Lee Marvin Vs. Derek Jeter

I love it when you talk dirty to me. I cannot wait to see you tonight.

Think slutty Grace Kelly.

And the opposite of that just walked in.

Test, test, test. This is a test for Jack's card. ♪ Wonder woman ♪ Excuse me, how do you re-record on these things? Whatever. I'll definitely figure it out.

You look like a prison weed dealer.

I'm coming back from a singles dodgeball match, okay?

Oh, I forgot, only guys can get hurt there.

As my good friend and fox-hunting partner Mary J. Blige would say, 'no more drama.'

Ruh-ro!

Eat it, bitch!

His foot was over the line.

Or, as I like to call it, singles fart suppression.

I look forward to not watching that on an airplane.

Not now, Jackie D. I heard on the walkie-talkies that there's a redheaded MILF walking around with some executive.

You shut your mouth!

The grown-up dating world is like your haircut. Sometimes awkward triangles occur.

I feel like you've been saving that one.

Why would a lady get divorced at 50? Stick it out! Men die first, then you have two wonderful years, then you die.

Mrs. Doubtfire shimself could not do this.

Oh, god! The band is soaking!

A guy on the subway just called me a biggledeeboo.

I've learned the word 'black' in every language, just so I'll know when to be offended. Russian, chernyi. Korean, hoog-een.

It's an 18th-century word for 'dark-skinned moor.'

Dolphin... Eeeeeeeeeeeee! Eeeee-eeeee-ee-eee-eee-eee!

Barry Obams is the one who brought it back!

Aah! Black man!

All you've ever known is your affirmative-action job and queen latifah covergirl commercials.

I'm Jerem! I collect posters.

I didn't have the heart to tell Mrs. Schwitzer that you've moved to New York, so I told her you were in jail for manslaughter.

Peanut butter and Miller high life.

You're a wackadoo, Donaghy.

You always know you're at the right party when it feels like the Riddler is about to attack.

Money bunny Avery Jessup steps out with sexecutive Jack Donaghy.

Like Santa claus taking a shower.

That is a 15th-century term for a black pirate! Racist!

Then why are my paychecks a different color than Frank's?

Look, Toof, you provide a point of view that is essential to keeping the diversity guy from bothering us.

'I'm cool'? No, I'm sorry. You can't set me up like that. Don't quit.

And you look like you won second prize in a beauty contest... Collect $10.

Left over from my amtrak ride.

I got the night bloats.

I thought you said this wasn't going to be sexual.

Here are the bullet points: Jeter's apartment. We're playing beer pong. It's New York Yankees versus former mayors. I got 10 grand on the mayors.

Like three's company, it's titillating, yet anxiety-producing.

Aw, man, being Janet sucks!

How do you choose between Lee Marvin and Derek jeter?

On looks, Lee Marvin.

This is gender inequity out the Yang!

Meanwhile, I'm reading a book called hiding your arms, hiding your anger.

And even worse, they're both going to lose me.

Oh, yeah? How come I'm always forced to play ridicarus characters that don't enununcia tewell.

You know, there actually hasn't been a white Princess since 1991.

It's a summer camp that teaches pretty blonde girls how to be mean.

Or that you're my prostitute.

The sportscaster who bites ladies.

Don't ask how I got them. But I do know the access code to his pyramid.

I found myself rooting for our boys in uniform, not those Blue hippies.

Some of them were former marines, but they were mercenaries working for a space mining company.

The last time I used a birth control device, it was the '70s, and it looked like soap on a rope.

I want him to genuinely like me, even when I'm old.

You making much English. This is fun alcoholics meeting!

You were only hired by the second city because they needed someone who could remember to feed the theater cat!

You attended the university of Maryland on a partial competitive jazz dance scholarship.

Happy birthday, bitches!

Why do you think your checks aren't the same color as Howie mandel's?

Okay, fine, fine! Toofer. I'll just go back to Toofer.

Three-fer, 'cause you're also gay.