Hogcock!

Unknown commenter:"I'm sorry... What's a girl's bike? Is that like a girl doctor? Go back to Saudi Arabia, Hitler!"

Unknown commenter:"You're buying a bike but not a helmet? The head is where the child's brain is. Why don't you get educated, double Hitler?"

Unknown commenter:"Helmets inhibit brain development. You might as well give your darling child vaccines, which studies show cause homosexuality."

Unknown commenter:"So what? My two-year-old is super gay, and we love him more than a straight child because he doesn't rape!"

Jack:"We're now providing the same level of service to our subscribers at zero the cost."

Jack:"And then we'll be able to get even better trophy wives... Halfasian ones!"

Liz · Jonathan:"I never told you this, but I once came up late at night looking for Jack, and you were in a wedding dress dancing with one of his suits."

Jack:To keep away Frankensteins, which, as far as we know, worked.

Liz:"He has a degree in ethno-musicology from Wesleyan, so he's a receptionist in a dental office."

Liz · Jack:I ran this morning for 30 minutes. Does that include dry heaving? And wet.

Liz:"Hogcock! Which is a combination of 'hogwash' and 'poppycock.'"

Liz:"if my mother told me that everything I had been raised to believe was a lie and then died, I'd be like, 'say what?'"

Jack:"A city built on the religion of capitalism, and I am its high priest, looking down on the swinish multitude."

Jack:"even they must acknowledge me... As a God."

Jack:"Dark times are these." - Yoda quote delivered seriously

Unknown NBC exec:"But we thought maybe contestants could win money instead of penis punches."

Tracy:"And yet you still say stupid stuff to me all the time and suck at carrying boxes!"

Kenneth:"Chickpeas, moonshine, turtle meat?"

Kenneth:"You've always had the body for it."

Kenneth:"Woman, writer, New York... Those are all on my list of TV no-no words."

Kenneth · Liz:"They don't want to watch some angry New York crankypants make that face... Exactly."

Kenneth:"Shows where a guy gets a drink thrown in his face, and then he turns to his dog and says, 'don't even say it.' To his dog!"

Liz:"I'll go to cable, where you can swear and really take time to let moments land."

Jenna:"I will tell the other gays your real ages!"

Stage manager:"This is an actor announcement. The show's over, so you're not technically an actor anymore."

Jenna:"I will stop being an actress when the Earth stops spinning on Kabbalah monster's fingernail."

Jenna:"Good-bye forever, you factory reject dildos."

Jack:"I'm afraid I'm gonna have to spank you again."

Kenneth:"Where are all the baby pigeons?"

Kenneth:"It's like when a pig says, 'if I can communicate with you telepathically, do I have a soul?' And then you're like, 'no. Duh. Into the slaughtering chute.'"

Jack:"I'm going to crush this problem... With my ass."

Tracy:"That's Tracy... 'T' as in the drink, 'R' as in the pirate noise, 'A' as in the Fonzie noise, 'C' as in sea monster, 'Y' as in why do we even make friends if they're gonna let you down when we need them the most?"

Tracy:"'J' as in the birds I'm afraid of..."

Unknown commenter:"For example, the rapper T.I., who wrote, 'better get on yo job, tell 'em. Haters get on yo job, nougats.' At least, I think he was saying 'nougats.'"

Unknown commenter:"I'll be the one wearing a purple sweater and wrapping a baby swing around some skank's neck."

Jack:"The parking space closest to the door is mine."

The Colonel:"And if you can, get hit by a car. You get to spend a couple days in the hospital, and they'll give you soup."

Nancy:"What you're proposing is a sin, Jack, but she is wicked hot."

Elisa:"It would have to be a conjugal visit, because I am in a Puerto Rican jail."

Jenna:"My foot hurts, but I'm okay."

Jenna:"I think this injury has given me crime-solving powers. It's Mind beauty."

Jenna:"Good-bye forever, you soup line at a gay homeless shelter."

Liz:Crisstopher Rick Chros. Are you kidding me?

Liz:"My God! Since when do you listen to T.I.?"

Criss:"Now I'm all jittery and weird and... bird!"

Criss:"Or that one where your hands are spiders. Hand spiders."

Liz:"You're... the dad."

Criss:"like, I don't know, a show about a dentist's office where the sassy hygienist says things like, 'I'm turning 30... Again.'"

Tracy:"Damn it! Why did I get such a loud pacemaker?"

Tracy:"I saw his schedule on his assistant's pornography box!"

Tracy:"Unless you need us to hate the new Taylor Swift album. That girl has feelings. You're wrong, dotcom!"

Jack:"Neither is talking two catholic beauties into a delicious vanilla-caramel sex swirl, but I did it."

Jack:"And I got rid of their accents."

Nancy:"Jack, porking in that prison basement was wicked awesome."

Jack:"You string cheese with a tooth stuck in it."

Jonathan:"They burned you in effigy! The hair went up like a Roman candle."

Jack:"God, I feel like I have a 'macropenis' right now."

Liz:"He loves his family, but he hates the rat race. He's 'hardly working.'"

