Señor Macho Solo

Jenna · Liz:Liz assumes the urgent news is about someone's brother being hurt; the actual urgent news is about a Janis Joplin biopic

Liz:Liz greets a small stranger thinking he's a child: 'Hey, Max! Is this your baby sister? What a cute, little girl!'

Liz:'Or boy, if you grow up and feel that's what's inside you.'

Jenna:'O-M-G-, Liz. Look at you and me and our biological clocks. You're going baby crazy and I keep getting turned on by car accidents.'

Liz · Jenna:Liz: 'I'm not baby crazy.' [sees a tiny lost shoe on the ground] 'Where did you get that little shoe?' / 'It isn't stealing if it fell on the ground.'

Jack:'When she's in a foul mood, it can be horribly unpleasant. But, at other times, she is asleep.'

Jack:Jack describes his mother wandering 'at night in Depression-era pettipants'

Elisa:Do you know what kind of clothes old Puerto Rican ladies wear around the house? No. Me neither, because she never wore any.

Elisa:Elisa's grandmother 'never wore any' clothes around the house — revealed as Elisa says 'but family is family'

Mrs. Donaghy:Mrs. Donaghy shouts 'Jack?! Somebody's got to dry me off!' interrupting the warm scene

Jack:Tracy bought 'three hours of network prime time for his salute to Benny Hill'

Tracy:Tracy: 'I'm afraid Angie will divorce me if I ever have enough money for her to live off of half. So, before she can get it, I have to spend it all on useless things, like gold shoes and Grizz and Dotcom.'

Tracy:When Angie and I got married, my only assets were a toaster oven and two tickets to a Young M.C. concert.

Jack:'A post-nup, if you will.' — Jack invents the concept of a post-nuptial agreement and names it with formal gravitas

Tracy:I'll bring Angie in. But I'm going to tell her this is all your idea.

Tracy:Tracy: 'I'll bring Angie in. But I'm going to tell her this is all your idea.'

Mrs. Donaghy:'Don't help me! I'm too proud.' — elderly Mrs. Donaghy refusing assistance

Jack · Stuart:Jack touching the head of a small stranger to get their attention, then saying 'I had to do something to get your attention'

Jack · Liz:Jack to Liz: 'I like aggressive women with a nerdy vibe. How about we grab some coffee and explore this?' — hitting on Liz while she's standing next to Stuart

Jenna:Jenna bursts into Jack's office in full Janis Joplin costume, then immediately has an identity crisis mid-sentence: 'And I want to audition for my Sheinhardt-Universal biopic so bad that I came here dressed as me. Well, actually... I am me. So... Well, I dressed normal. But my friend, Jenna Maroney... She should be my understudy. I mean, she should audition for me. But I'm me, now, actually.'

Jack:'It's like how we're including a Heroes DVD with every missile guidance system we sell.'

Jenna · Liz:Jenna: 'Yes! I am so glad that I time-traveled here from 1969. Whoa! What is that iron bird?' / Liz: 'They had airplanes in the '60s, Jenna.'

Liz · Stuart:Elisa says working at the U.N. must be 'like working in the Galactic Senate in Star Wars'; U.N. rep Stuart confirms: 'They are similar. We are also very concerned about the growing influence of the Sith Lords.'

Liz · Stuart:Boy, I feel like I've just been talking non-stop. / No, you also ate quite a bit.

Stuart:They are similar. We are also very concerned about the growing influence of the Sith Lords.

Liz:Liz explains how she met Stuart: 'Only insofar as we met because I touched his head thinking he was a child?'

Liz:Liz: 'But what if I say something stupid? Like order a tall coffee or talk about my Nintendo Wii?'

Jenna · Liz:'Take a lesson from Janis and show some self-control.' / 'How far into that biography are you?' / 'Not very. Why? What happens?'

Angie:Angie reads the post-nup and asks: 'So, if I sign this, and then Tracy decides to run away with that chunky chick from Hairspray — or any female of equivalent thickness — then I get $8500?'

Angie · Tracy · Jack:Angie: 'Baby, I'm going to be with you until the very end. I'm going to watch you die, Tracy Jordan.' / Tracy: 'She's done it before, Jack.'

Tracy:She's done it before, Jack.

