Nancy Donovan

Nancy:That's my maiden name. I keep tellin' ya. Things have changed. But not your hair. It's like a shag carpet. I wanna sit on it and play a board game.

Liz · Nancy:Yeah, I did plays in high school too. I was John Proctor in The Crucible. Oh, you went to an all-girls' school? No.

Nancy:We were all jealous of Lisa Alberson 'cause she got to play his horse.

Nancy:I thought you'd have some hotshot young wife with black hair who says queer stuff like, 'dressing on the side.'

Nancy · Jack:Was she a bitch or did you cheat? The former. The former? What are you, a newscaster?

Nancy:I'll have you know that my husband happens to be a very prominent Pakistani anesthesiologist. No, I'm kiddin' ya. He's an Irish moron. Runs a roofing company.

Nancy:So if you need your roof done, call someone else, Because my guy's... Not reliable.

Jack · Nancy:I'm glad we, uh, never made out in high school. Otherwise this whole thing would be so awkward. Excuse me, we kissed every night on stage in Hey, Beantown.

Nancy · Jack:But only because my mother told me that French kissing was for the Italians. They do love it.

Jack · Nancy:Jonathan, why do I have an Indian assistant if my computer is always... Jack. I'm messing with you.

Nancy:I'm tired of waking up to a porch full of dead squirrels.

Nancy · Jack:I'm messing with you... Oh, very funny, Donna

Nancy:Tonight's top story, A Worcester man accused of trading his foster son for gasoline. And later in the hour, Ten tips on how to make your cat's birthday go purr-fectly.

Nancy:Apparently Brad Pitt and Sharon Stone did a crap job rebuilding those Katrina homes, and Mark thinks he can make a fortune down there.

Nancy:neither one of us know what to do about the dog, 'cause we both hate it.

Nancy:Yeah, we talked to Dr. Phil, and then we made a collage in our dream journals.

Nancy:They just run off to New Orleans And jump on that B.S. Saints bandwagon. Go pats.

Nancy:Can you wire the doorbell to the dog?

Nancy:Ruh-ro!

Nancy:I didn't have the heart to tell Mrs. Schwitzer that you've moved to New York, so I told her you were in jail for manslaughter.

Nancy:You're a wackadoo, Donaghy.

Nancy:And you look like you won second prize in a beauty contest... Collect $10.

Nancy:Left over from my amtrak ride.

Nancy:I got the night bloats.

Nancy:I thought you said this wasn't going to be sexual.

Nancy:The last time I used a birth control device, it was the '70s, and it looked like soap on a rope.

Nancy:We'll just do it together on that tour boat that's painted like a shark.

Nancy:Way better than the Indian joint I go to in Boston. O'Doyle's.

Nancy:How can something that animals do be a big deal? Worms can do it with any other worm.

Nancy:Also, it was after midnight on a Saturday. So technically, it was a Sunday. A man had his hands on my hips on a day that was set aside for the Lord.

Nancy · Jack:Man, Catholic guilt. Am I right? [Jack's awkward silence response]

Nancy:I'm a mom. Give me a break.

Nancy:Tickle each other like teletubbies.

Nancy:Two spider-mans fighting, And sometimes they make weird noises, But they're not hurting each other.

Jack · Nancy:How often did they walk in on you? A lot.

Nancy:The usual ladies' room nonsense. Girl with boyfriend troubles. Someone forgot tampons. Everybody's bad at science and math.

Nancy:Smug 40-year-old bridesmaid. What a treat for everyone.

Nancy:And by the way, when I blew your mind last night, I was giving it about 50%.

Nancy:"What you're proposing is a sin, Jack, but she is wicked hot."

Nancy:"Jack, porking in that prison basement was wicked awesome."

Jack · Nancy:Nancy, I know this is unconventional, but I really think a group relationship could work. - What you're proposing is a sin, Jack, but she is wicked hot.

Nancy:Oh, thank you, you two, for blowing my brains.