Angie Jordan

Tracy · Angie:This is the second-worst Valentine's Day we ever had.

Angie:Angie's list of grievances: 'No more jewelry with my name misspelled. ANJY. No more sexually explicit skywriting. And no more white boys throwing up in my damn foyer.'

Liz · Angie:'Bling bling! That is ghetto fabulous.' / 'This belonged to Brooke Astor.'

Angie · Liz:Angie asks Liz to help supervise Tracy, then: 'Will you be able to do that without falling in love with him?' / 'Does...' [Liz's reaction]

Angie:'Oh, you looking for a sassy black friend? Well, you got one now, girlfriend. Go on — rowr!'

Angie · Liz · Tracy:The makeup artist puts makeup on Tracy and Angie reacts: 'Oh, hell no!' while Liz says 'Actually, he looks great. Thank you.'

Liz · Angie:Liz covers for Tracy: 'He went to the vet. His cobra got sick.' / 'Okay.'

Angie · Liz:Angie to Liz: 'You smell like enorme and brass polish. You were at a strip club.' / 'I trusted you. You wear glasses.'

Angie:Angie rejects the bank-robber sketch: 'No. I don't want to perpetuate any black stereotypes.'

Liz · Angie:Sketch pitch: Tracy plays 'a gentleman who wears flamboyant clothes and lives uptown' — 'He's a pimp.' / 'He's an entrepreneur.' / Character name: 'Slick-Back Lamar.'

Angie:Angie rejects the Barack Obama sketch because: 'We support Kucinich.'

Angie · Liz:Liz tries to appeal to Angie and physically touches her: 'Excuse me. Did you just try to control my body with your white hand?'

Liz · Angie:Liz offers Angie a 'consultant credit' — Angie: 'You think you're gonna buy me off so I'll play nice? It's never gonna happen.' / Then Liz ejects her, Angie says 'Are you stepping up on me?' / And Liz: 'So what if I am? Also, your nails look tacky.'

Tracy · Angie:Tracy intervenes and tells off Angie: 'You're controlling. You're manipulative. You're loud—' Angie: 'Tracy—' / 'I've never heard you talk like that before.' / Tracy: 'Wait, let me get the shirt off.'

Angie:Angie reads the post-nup and asks: 'So, if I sign this, and then Tracy decides to run away with that chunky chick from Hairspray — or any female of equivalent thickness — then I get $8500?'

Angie · Tracy · Jack:Angie: 'Baby, I'm going to be with you until the very end. I'm going to watch you die, Tracy Jordan.' / Tracy: 'She's done it before, Jack.'

Angie:Oh, yeah. I'm willing to start at the bottom. There's only one thing I won't do, and that's take orders from anyone, ever.

Angie:I'm sorry, I'm not about to cancel my hair appointment with D'Fwan because I'm your new intern.

Angie · Liz:Do you have a problem with strong black women? / No! Don't you see? That's the kind of exchange Jack wants.

Angie · Liz:So I'm like your servant? / No, because you're not being paid. You're really more like...

Angie · D'Fwan:I don't understand. That white girl just fired you! Come on, D'Fwan! Be a buddy!

Angie:I'm not a pawn. I am a queen! You all are trash, and you know what Angie Jordan does with the trash? She drags it out to the curb for pickup!

Angie · Jack:It's my way till payday! / That's the t-shirt!

Angie:FYI, I am friends with a hilarious fat girl and a crazy-eyed, divorced white lady who wants to be in the music business.

Angie:Mm-hmm, with his even gayer boyfriend.

Angie:I'm Angie. I think elegance and attitude are the same thing. And I have IBS.

Angie:It's my way till payday!

Angie:It's my way till payday! [Angie's catchphrase closes the show]

Angie:Previously on 'Queen of Jordan': 'Who the [Bleep] are the Beatles?'

Angie:It has been my dream to be a singer ever since I was a little... drunk the other day and rented out a recording space.

Angie · Jack · Liz:My single is called 'My Single is Dropping' and it's dropping.

Angie:Am I the waiter? Is this the restaurant that I'm opening up with Dennis Rodman and Webster?

unknown · Angie:Wow. If only Tracy were here, he'd be, like, 'Damn, woman, I want to make love to your neck.' Don't do impressions of other races. Roger that, Angie.

Liz · Angie:You're Amy Grant from the 'Baby Baby' video. The one where the man likes her at the Carnival. That's some white nonsense.

Angie · Liz:Too bad Tracy's not here to take your side. He'd be, like, 'Damn you, Liz Lemon.' We discussed this, Elizabeth.

Angie:Good. 'Cause I'm looking for dancers who can dance for 15 seconds 'cause that's how long my song is.

Angie:I'm contractually obligated to pull out some bitch's weave eight more times this season.

Angie:Jack, I also suffer from Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

Angie:'My Single is Dropping' is not just about a single dropping. It's about a woman learning to fly. A woman who doesn't need a man or anybody except Josh at Sidney Bernstein Management, Sidney at Josh Bernstein Accounting.

Liz · Angie:Shut up, Angie. Just shut up! I'm sick of your selfishness. People's jobs are at stake. I'm selfish? You are a joke. And everybody thinks so.

Jack · Angie:Jack calls Angie's fashion line 'Cheek' and she corrects him: 'It's pronounced chic. It's French.'

Angie:Angie declares herself an 'octuple threat' — Reality star, actress, singer/songreader, perfumist, IBS survivor, best-selling author of a book I didn't write, catchphrase coiner.

Angie:'I'll take that with cheese.' Well, they don't all work.

Angie:Cheek is 'stretchable formal wear for elegant plus-sized women and huskier gays.'

Angie:'I find that my target customer sweats a lot and often gets thrown into a public pool.'

Angie:'I've never been so disrespected in my life. And I've gone to and worked at the post office.'

Angie · D'Fwan:'That man is about to get some cheese with that.' / D'Fwan: 'That catchphrase is improving, baby!'

Angie:'I know they're not married. I just like them to know I don't give a [bleep] about their lives.'

Angie:'I don't know, Liz. It's a surprise. Do you know what a surprise is? Now you do.'

Angie:Angie's confessional: 'I read World War II history, mother[bleep].'

Angie:Angie confronts Tracy: 'I spent the last 20 years supporting you. I had three of your children. I gave you a kidney, a kneecap and a bladder.'

Angie:Angie: 'All I wanted was a standing ovation and for people to tweet that I was the new icon for black womanhood and then for me to tweet back why just black womanhood?'

Angie · Tracy · Daphne:'Instead, I got nothing. I might as well be Daphne.' / 'Who?' / 'I'm Daphne. I handle conflict appropriately and I'm up to date on my mortgage payments.'

Tracy · Angie:Angie and Tracy's fight escalation: 'Our celebrity marriage is on a breakup collapse. We're a train wreck you cannot look away from!'

Angie:'I want a divorce or whatever.'

Tracy · Angie:'It will be contentious and last all through next season.' / Both: 'I'm cheating on you!'