As Christmas nears, Liz's parents ditch her for a couples-only retreat, leaving her all alone for the holiday. Because of this, Liz decides to work for a charity program, "Letters to Santa." Meanwhile, Jack takes his frustration out on the staff after his dream holiday is ruined.
Holiday chaos fuels 67 jokes across 41 minutes—solid density despite modest impact scores.
Directed by Don Scardino · Written by Kay Cannon, Tina Fey
WAR
54.6
Wins Above Replacement
“Dwanta Claus” ranks #138 of 138 30 Rock episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 83.0 — Elite. The episode packs 52 scored jokes at 2.1 per minute, averaging 7.1 on craft and 7.0 on impact, with Young Dwayne landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Mick Foley · Dwayne Johnson: Mick shows Dwayne his art piece: thumbtacks pulled from his back after matches, fused into a life-sized Tori Amos sculpture
Dwayne Johnson as the Grinch: Dwayne plays the Grinch at Mick's youth center event: 'I'm stealing all the toys I can find and giving the People's Elbow to every Santa I see.'
Dwayne Johnson: 'Has Tori seen this? And if so, is she flattered or is this a restraining order situation?'
Ata Johnson · Dwayne Johnson: Ata opens the coconut with googly eyes: 'Dewey, I love it so much.' / Dwayne (narrating): 'God damn, I could've just been making coconuts.'
Young Dwayne · Mall Santa: Santa asks what mom likes. Dwayne's answer: 'Me.' / 'Anything else?' / 'Hark! The Herald Angels Sing' ... then silence — 'I got nothing.'
All Jokes — 52 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Dwayne Johnson: Dwanta Claus introduction — ripping sleeves off jacket and putting on a bell hat
Dwayne Johnson: The three G's: gathering, giving, and getting loose on eggnog
Ata Johnson: Jane Seymour for Mervyn's collection slippers — 'I can't get over these. I love them so much. They're so soft.'
Young Dwayne · Ata Johnson: The Radish Baby doll reaction — 'That doll is not right.'
Young Dwayne · Ata Johnson: Young Dwayne's Skeletor Christmas logistics — the toy catalogue page, the 48-hour hold at the store, the map
Rocky Johnson · Young Dwayne: Rocky's logic: 'Adults give gifts to kids, not the other way around.' / 'So you don't love your mother.'
Rocky Johnson: 'I'm telling you, we need to be making our own baby oil. That way we don't gotta keep buying it.'
Rocky Johnson · Wrestling uncles: The wrestling uncles offering gift suggestions: a hot tub ('big one, one we can all fit in'), costume jewelry from great-aunt Deb, matching diamond tennis bracelets declared as 'an investment'
Young Dwayne · Rocky Johnson: 'I wish there was a toy catalogue for adults. It'd be so much easier if I could just see a bunch of gifts and choose one.' / 'Dewey, you just described a mall.'
Young Dwayne: 'But the mall was a bust... However... Oh, candy. No. Gotta stay focused. I'm here for Mom.'
Mall Santa · Young Dwayne: Mall Santa: 'Well, aren't you a little big to sit on Santa's lap?'
Young Dwayne · Mall Santa: Santa asks what mom likes. Dwayne's answer: 'Me.' / 'Anything else?' / 'Hark! The Herald Angels Sing' ... then silence — 'I got nothing.'
Young Dwayne · Ata Johnson: Dwayne caught with glue — 'I was just organizing the craft supplies. Someone put a glue stick inside of the Magic Marker tray. People are animals.'
Young Dwayne: Dwayne's cover story for going to replace the slippers: 'Her... her mango shipment was late so she asked me to go to the store and get her some.' / 'Smooth, right?'
Young Dwayne: '$15? What are these made out of, gold doubloons?'
Store clerk (Brigitte): Store clerk: 'You look too young to be here, but too old to be lost.'
Young Dewey · Brigitte: Dewey's counter-offer: four dollars, a wallet, and an attempt to negotiate
Young Dwayne · Store clerk (Brigitte): The name negotiation: 'Look, Brig-itty.' / 'Brigitte.' / 'Bresheet.' / 'No.'
Young Dwayne: 'I'm a businessman and you're a businesswoman. And as businesspeople, we can both agree that $15 is way too much for a pair of slippers.'
Young Dwayne · Mall Santa 2: Dwayne confronts Santa's colleague: 'One of your colleagues gave me some very bad advice earlier... I made her a stupid coconut with googly eyes, and then I dropped it on her Jane Seymour slippers.'
Young Dwayne · Mall Santa 2: Santa eating orange chicken responds: 'Maybe you should ask Santa to bring you some slippers.' / Dwayne: 'Yeah, yeah, yeah. Enjoy your orange chicken.'
