Angie Jordan

Angie · Jack:No. It gives me a headache. This is a Krug Clos du Mesnil, and I was saving it for a special occasion.

Angie:This is the second-worst Valentine's Day we ever had.

Angie:This boy comes to the door, tries to kiss me, then he throws up and starts crying.

Angie:No more jewelry with my name misspelled. 'Anjy'

Angie · Tracy:This grilled cheese has mayonnaise in it! What?

Angie:This belonged to Brooke Astor

Angie:Tracy's like a horny child. He needs constant adult supervision

Angie:Oh, you looking for a sassy black friend? Well, you got one now, girlfriend

Angie:You smell like Enorme and brass polish

Angie · Liz:He's an entrepreneur. What's the character's name? Slick-back Lamar

Angie:Did you just try to control my body with your white hand?

Angie:'I'm going to watch you die, Tracy Jordan'

Angie:Why are you handcuffed to the bookshelf I built for my husband?

Angie · Liz:Oh, cracker! - Racist!

Angie:Damn it, Tracy. That's what's in your heart?

Tracy · Angie:Why's that baby covered with goop? / 'Cause everything about this is disgusting.

Angie:Squeaky Fromme.

Angie:What? That's double taxation!

Angie:There's only thing I won't do, and that's take orders from anyone, ever.

Angie:I'm not about to cancel my hair appointment with D'Fwan because I'm your new intern.

Angie:Do you have a problem with strong black women?

Angie:It's my way till payday!

Angie:I am friends with a hilarious fat girl and a crazy-eyed, divorced white lady who wants to be in the music business.

Angie:It has been my dream to be a singer ever since I was a little... drunk the other day and rented out a recording space.

Angie:My single 'My Single is Dropping' is dropping.

Angie:Is this the restaurant that I'm opening up with Dennis Rodman and Webster?

Angie:Don't do impressions of other races.

Angie:That's some white nonsense.

Angie:I'm looking for dancers who can dance for 15 seconds 'cause that's how long my song is.

Angie:I'm asleep right now and I think that that's my computer.

Angie:I'm contractually obligated to pull out some bitch's weave eight more times this season.

Angie:Jack, I also suffer from Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

Angie:You know why you're so tense? It's 'cause you have a man-sex secret.

Angie:'My Single is Dropping' is not just about a single dropping. It's about a woman learning to fly. A woman who doesn't need a man or anybody except Josh at Sidney Bernstein Management, Sidney at Josh Bernstein Accounting

Angie:I just want to wake up in the morning and look over at my husband asleep... On our neighbor's roof.

Angie:It's pronounced 'chic'. It's French.

Angie:Reality star, actress, singer/songreader, perfumist, IBS survivor, best-selling author of a book I didn't write, catchphrase coiner

Angie:Well they don't all work.

Angie:Cheek is stretchable formal wear for elegant plus-sized women and huskier gays

Angie:I find that my target customer sweats a lot and often gets thrown into a public pool

Angie:And I've gone to and worked at the post office

Angie:That man is about to get some cheese with that

Angie:I know they're not married. I just like them to know I don't give a about their lives

Angie:Do you know what a surprise is? Now you do

Angie:Don't learn to talk. A woman's power comes from her silence

Angie:Oh, that is a bridge too far. That's right. I read world war ll history, mother-

Angie:I gave you a kidney, a kneecap and a bladder

Tracy · Angie:Both: I'm cheating on you!