Tracy:Tracy: 'I've got somebody who's going to watch me die!' — delivered with pure joy

Jack:Jack casually reveals he's 'co-producing' the Janis Joplin biopic as a corporate synergy move

Jack:Jack: 'You can't fight synergy, Lemon. It's bigger than all of us.'

Kenneth · Stuart:Kenneth tells a small man 'I was just telling him about my new apartment in Williamsburg. Under the bridge.'

Stuart:Stuart: 'The U.N.? They still have that? I could have sworn they turned that building into a Barnes and Noble.'

Stuart:Stuart to Jack: 'Like you guys in corporate America are doing any better? Have you learned how to say Do you want fries with that in Chinese?'

Jack · Stuart:Jack: 'Jack Donaghy. Senior V.P. for Television and Microwave Oven Programming.' / Stuart: 'Stuart LaGrange. U.N. High Commission on Water Temperature and Food Taint.'

Jack · Stuart · Liz:Jack asks how Stuart and Liz met; Stuart explains: 'Liz, here, just saw me on the street and went for it.' / Jack: 'Lemon did that?' / Stuart: 'Yeah, you know me. Spend my lunch hour walking up and down Sixth Avenue... looking for a hot meal.'

Liz:Yeah, you know me. Spend my lunch hour walking up and down Sixth Avenue... looking for a hot meal.

Jack:Jack: 'Classic Lemon man-eater. Cat sound.'

Tracy · Jack:There he is! I owe you, Jackie 'D'. When I'm on my death bed, Frenching my wife, I will think of you. / Please don't.

Jenna · News Anchor:Jenna's pompous speech is interrupted by breaking news: Julia Roberts has already been cast in the Janis Joplin biopic, directed by Scorsese, with the film attributed to 'Steven Spielberger'

Jenna:'Here's Maroney on a windy day.' — news broadcast cuts to humiliating footage of Jenna in the wind

Kenneth:Kenneth to Jenna after all the bad news: 'They haven't shown that good news you were telling us about. Because that all seemed like really bad news.'

Jack · Elisa:Jack: 'It's 7:00. Why don't I hear my mother yelling go home to the Asian contestant on Jeopardy?' / Elisa: 'Because she's asleep.' / Jack: 'Really? How did you do that?' / Elisa: 'I find that authoritative, rapid Spanish subdues white people.'

Elisa:She fought me at first. But I find that authoritative, rapid Spanish subdues white people.

Jack · Elisa:Jack receives gold shoes from Tracy as a thank-you gift

Elisa:Oh, good God. Oh. Gold shoes. My nephew just joined the Marines to try to pay for college, but... that's fun.

Jack:Jack's reaction to the gold shoes: 'My nephew just joined the Marines to try to pay for college, but... that's fun.'

Jack · Elisa:Jack's life philosophy: 'You come in alone. You go out alone.' / Elisa: 'That's the saddest thing I ever heard.' / Jack: 'There's nothing sad about it at all, actually. I have a great life. Tonight, I'm going out with a Fox News correspondent. We'll have some dinner, some laughs, some sex... not necessarily in that order.'

Jack:Jack: 'Without getting into specifics, my exit involves a McFlurry machine and a videotape of risqué commercials from overseas.'

Elisa:Elisa: 'Except that in Puerto Rico, a McFlurry is called a Señor Flurry.'

Liz · Stuart · Vendor:Street vendor: 'This guy makes badhushas. They're like an Indian doughnut. They're amazing.' / 'Careful, buddy! It's hot!'

Stuart · Liz:Stuart to Liz: 'Are you trying to pick me up to keep me from touching fire?'

Stuart:Stuart confronts Liz about Kofi and 'Not Ah': 'Kofi said you were too good to be true. Not Ah told me to wait three days before I called you.'

Liz · Stuart:Liz: 'I'm weirder than you.' Stuart: 'How am I weird?' Liz: 'You're not. That came out wrong.' Stuart: 'You came out wrong.'

Stuart:Stuart: 'And I lied about your show. I have seen it.'

Jack:Jack at dinner with Elisa's family: 'The lady will be having the tasting menu, but with some substitutions. Instead of, uh... any of it... she'll have a cup of hot water with a chicken bone in it and a bowl of salted ice cubes.'

Jack:'I have something on my ball.' — Jack to a waiter offering a towel

Jack:Jack tells Elisa: 'Had a good hour's sleep last night. Took a few showers.' — clearly disturbed about something

Elisa:Elisa: 'More embarrassing than your CD collection? I didn't know Michael Bublé had that many albums.'

