Queen Of Jordan

Previously, on 'Queen of Jordan...' (reality show parody opening)

D'Fwan forgot his catchphrase.

It has been my dream to be a singer ever since I was a little... drunk the other day and rented out a recording space.

My single 'My Single is Dropping' is dropping.

Actually, legal says we can't use the word 'best.'

Is this the restaurant that I'm opening up with Dennis Rodman and Webster?

John Francis Donaghy. Verbal signature.

'Yes, we can.' Obama '08, remember?

I am a Christian illiterate, so that's not an option.

Am I trying to instigate fights by throwing wine at people just to get on camera and maybe also promote my new lifestyle web site: Jennas-side.com?

Jennas-side... Genocide. / I'm not hearing it, Liz.

I don't know. But I hope they didn't collect $200.

If the teacher is male and the student is female. What happened to Frank is awesome.

It was love! We were in love!

Ham.

Don't do impressions of other races.

I'm not just a gay hairdresser. I'm also a homosexual party planner.

Mr. D'Fwan, Party City does not sell giant see-through clocks or strap-on Pegasus wings, so I got this paper pineapple instead

Michael. Are you back on meth? / Mm-hmm. No. Why? You got some?

When I was at Princeton, I played baseball and football. And back then, football players went both ways.

Really? So you went both ways? / Yeah. We all did. It was the '70s.

Switch-hitter. Pitcher. Catcher. Whatever the boys needed.

Even though we just met, I can tell you're an alcoholic.

Drunk actor brainstorm. I'm going to make Pete host an intervention for me.

That's some white nonsense.

I'm looking for dancers who can dance for 15 seconds 'cause that's how long my song is.

Can my friend cheese come with us on our honeymoon?

Oh, they kept remaking The Hulk and it kept getting worse.

You live with your mother? / Yeah. Otherwise who would wake me up for work?

And it's Rogen.

I used to be in the military. But I was unfairly thrown out because I went berserk around all those dudes and tried to bang everybody.

♪ Oh, the merry men of Princeton are charging up the rear, holding all the balls... ♪ okay, I hear it now.

[Chair squeaks] That was the chair. [Silence] It was the chair

[Chair squeaks] That was the chair.

Wait. You're seeing another psychic?

I forgot to write the rest of this letter.

Webster, we need to talk. Your check didn't clear.

I'm asleep right now and I think that that's my computer.

For instance, doing it across the bed instead of up and down.

I'm contractually obligated to pull out some bitch's weave eight more times this season.

And I can't back out now otherwise they can't use any of this.

Without Tracy or Jenna, we can file a claim against the show's insurance and keep getting paid without working.

Skeletor's not my favorite. You are.

The world has to be educated about blurry face syndrome

The world has to be educated about blurry face syndrome.

D'Fwan is a queer-fectionist.

Jack, I also suffer from Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

You know why you're so tense? It's 'cause you have a man-sex secret.

Yeah, he's straight. That boy cannot dance.

At Princeton, I played Maria in an all-male production of West Side Story.

In the lobby, she pulled a wrench out of her purse, hit me over the head.

I explained to Charles that I was just pretending to be an alcoholic to get on camera. And we laughed. And he said I can drink as much as I want

'My Single is Dropping' is not just about a single dropping. It's about a woman learning to fly. A woman who doesn't need a man or anybody except Josh at Sidney Bernstein Management, Sidney at Josh Bernstein Accounting

And my family is thick as thieves.

I found a glove in the elevator. If anyone is missing a glove, I may have found your glove.

I just want to wake up in the morning and look over at my husband asleep... On our neighbor's roof.

Wait. You know what, this is my glove.

Wait. You know what, this is my glove. If anyone sees another glove, I've lost one of my gloves