Kenneth:"If fewer than 150 episodes of TGS are produced in total, Mr. Jordan shall be paid a penalty of $30 million."

Kenneth:One last chance for TGS to make America Say, 'what? Why?'

Liz:"Shut your chin slit."

Jenna:"You Eastern European knockoff Mr. Potato heads."

Jenna:Shut it down. I will return to my first love... Broadway!

Tracy:"I know what it is to blow up overnight. And I'm not talking about my gout."

Tracy:"So, like the snakes I kept in my dressing room, I release you."

Tracy:"And while we're naming things, my car ran out of gas on the Long Island expressway."

Liz:I'm looking for six figures, eight if you're counting cents, which I fell for once before... Not cool, the gap.

Jack:"I pissed off my enemies... Pelosi, Maddow, Baldwin."

Liz:"You're just an alcoholic with a great voice."

Liz:"eating night cheese and transitioning my pajamas into daywear."

Jack:"I used to be a shark, and then you 'unsharkulated' me."

Jack:I called you up here for one meeting seven years ago, and you kept coming up.

Kenneth:There! You're no longer special to him. Get out! Get out of our lives! Yes!

Liz:"NBC... the same company that suggested we get flush buddies to save water."

Liz:"My God, this will change elder care forever. Whoops. Nope."

Tracy:"The only thing that can stop this show is an act of God or if some genius figured out a way to stall just long enough..."

Tracy:"The night is young. And neither are you."

Everyone · Lutz · Everyone · Frank:No. / Blimpie's. / No! / Come on, Lutz!

Cerie:"You picked last time, Liz, so alphabetically after Lemon comes..."

Jack · Liz:I found this customer-loyalty card to a place called blazer bar, and I assume it's yours. / Thank you. It's Manhattan's largest out-of-business women's blazer dump.

Jack:"Look, I didn't like the way we ended things yesterday."

Jack:"most of Tan Penis Island was destroyed in Sting's house fire."

Al Roker:"'snowicane' white lady name like dorva or something."

Liz:"So get up on that stage and cut the B.S.!"

Jenna:"Did you pin her up against the wall? Were your shirts wet with rain?"

Jenna:Did you pin her up against the wall? Were your shirts wet with rain?

Jenna:"She did want me to cancel Top Chef because Colicchio's lunch place changed the toppings on her favorite salad."

Conan:"We were gonna lose our virginity to each other! Now I'll never lose it!"

Jenna:"I frenched her dad on new year's."

Jack:"I spent Christmas alone in the Hamptons, drinking scotch and throwing firecrackers at Billy Joel's dog!"

Jenna:"Daddy, please stop crying."

Lutz:"I'm five steps ahead of you, you sons of bitches!"

Jenna:"Okay, I can't do this anymore. I've never met Mickey Rourke."

Kenneth · Jenna:On behalf of the network, Ms. Maroney, I think you should sing at the end of the show tonight. / Wonderful! I'll need ten pianos.

Tracy:"Good-bye, long-hair guy. Good-bye, Richard Esposito. Go home to your wife and eight beautiful children."

Sue · Frank:Guys, I know I don't normally say much, but... / What, woman? Speak!

Frank:"You changed your name to 'Aardvark'? That's insane!"

Jenna:"To act drunk, you just wear two different-sized heels."

Jenna:"And to cry, you just clutch a shard of broken glass."

Kenneth:"Just bury the necklace and move on."

Tracy:"You know what a real man does? Fakes his own death."

Tracy:"Why would a guy planning to fake his death deposit $70? He wouldn't!"

Grizz:"Grizz just found out his uncle left him a bed-and-breakfast outside Santa Fe. I'm gonna be a real fish out of water."

Lutz:"Because for seven years, you have yelled at me and turned the lights out on me when I was in the bathroom and written on me while I was sleeping"

Lutz:"And when that sandwich slides out of you in a week, look at it, because that is Lutz's revenge!"

Strip club MC:"Give it up for Liz Lemon, everybody! The least molested person in here."

Tracy:"Anybody who's ever left me in my life just left... My dad going to get a pack of smokes and never coming back"

Liz:"But because the human heart is not properly connected to the human brain, I love you, and I'm gonna miss you."

Kenneth:"Brian Williams needs a mirror on the floor of his bathroom. I guess you want that if you have a glass toilet."

Liz:"Cupcake sandwich! Cupcake sandwich!"

Liz:"This is like what happened with my gynecologist all over again!"

Jack:"Go to YouTube and search 'Hamlet the mini pig goes downstairs.'"

Jack:"Don goes to work for Peggy!"

Jack:"It's a word that comes to us by way of the old high German luba, from the Latin lubere, meaning 'to be pleasing.'"

Jack:"A hot bowl of bear meat or your enemy's skull... Split."

Jack:"Clear dishwashers, so you can see what's going on inside it."

Pete:"I mean, who's Pete? I have amnesia! I... Damn it! I practiced this!"

Kenneth · Sam:"Wait. You're Sam?" "Don't even say it."

Jenna:"See ya later, suckers! Meep-meep! Pyung!"

Tracy:"My dad finally came back from getting cigarettes."