As her new kids arrive, Liz scrambles to save TGS from cancellation. Jack finds a new NBC president.
Final season delivers 83 jokes in 22 minutes—near-peak density for a goodbye episode.
Directed by Jeff Richmond · Written by Lang Fisher, Nina Pedrad
WAR
176.2
Wins Above Replacement
“A Goons Deed In A Weary World” ranks #28 of 138 30 Rock episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 100.0 — Elite. The episode packs 96 scored jokes at 3.8 per minute, averaging 7.8 on craft and 7.8 on impact, with Liz Lemon landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
Get weekly comedy rankings
Join comedy fans getting new analyses, score drops, and the funniest moments each week. Free, no spam.
Top Jokes
Charlie / NBC Candidate · Kenneth Parcell: At some point, you gotta turn the horse into glue, Ken. / That is a waste of delicious dead horse.
Liz Lemon: Never-knew-my-dad! [exhales]
Liz Lemon Character Comedy Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Kenneth Parcell: The Today show was originally designed to entertain prison inmates whose IQs were too low for them to be executed.
Pete: Right now, our only advertisers are NBC.com and a German guy who wants to eat somebody. And even Gunter's having doubts.
Pete Dark/Subversive Absurdist ★ Rewatch Jack Donaghy · Liz Lemon: Would Amelia Earhart or Diane Fossey or Joan of Arc? Boy, women who try to do things sure get killed a lot.
All Jokes — 96 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Liz Lemon · TGS Cast: Liz's nightmare: the TGS cast as cowboys blaming her for the show's cancellation
Criss · Liz Lemon: hotjuggsbev2@adoption.Gov
Criss: Guess there's another full-figured Bev at the office there.
Criss Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Liz Lemon · Criss: It's not my airport! / Let it go, Liz.
Liz Lemon · Criss: How big is an eight-year-old's head? I'm thinking, like, a bowling ball? No, bowling ball's too small. It's like a basketball. A small basketball that you win at the fair. You're describing a bowling ball.
Liz Lemon: DVR at 98%, but I'm just never in the mood to watch Treme. Okay, first things first — I'll watch a bunch of Tremes.
Liz Lemon: I'll go to the sporting goods store and measure balls.
Liz Lemon Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Pete: Hey, sorry I [am] late, but Treme gets good if you stick with it.
Pete Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Jack Donaghy: I can't start my tenure as CEO by reversing my predecessor's decisions in order to help my weird buddy.
Liz Lemon · Jack Donaghy: Like B.E.T.? / Back channels.
Liz Lemon: I've sold this show once before you were even here, and I crushed it. It's a topical sketch-comedy show for a little demographic that's, oh, I don't know, 51% of the population.
Jack Donaghy · Liz Lemon: Would Amelia Earhart or Diane Fossey or Joan of Arc? Boy, women who try to do things sure get killed a lot.
Liz Lemon: I've saved the show before, and I ain't afraid of no board! [Ghostbusters theme plays] ♪ Na na na na na na
Liz Lemon Meta/Self-Referential Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Jack Donaghy · Liz Lemon: Lemon, expensive musical cues are exactly the sort of thing you can't afford anymore. ♪ Na na net na net, dorp
Liz Lemon: You've got Lemon. Make lemonade.
Criss: Upstairs, I want to paint a mural of Houston for the kids, but I'm terrible at drawing swamp humidity.
Criss Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Liz Lemon · Criss: Sex on the couch? / That's a good one, Criss. I'll call you later. [Laughs]
Liz Lemon · Pete: Listen up, jagweeds, it's go time! We are at Defcon 5 here. / The lowest level of defense preparedness? Fantastic.
Tracy Jordan: Have you dudes ever been to DeafCon, the comic book convention for deaf people? Man, if you're a dude who can hear, you are just knee-deep in...
Liz Lemon: Wing to wing, and oar to oar.
Tracy Jordan: Fine, I'll skip to the end. And that little boy's name was Marshall Mathers.
Tracy Jordan: LL, did you save the show yet? 'Cause J-Mo and I have a new problem. Last night at a party, we urinated into the same fountain during a lightning storm. And I think we switched brains.
Tracy Jordan: I'm glad the band U2 is doing press all day.
Tracy Jordan: Jenna, quick, run, before Liz Lemon realizes what I did.
Kenneth Parcell · Jack Donaghy: You wanted to see me, sir? / No. I wanted to see... Kenneth the page. [Gasps] Kenneth the page. That's a name I haven't heard in a long time. Some say he's dead, but others hear his name on the wind.
Kenneth Parcell: I can't say no to these colors. I bleed blue and gray. Especially where I stepped on that nail.
Kenneth Parcell: For example, if they're Japanese, I'll make sure we accidentally walk in on a blonde woman peeing.
Jack Donaghy: It's like NBC's TV version of Willy Wonka, starring Bob Uecker.
