Señor Macho Solo

Liz:'Hey, Max! Is this your baby sister? What a cute, little girl!'

Liz:'Or boy, if you grow up and feel that's what's inside you'

Jenna:'O-M-G-, Liz. Look at you and me and our biological clocks'

Jenna:'You're going baby crazy and I keep getting turned on by car accidents'

Liz:'It isn't stealing if it fell on the ground'

Jack:'When she's in a foul mood, it can be horribly unpleasant. But, at other times, she is asleep'

Elisa:'Do you know what kind of clothes old Puerto Rican ladies wear around the house? No. Me neither, because she never wore any'

Mrs. Donaghy:'Jack?! Somebody's got to dry me off!'

Jack:'Well, you bought three hours of network prime time for your salute to Benny Hill'

Tracy:'I have to spend it all on useless things, like gold shoes and Grizz and Dotcom'

Tracy:'When Angie and I got married, my only assets were a toaster oven and two tickets to a Young M.C. concert'

Tracy:'I'll bring Angie in. But I'm going to tell her this is all your idea'

Liz:'Don't help me! I'm too proud'

Liz:'I had to do something to get your attention'

Jenna:'Howdy, Jack! It's me, Janis Joplin! And I want to audition for my Sheinhardt-Universal biopic so bad that I came here dressed as me. Well, actually... I am me. So... Well, I dressed normal'

Jack:'It's like how we're including a Heroes DVD with every missile guidance system we sell'

Jenna:'Whoa! What is that iron bird? They had airplanes in the '60s, Jenna. Oh, right'

Liz:'It must be like working in the Galactic Senate in Star Wars'

Stuart:'We are also very concerned about the growing influence of the Sith Lords'

Liz:'Only insofar as we met because I touched his head thinking he was a child'

Liz:'Like order a tall coffee or talk about my Nintendo Wii'

Jenna · Liz:'Take a lesson from Janis and show some self-control. How far into that biography are you? Not very. Why? What happens?'

Jack:'Or any female of equivalent thickness'

Angie:'I'm going to watch you die, Tracy Jordan'

Tracy:'She's done it before, Jack'

Jack:'Nice dress. Are you going to dinner? Don't forget your book'

Stuart:'Under the bridge'

Jack:'The U.N.? They still have that? I could have sworn they turned that building into a Barnes and Noble'

Stuart:'Have you learned how to say Do you want fries with that in Chinese?'

Jack:'Senior V.P. for Television and Microwave Oven Programming'

Stuart:'U.N. High Commission on Water Temperature and Food Taint'

Liz:'Yeah, you know me. Spend my lunch hour walking up and down Sixth Avenue... looking for a hot meal'

Jack:'Classic Lemon man-eater. Cat sound'

Tracy:'When I'm on my death bed, Frenching my wife, I will think of you'

News Anchor:'Julia Roberts has agreed to play the tragic singer... Billy in a film directed by Martin Scorsese and written by the best screenwriter in the world. Whoever that is'

Elisa:'She fought me at first. But I find that authoritative, rapid Spanish subdues white people'

Elisa:'My nephew just joined the Marines to try to pay for college, but... that's fun'

Jack:'Without getting into specifics, my exit involves a McFlurry machine and a videotape of risqué commercials from overseas'

Elisa:'Except that in Puerto Rico, a McFlurry is called a Señor Flurry'

Stuart:'Are you trying to pick me up to keep me from touching fire?'

Stuart:'Kofi said you were too good to be true. Not ah told me to wait three days before I called you'

Liz:'Instead of, uh... any of it... she'll have a cup of hot water with a chicken bone in it and a bowl of salted ice cubes'

Jack:'I have something on my ball'

Jack:I have something on my ball.

Elisa:'I didn't know Michael Bublé had that many albums'

Elisa:'You forgot to put on your underpants'

Jack:'You should work for The Huffington Post'

Elisa:'Don't try to be Señor Macho Solo'

Elisa:'Which is actually what we call a McRib sandwich'

Elisa:Which is actually what we call a 'McRib' sandwich.

Jenna:'Why? Do you want to get married? I'll do it'

Jack:'Yes, I'm talking. Uh, no, we do not have the music'

Liz:'Socially inept and baby crazy. I feel like I'm in a beer commercial'

Stuart:Socially inept and baby crazy. I feel like I'm in a beer commercial.

Stuart:'Once again, Liz, I am an adult man'

Stuart:'Because I'd like-a to make-a the prank phone call'

Jack:'I brought a '65 Moët and some Pizza-Blasted Pringles'

Elisa:Oh. You were not being rude. You were just being stupid.

Jack:'Why are they smiling so much? Who's being ostracized?'

Jenna:'A Blaffair to Rememblack'

Jenna:'Surround yourself with people and love and babies with pierced ears'

Jack:'It's exactly like a snow-cone, except they call it a piragua'

Liz:'The test results were negative. Oh, I see your confusion! That is funny!'

Kenneth:'Once again, I apologize that our regular warm-up comic O.D.'d at a gay man's apartment this morning'

Jack:'Can two people fall in love over a benign gonad cyst?'

Announcer:'Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Janet Jopler!'

Jack:'Also, uh, we didn't get the song. I wrote this myself five minutes ago'

Liz:'Oh, I'm so sorry! I thought he was someone else!'