Jack · Elisa:Jack: 'I found a lump.' Elisa: 'On your testicle? Let me see it.'

Jack · Elisa:Elisa does the medical exam in rapid Puerto Rican Spanish; Jack is subdued and confused: 'What?' / 'You're talking so fast' / 'Is that the subjunctive?'

Jack · Elisa:Elisa performing the medical examination in rapid Spanish — Jack bewildered: 'You're talking so fast. Is that the subjunctive?'

Elisa:Elisa's afterthought: 'And you forgot to put on your underpants.'

Liz · Stuart:Liz: 'Oh, it's kind of like a debutante... ball?' / Stuart: 'Hm. You did that on purpose.' / Liz: 'I did.'

Elisa:Elisa: 'Oh, please. Don't try to be Señor Macho Solo. Which is actually what we call a McRib sandwich.'

Jenna · Jack:Jenna, asked if we need a 'mythical soul mate to hold our hand through life': 'Why? Do you want to get married? I'll do it.'

Jack:Yes and no, Jenna. Yes, I'm talking. Uh, no, we do not have the music.

Liz:Liz on the phone with Stuart: 'I'm kind of baby crazy... of late. Socially inept and baby crazy. I feel like I'm in a beer commercial.'

Stuart:Stuart: 'Once again, Liz, I am an adult man.' (responding to a Sex and the City reference)

Stuart · Liz:Liz proposes the Brooklyn Bridge meeting; Stuart agrees but adds: 'Oh. And can you transfer me to the Italian ambassador's office? Because I'd like-a to make-a the prank phone call.'

Jack:Jack arrives with 'a '65 Moët and some Pizza-Blasted Pringles'

Jack:I wasn't sure what you were serving, so I brought a '65 Moët and some 'Pizza-Blasted' Pringles.

Jack:Jack surveys Elisa's large, smiling Puerto Rican family gathering: 'All of these people are your family? Why are they smiling so much? Who's being ostracized?'

Jenna:Liz tells Jack about the Brooklyn Bridge plan from 'Sex and the City' movie; Jenna immediately responds: 'And that remake of An Affair to Remember that I was in... A Blaffair to Rememblack.'

Jenna:And that remake of An Affair to Remember that I was in... 'A Blaffair to Rememblack'.

Jack · Tracy:Jack: 'I don't want to die alone. And now, I don't have to. Because... I'm in love with my mother's nurse.' / Tracy: 'Now you have what me and Angie have. Minus the hypertension.'

Liz:Liz: 'Ew, my God.' — reaction to Jack's testicle disclosure

Jack:Jack: 'Lemon, have you ever had a piragua? It's exactly like a snow-cone, except they call it a piragua.'

Liz:Doctor's office calls with results; Liz takes the call at Jack's request. 'The test was positive.' Pause. 'No, no, no, no, no. I mean positive like it's good. The test results were negative.'

Elisa:Elisa: 'Oh, I see your confusion! That is funny!' — laughing at Jack's mortal terror over the positive/negative mix-up

Liz:Liz's attempt to tell others the good news: 'Funny... Jack thought the test results were positive.' — and the non-reaction

Kenneth:The TGS warm-up comic has OD'd at 'a gay man's apartment' and been replaced by someone rapping 'Top That' from Teen Witch

Tracy:# Supersonic, idiotic, disconnected, not respected... / # Who would ever really want to go and top that... Top that...?

Announcer:'Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Janet Jopler!' — the announcer introduces Jenna by the wrong name to protect rights

Jack · Jenna:Jack admits they don't have the music rights either, so Jenna is singing a song he wrote himself five minutes ago: '# Break another little chunk of my love now, mister?'

Elisa:Elisa watches Jenna sing the terrible knockoff song and says: 'Now, this, I like.'

Liz:At the Brooklyn Bridge, Liz accidentally grabs another little person thinking it's Stuart: 'Oh, I'm so sorry! I thought he was someone else!'

Stuart · Liz:Stuart appears. Liz sees him. 'Wait. Shut it down!' — Stuart calling off the romantic reunion because of what he just saw

Jenna:Closing performance: Jenna sings 'Chunk of my lung... chunk of my lung... take a big old chunk of my lung now, baby'