Jack Donaghy: I do admire Wonka. He's a true capitalist. His factory has zero government regulations, slave labor, and an indoor boat. Wonderful.
Kenneth Parcell · Jack Donaghy: No, sir. It's a magical, Ruth-filled business! / It's dying, and its leader needs to be a grave robber who'll strip every last bauble off the corpse.
Jack Donaghy · Kenneth Parcell: There is no 'we', Kenneth. You're giving a tour. I'm picking the next president of NBC. Understood? / Yes, sir. Of course... [quietly] Not.
Pete · Liz Lemon: gut the crew, no more taped pieces, fire Danny, scrap all the sets, and shoot everything on greenscreen.
Pete: Right now, our only advertisers are NBC.com and a German guy who wants to eat somebody. And even Gunter's having doubts.
Pete Dark/Subversive Absurdist ★ Rewatch Liz Lemon · Bro Body Douche Rep: Broseph. / Sup? / I think TGS and Bro Body Douche would be tight. / Totes? / Nah mean? No homo. / Mos def. / So... jeah?
Bro Body Douche Rep: Look, Betty, I don't know if it is jeah. TGS, it sounds like a news channel, or an STD you know I've got.
Bro Body Douche Rep: Have you ever seen the porn version of Transformers?
Bro Body Douche Rep: It'd be weird if my show were created by a woman. So could your credit be Todd Debeikis? It's in honor of my frat bro. Died during hell week after passing out in the trough. I went to Syracuse.
Liz Lemon: Never-knew-my-dad! [exhales]
Liz Lemon Character Comedy Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Jenna Maroney · Tracy Jordan: Liz is wrong, right? If the show goes away, we'll be fine. / Yeah, I got some stuff on the back burner. / Left unattended long enough, the house burns down... Insurance money.
Tracy Jordan: Tracy: '[Exhales] Oh, God.' — quiet, defeated reaction beat after Liz exits the Bro Body Douche meeting
Tracy Jordan: Like how, after E.R., Clooney had dumb, gay Batman. But parts like dumb, gay Batman come around once in a generation.
Tracy Jordan · Jenna Maroney: But we don't need two roles if we play Siamese twins! / One is the president. / The other's Santa Claus. / And they're both in love with the same woman... / Both: Elvira!
Kenneth Parcell: The Today show was originally designed to entertain prison inmates whose IQs were too low for them to be executed.
NBC Tour Candidate: We pay most of our hosts in white wine.
Kenneth Parcell: But for me, it's about America starting its day together. And it's about seeing your friends Matt and Savannah, and your Butler Al.
Kenneth Parcell · NBC Tour Candidate: Al made a classic weather pun. / Both: Janu-where is the snow? / Yes. / Pure of heart.
NBC Network: [Angry NBC chimes] ♪ dum dum dum ♪
Criss: Did you know that every year more people die from disease and accidents combined than from just trampoline accidents?
Criss Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Criss: I'm the only single guy here, Liz, except for Ladarius, whose wife died in a trampoline accident.
Criss Dark/Subversive Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Jenna Maroney · Tracy Jordan: I play Gretchen Vanderhausen, a sexy, 20-something president. / I play her Siamese twin Nick, a down-on-his-luck but muscular Santa Claus.
Tracy Jordan: The movie is being directed by Michael Ba...io, Scott Baio's uncle.
Tracy Jordan: It comes out 13-13-13, which is January 13th, 2014.
Tracy Jordan: I know what you're thinking, Liz, but it is possible to have twins who are different races. I saw it on Maury. It was an episode entitled, 'My obese toddler did my stepfather's makeover.'
Kenneth Parcell: This is Studio 6H. Do you know what's been shot on this stage? TGS, the Joey Montero show, the Lovebirds. And the moon landing.
Kenneth Parcell: [Deep voice] My name is C.B. Essington. Now, listen to me carefully because I have a moral quandary for you. In Jack Donaghy's office, there's a brand-new script for a show that will change television. If you steal it for me, I promise you riches beyond your wildest dreams.
Kenneth Parcell: He passed the test, sir! He refused to betray the network by stealing the script for that show about the catering company!
Jack Donaghy · Kenneth Parcell: Kenneth, you are very close to being back in a janitor's uniform. / Oh, please, no. That fabric was made from toilet-clog hair.
Kenneth Parcell: You do peacock peacock.
Kenneth Parcell: Kenneth: 'You do peacock peacock.' — Kenneth's loyalty declaration to Jack
Charlie / NBC Candidate: Well, you have to know how something works if you're going to strip it for parts. / Broadcast television is dying. The only move is to shut down the network, pull the copper out of the walls, and turn this building into a Forever 21.
Charlie / NBC Candidate · Kenneth Parcell: At some point, you gotta turn the horse into glue, Ken. / That is a waste of delicious dead horse.
