James 'Toofer' Spurlock

Unh-unh. Superman does good. You're doing well. You need to study your grammar, son.

It's like shooting fish in a barrel. Yeah, if the fish have daddy issues.

You figured out Frank and I lied to you, so to get even, you're trying to get me naked on the roof and leave me there.

Black Frasier? Niles, this Beaujolais is impeccable. It's both fruity and precocious. That's not the only thing around here that's fruity and precocious.

Every Thursday night at about 9:00 or 9:15.

Bernie Mac doesn't do it 'cause he'd be ugly as hell.

Well, now you're just being patronizzle.

Mr. Jordan called me... the N-word. And? And I was really offended. Because... Because it's a racial slur.

You might as well spread me down with a fire hose.

It's Dr. Martin Luther King, and he did not have a feeling, he had a dream.

That is awesome. - That is upsetting. - That is awesome.

According to Wikipedia, you were discovered after doing stand-up at the Apollo in 1984. I have no memory of that. Write it up.

At first, I hated it. And then I liked it. And then I hated it again. And then I got horny, and then I fell asleep.

Like...monkus. Fungdark.

Lutz has been totally slacking off since his grandma died.

I thought you knew and you were just being a... You know, that word Lutz called you.

Oh, hey, could I borrow 60 bucks? I'm going to meet Frank and Lutz at Scores.

Yeah, that guy was into black chicks. I'm surprised I am not a descendant.

It's the story of Thomas Jefferson, only thing we're gonna do it like Norbit, where I play all the parts. That's actually hilarious. It's not a comedy. It's a drama.

Hah, Frank's gay! / Maybe I am gay. For that little peach.

You can't be gay for just one person unless you're a lady and you meet Ellen.

Dude, you got a frohawk, man. Do you think you're better than us?

most African Americans don't understand that diabetes is caused by sleeping on your back.

He gets the jars, and in return he's agreed to let a Yale sweatshirt be our designated fart dampener.

As Tennyson wrote, 'I mete and dole unequal-' No, never mind. Lutz, you want it?

That is a 15th-century term for a black pirate! Racist!

Then why are my paychecks a different color than Frank's?

Okay, fine, fine! Toofer. I'll just go back to Toofer.

I said time to end the charade and adjust my schedule to buy a new vase.

Look, there is no cool Liz. There's only R.A. Liz. You're wrong. My glasses are dirty. Ogbert?

She calls it... Funky juice.

I mean, light travels at 186,000 miles per second, so...

If the teacher is male and the student is female. What happened to Frank is awesome.

Good thing I kept my teaching certificate so I can still sub. Last time I taught, I was like Robin Williams in 'Dead Poets Society,' by which I mean I got fired.

At Harvard, we call them 'concentrations'...

Well, David Eggers and I are designing a new font...

Did you put peanuts on this? Yeah, it's delicious, hat guy. Ah... I'm allergic!

I wish I was dead!

I have a criminal skull shape.

You're gonna hang out with Pete every night this week. Why would we do that? 'Cause we have you dead to rights, you black bastard!

That failed... And the Orcs raped everybody

I happen to think that smart is sexy. Our foreplay would be puzzle-solving.