Rocky Johnson: 'Back to socks like the rest of us.' — Rocky's response to Ata losing her slippers
Rocky Johnson · Ata Johnson: Rocky's 'lovely umbrella hat' from Ata — 'So my baby will always have some shade'
Ata Johnson · Dwayne Johnson: Ata opens the coconut with googly eyes: 'Dewey, I love it so much.' / Dwayne (narrating): 'God damn, I could've just been making coconuts.'
Ata Johnson · Young Dwayne: The Jane Seymour slippers mysteriously reappear under the Christmas tree
Rocky Johnson · Young Dewey: Rocky to Dewey: 'I love how you just assume that I have nothing to do all day and free to come to work with you.' Dewey: 'Do you have something to do today?' Rocky: 'No.'
Young Dwayne (teenage): 'Bathrooms are all cleaned and stocked with Christmas tree hand soaps. Which I'm pretty sure permanently stained my hands.'
Rocky Johnson: Suzanne gives them an ice cream maker as a Christmas gift. Rocky: 'Damn, that's not a little anything.'
Rocky Johnson · Ata Johnson: Rocky claims they got Suzanne a gift too — 'just left it at home, we'll bring it to the party' — while clearly having no gift
Rocky Johnson · Ata Johnson: 'Did I ever get a gift for Vince? / You never got a gift for Vince? / The man owns a T. Rex skull. The hell can I buy him?'
Ata Johnson · Rocky Johnson: 'Okay, we need a nice gift that costs almost nothing.' / [Pan to radio contest booth] / 'Our prayers have been answered.'
Ata Johnson · Rocky Johnson: The tea towel in the boutique: 'You wash... I'll die.' Instead of 'I'll dry.'
Rocky Johnson: 'Should probably pay for this. They're definitely gonna think we stole something.'
Young Dwayne (teenage) · Ata Johnson: 'But all she did was wrap up something she didn't want. That's not even a gift. That's decorated trash.' / 'And that's exactly what we're gonna give her.'
Rocky Johnson: Rocky loses the ATV radio contest because a fan asks for an autograph mid-competition
Rocky Johnson: Rocky loses the radio contest because a fan asks for his autograph mid-contest. 'Price of fame.'
Dwayne Johnson: Adult Dwayne narrates: 'when I got to the point in my life where I had a little more than 7 bucks in my pocket, I wanted to share it'
Mick Foley: Mick Foley: 'God, I love Christmas.' / Cut to Mick decorated his house obsessively for Christmas
Mick Foley: Mick Foley hosts Secret Santa and welcomes Dwayne: 'Welcome to my Christmas soirée'
Unknown wrestler · Dwayne Johnson: Dwayne opens his Secret Santa gift — a flask. The giver: 'I almost got it engraved to say "Never shuts up"... But it's Christmas.'
Dwayne Johnson · Mick Foley: Dwayne gives Mick a coconut with googly eyes... and an all-inclusive first-class trip to the Bahamas. 'Now he brings other gifts with him.'
Mick Foley: Mick Foley's underwhelming response to the Bahamas trip: 'Wow, that's very generous. Thank you.' / Immediately: 'All right, who's next?'
Dwayne Johnson · unnamed wrestlers: Dwayne to the other wrestlers: 'Hey, do you guys think it was weird, Mick's reaction to my gift? It seemed like he didn't like it.' / 'I mean, he said thank you. What more could you ask for, right?'
Mick Foley · Dwayne Johnson: Mick can't take the trip because 'I've a thing tomorrow I can't miss.' / Dwayne: 'Oh, my bad.' / Mick: 'why don't you go? Have some fun in the sun?'
Mick Foley · Dwayne Johnson: Mick shows Dwayne his art piece: thumbtacks pulled from his back after matches, fused into a life-sized Tori Amos sculpture
Dwayne Johnson: 'Has Tori seen this? And if so, is she flattered or is this a restraining order situation?'
Mick Foley: Mick: 'giving gifts to adults who can buy whatever they want, it's no fun. You're just swapping stuff.'
Dwayne Johnson as the Grinch: Dwayne plays the Grinch at Mick's youth center event: 'I'm stealing all the toys I can find and giving the People's Elbow to every Santa I see.'
Stone Cold Steve Austin: Stone Cold Steve Austin's threat to the Grinch: 'you better get out of here, Grinch, before Stone Cold sticks his mistletoe right up your chimney'
Dwayne Johnson: Dwayne gives Stanley Tucci a pepper mill on the holiday special: 'This one's a pepper mill for my good friend, Stanley Tucci. Merry Christmas, Tooch.'
Dwayne Johnson: Dwanta Claus's closing instructions: 'leave out some tequila, some sandwiches, and some cookies... But hold the sandwiches, and hold the cookies. That's right. Dwanta's gettin' loaded.'
Dwayne Johnson: Closing message to kids: 'don't worry. They'll love it no matter what.' — delivered over what is presumably the coconut-making Dwayne final image