Kenneth Parcell: He may have a fancy degree, and know lots of business terms, like 'meeting' and 'envelope.'
Jack Donaghy · Kenneth Parcell: Kenneth, you also just described me. Are you saying I wasn't right for the job? / No, sir. You were not.
Jack Donaghy · Kenneth Parcell: I know you don't mean that. / Kenneth? / Awkward!
Pete · Liz Lemon: What am I looking at? / I'm just hair and eyes. It's perfect.
Pete · Liz Lemon: You're the one who wrote— all this says is 'What if the jolly green giant was horny?'
Liz Lemon · Sound Effect: It's a note from our sponsor. / Booyah! [Clang, Bass drum pounding]
Liz Lemon · Pete · Non-Union Actor: Where's the band? / We can't afford a band... Or a union crew. / So what, we're using scabs? / You're not my girlfriend. You're nobody's girlfriend!
Jenna Maroney: I think it's awesome, but full disclosure, I just drank ayahuasca.
Liz Lemon: Do you know what I had for lunch today? Two pieces of pizza, a garden salad, a cup of soup, this cookie thing with a jelly center.
Liz Lemon: Compromises, Criss. Okay, so I won't be there when we meet our kids for the first time... so what? I'll be around for lots of other stuff. I mean, how important is being there this one time?
Liz Lemon Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Liz Lemon: And nobody else can do it because, damn it, this is Bro Body Douche presents the Man Cave, and I am Todd Debeikis!
Liz Lemon Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Criss · Unknown Character: No. / Guys, I'm worried about Todd.
Kenneth Parcell: So shines a goon's deed in a weary world.
Jack Donaghy: Seven years, and I've never gotten it right. Every show I was sure would succeed... failed. I mean, the monkey was funny, damn it.
Jack Donaghy: And then, when I tried to tank the network so Hank would sell it... I actually made it better. Homonym is the first U.S. TV show to be broadcast in Iran.
Iranian TV Host / Homonym clip: Kalamayeh badee hast 'Sheer.' 'Sheer.' Chashp... uh... 'Sheer' mesle gorbeh ye bozorg. Nah. Ooh yekee deegast. Khak to saret! [Laughs]
Jack Donaghy · Kenneth Parcell: Unlike every other place I've ever worked, this business makes no sense. And it doesn't matter if you went to Harvard business school or... / Your college mascot and president was a bear in a hat? / Exactly.
Jack Donaghy · Kenneth Parcell: This industry is totally irrational. So if all my credentials and degrees and experience don't matter, that means the only qualification for this job is... loving television. / What are you saying, sir? / I'm saying I'm finally going to do something for this network that I know is right. You like NBC, don't you, Kenneth? / Oh, I think it's the most wonderful place in the whole wide world. / Good. Because I'm giving it to you. The whole thing. You're the next president of the National Broadcasting Company.
Jack Donaghy · Kenneth Parcell: Good. Because I'm giving it to you. The whole thing. You're the next president of the National Broadcasting Company.
Kenneth Parcell: [Strained giggles from Kenneth, extended reaction beat]
On-Screen Text / Announcer: Welcome to the Man Cave. TV for your peen. R.I.P., Todd.
Pete · Tracy Jordan · Jenna Maroney: Why isn't he in costume? / Ladies and gentlemen of the Kabletown board, I quit. / So do I.
Pete: They're replaceable... we can get David Alan Grier and Miss Piggy.
Pete Absurdist Dark/Subversive Tracy Jordan: I'll tell you what we're doing, LL. We're finally stepping up. This show is a disaster. Except for the very moving Todd Debeikis tribute. Todd, we'll miss you.
Tracy Jordan · Liz Lemon: I know you want to save TGS, Lemonhead, but there is no TGS to save. And you should be at the airport right now picking up your chili. / Children, Tracy.
Tracy Jordan: We knew you'd never give up, so for once, let us step up and do what we do best... nothing.
Liz Lemon · Pete · Writers · Subhas: You're doing this for me? / We all are. I quit, Liz. / Me too. / I quit. / Mommy's baby quits. / I actually quit two years ago. / Subhas out. Suck it!
Unknown TGS Crew Member: Get out of here, lady!
Unknown Male Character: I hit that.
Background Character: 'I hit that.' — an unidentified man's comment as Liz runs through
Liz Lemon · Criss · Bystander: Hang on. Is that them? / Is that the twins? / No way! So it is possible. / Yeah, I saw it on Maury.
One of the twins: Is that a camera? / I'm gonna need you on my good side.
One of the twins · Other twin · Liz Lemon: What up, Liz Lemon? / I will not be able to attend school tomorrow because of an issue with my lizard. / That seems about right.
NBC Network: [NBC Jingle: ♪ Welcome to a world of magic ♪ ... ♪ N ♪ ♪ B ♪ ♪ C ♪]
