.
Nancy Escalation Deadpan/Understatement Jack · Nancy: I'm glad we, uh, never made out in high school. Otherwise this whole thing would be so awkward. Excuse me, we kissed every night on stage in Hey, Beantown.
Nancy · Jack: But only because my mother told me that French kissing was for the Italians. They do love it.
Jenna: But next thing I know you're gonna be telling me you're really blonde and have a urinary tract infection.
Jenna Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Jenna: Because I'm so happy for you. It's definitely not a rage stroke.
Jenna Irony/Sarcasm Physical/Slapstick ★ Rewatch Kenneth: Tonight is the Verdukian holiday of mouth pleasures. Misters Rossitano, Spurlock, and Lutz must have free sausage pizza followed by some gentle flossing performed by a blonde virgin.
Kenneth Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Frank: Just a bunch of made-up rules to manipulate people. Why don't Catholics eat meat on Fridays? I'll tell you why. Because the Pope owns Long John Silver's.
Jack: That finger touching his moustache is me.
Jack Visual Gag Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jack: Like going to the gym drunk.
Jack Observational Absurdist ★ Rewatch Jack: She changed her status from 'working on it' to 'weirdsies.'
Jack Wordplay/Pun Absurdist Liz Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Liz: You are the one that's in trouble now, buddy, Because creativity to me is just like... It's like a bird, like a friendly bird that embraces all... Ideas and just, like, shoots... Out of its eyes all kinds of beauty.
Liz Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Jack · Liz: Wow, Lemon, this is like watching Hemingway write. Mark Hemingway. Yeah.
Jack Liz Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Jack: That's what I said when that hot dog vendor passed out, But you made me go get help.
Jack Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Jenna: The program from this year's Asian women in television awards. Julie Chen's energy drink, Chenergize.
Jenna Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Jenna: Sometimes my mom would take us to see Santa Claus, But that's just because she suspected one of them was my deadbeat dad.
Jenna Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jenna: So I'd have to get on every santa's lap in the Bakersfield area and scream, 'you oughta be ashamed of yourself, Travis!'
Jenna Escalation Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Jenna: And then I'd sing carols in the middle of Sears just to create a distraction while my mom shoplifted.
Jenna Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Jenna: You're just a Kenny Rogers doll now.
Jenna Visual Gag Absurdist ★ Rewatch Kenneth: So if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go buy some guitar music.
Kenneth Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Jack: Yes, but not in the way you're talking about.
Jack Deadpan/Understatement Dark/Subversive Liz: ♪ doo doo-doo-doo, doo-doo, my friend is Jack ♪ ♪ if you like his necktie, pat him on the back ♪
Liz Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Liz: Have you not read my terrible short story, The two paths of Virginia apple?
Liz · Jack: You know what would go real nice on that wall over there: A drawing of a frog. No. No. [silently] No.
Liz · Jack: Because somebody called in a bomb threat to Penn station? You're welcome.
Liz Jack Misdirection Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Officer · Frank: Someone called in a bomb threat from your phone this morning. I renounce Verdukianism!
Kenneth: My angry God is punishing them. It's a Christmas miracle.
Kenneth Callback Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Liz · Larry: Are you Larry Wilcox? Yes, ma'am. This evening, you have permission to call me officer John Baker.
Liz Larry Callback Character Comedy Callback Liz · Jack: Well, he promised to get me on Dancing with the stars. But that's on ABC. Donaghy!
