Operation Righteous Cowboy Lightning

it's still fun to look up and pretend all the buildings are giant severed robot penises

Be quiet, Lemon. It's happening.

It seems like one of us should sing The Circle Game right now

I'm like Keats' 'Stout Cortez,' staring at the Pacific with a wild surmise and daring to imagine what... New planets might swim into my ken

I was holding in a 'snart,' and then right when she took the photo...

Don't you want to know what a 'snart' is? I can tell you now. It's 10:00. 10:00 in the morning.

FYI, Tracy's phoning it in today. What else is new? No, mother, literally. Are you also staying at this hotel? Line.

throwing telephones at hotel employees, speaking to the U.N. about some messed-up crap in Africa, and I'm definitely getting a private island

Nicholas Cage, Celine Dion, Charles Widmore

I'm like Stout Cortez! He's my gardener. He's easily amazed.

I'm gonna get a sandwich and then eat it on the toilet

when I look into a mirror, there's just a white haze

I couldn't put the memo in your mailbox, 'cause it's full of unread adoption materials

Oh, God, Lutz, why? What? I don't want tush lines.

Sullivan Psychiatric... You'll drool over our crazy prices

the real transvestite hoarders of Orange County Penitentiary

Why does the warden let Lady Extravaganza have so many spoons?

I stole a cab from a pregnant lady on crutches, and I am just waiting...

What about a tornado that hits a handgun factory, and it's just spinning around shooting handguns?

What happens when the second flood comes, and you aren't allowed on reverend Gary's ark? Especially since reverend Gary made it clear the ark is just for teenage boys.

There was a cyclone in Brooklyn last year. It destroyed two vintage-t-shirt stores and a banjo.

right before the ark leaves, I'm supposed to castrate reverend Gary

I'm just continuing my consistent professional behavior. Let's laugh together, friend.

perfection is my middle name... 'Unclaimed Perfection Baby Boy'

I'm good at archery and kind of want to die

Toofer can get us through black, gay, and nerd-controlled neighborhoods

Cerie will be some sort of queen in the new society

I will do sex with cannibals as needed

I can talk to animals. Well, not talk to 'em... I can take commands from 'em

It's like a reality show where you guys get to compete for a seat in my car by proving how much you like me

No, I wasn't gonna buy two blimps and crash them into each other to see what sound they made

I'm as happy as a clam that wants to kill some woman

But I'm so identified with New York, you bloody tosser!

But we're not laughing now, because our laughter excites the birds sexually

This wonderful flood that put out that devastating wildfire

♪ Shut your mouth ♪ ♪ I am finished taking orders from you ♪ ♪ and I think that you're a four-eyed douche ♪

♪ and also let me say that Liz is a ho ♪ ♪ a dirty ho ♪

♪ I'm not good at making up songs ♪ ♪ unlike me, who is good ♪ ♪ as you can tell from this rhyme ♪

♪ help the people ♪ ♪ the thing that happened ♪ ♪ happened to ♪

Fantastic, Jenna. You really brought the songwriting computer's words to life

One of us is an actor, and actors are not people

Someone get a P.A. to feed me baby food, or I will drop a 'd' in the green room!

Mmm! I don't really have a car

That was me singing the Beatles' Here Comes the Sun for free.

Yeah, Tupac is alive. I bet you'd like to have that on your show

Five years ago, I rescued your career. And how do you repay me? By making my life harder at every turn

And your online romance prank was not funny! I fell in love with you!

I rode in here on a white horse that you made me leave in the lobby

This honky grandma be trippin' over surfmaster's mid-range jet skis!

But then I would run you over with a jet ski! Damn it!

May Durga's trident pierce them from the skies!

maybe a pelican near some diapers

Heavy structural damage, no fatalities... Sad, but not too sad.

maybe a pelican near some diapers

Operation Righteous Cowboy Lightning is a go

You 'snarted' in my dressing room?

Operation Righteous Cowboy Lightning is a go.

If I hugged you, I would angle it so that you got no boob. And I would anticipate your angling, and I would get there. I would get there.

the Fijian island owned by controversial actor Mel Gibson

No word yet on the fate of Gibson's collection of anti-semitic and misogynistic literature

G'day. First off, the holocaust never happened. Aah!

specifically Mel Gibson and his houseguest, Jon Gosselin

Will go towards rebuilding... His sex jacuzzi

There's a dealer sticker in the window, you got no plates, and you made these flames out of magic marker and tape!

It's all like it was before!

It's all like it was before!

I knew I'd get that boob squish

when the story doesn't have an ending you don't just create one out of thin air by playing music or having people give each other meaningful looks

You know, some people actually craft stories. And when the story doesn't have an ending you don't just create one out of thin air by playing music or having people give each other meaningful looks.

♪ I'm gonna give all my secrets away ♪