Dennis Duffy

Dennis:Maybe we'll see Natalie Morales, you know? That little firecracker, she gets my blood running south of the border.

Liz · Dennis:Oh, my God, I hope it's his daughter. Yeah, me too. Oh, my God! Oh! God, I hope it's his mistress.

Dennis:Hey, 007, how about some more rolls over here, huh?

Dennis:Actually, I'm allergic to all fish unless it's fried.

Dennis:You know there are 17 rats per person in Manhattan? You eat a pound of rat crap every year without even knowing it, huh?

Dennis · Liz:If anyone sees a salamander, it's Liz's. No. I don't want a salamander!

Dennis:Oh, yeah, for now. But the beeper's gonna be making a comeback. Technology's cyclical.

Dennis:it's when a bunch of rats are crammed into a tiny space, and their tails get all tangled up, and they can't even pull apart. And then it gets awesome. Eventually, their bodies fuse together and they form a multi-headed live rat king.

Dennis · Liz:There's no reason to live anymore. What happened? The Islanders lost tonight. Doesn't that happen a lot?

Liz · Dennis:Why is there hair everywhere? Did you shave in the kitchen? The water in here is softer.

Dennis:Look at this ski-jumping idiot, Bode Miller. What kind of a fruity name is Bode?

Dennis:That cereal has the Olympics on it? It must be eight months old.

Dennis · Liz:When you and me have kids, we're gonna give them good names, like Shannon or Rick. When we what?

Dennis:Look at this maze. It's so easy. You have to go in here, and out there.

Liz · Dennis:Oh, Dennis. I just did my hair. Oh, that's my girl.

Dennis:Call Ticketmaster right away. Nickleback just added another date, right? I would do it on your computer, but I'm downloading a game right now.

Liz · Dennis:So what did you want to talk to me about, huh? Nothing. I forget. I just want to listen to you play Halo 'til I fall asleep.

Dennis · Liz:I'm gonna mount a TV on your wall. I just can't find a stud. So you made nine holes in my wall? No, those are for the shelves, dummy.

Dennis:It's gonna be like a hospital.

Dennis:That's my cousin Teddy's Great Dane. I told him I'd watch him for a couple weeks. 'cause Teddy broke his ankle running from some black guys that pulled a gun on him.

Dennis · Liz:They weren't muggers. They were cops. So why don't you just say he was running from some cops? I don't know, I mean, you're a racist for assuming that they weren't cops.

Dennis:Ack, allergies are all mental.

Liz · Dennis:Which is it: you love me or you got squatter's rights? I don't see why they're mutually exclusive!

Dennis:Hi. I got donuts. What's up, brown eyes? I made chili.

Dennis:Dear Liz Lemon, While other women have bigger boobs than you, no woman has as big a heart.

Dennis:I cried like a big dumb homo.

Dennis:But there's a new thing called 'women's liberation' which gives you women the right to choose, and you have chosen to abort me.

Dennis:you have chosen to abort me

Dennis:Hey. Threesome? How about it, huh? Mmm!

Dennis:It's like my cousin Teddy's dog. Sometimes he just doesn't wanna lick my feet. So what I do is, I hide my feet from him for a couple of days, and then when he sees them, he goes bananas.

Dennis:Sometimes he just doesn't wanna lick my feet. So what I do is, I hide my feet from him for a couple of days, and then when he sees them, he goes bananas.

Dennis:I know this might be emotional for you, so there's a meatball sub in the fridge.

Dennis · Chris Hansen:Yeah, uh, 22. I think. You wanna try again? Crap. That girl said she was 16, but I swear to God I could tell she was 22.

Dennis · Liz:You can't break up with me. I already broke up with you! Fine! Then we agree to disagree!

Dennis:Thank you, mayor Bloomberger.

Jack · Dennis:And Dateline predator. / Exonerated Dateline predator.

Dennis:Like the Giuliani campaign.

Dennis:We're like Ross and Rachel, but just not gay.

Dennis:She told me that her last boyfriend was Asian. And that crap doesn't start until college.

Dennis:It's the Stanley cup, honey. It's hockey's ultimate prize. And me and it, we're teaming up to fight illiteracy.

Dennis:All I could think about was Derek Jeter. And it was like, check this out, Jeter, you think you're better than me?

Dennis:They should call this thing 'The Weeks.'

Dennis:What, are you gearing up for swimsuit season?

Dennis:Social conservative, fiscal liberal.

Dennis:I almost joined the marines once.

Dennis:Not thinking is what makes America great.

Dennis:Like a killer whale going nuts on his trainer at sea world.

Dennis:You know a stripper offered to give me a squeezer last night. A white stripper.

Dennis:The mighty ducks are mad at me because I left the Stanley cup on a water taxi.

Dennis:Yeah, it's totally biased against the Irish, you know.

Dennis:Ah, damn, it's the wrong track. It's stupid express.

Dennis:You'll be back, Liz Lemon. You'll be back. / You'll be back, dummy.

Dennis:Pre... before. Natal... ruined.

Dennis:if it's a boy, we're gonna name him Morpheus like that guy in 'The Matrix.' If it's a girl... I used to boff this chick named Judy, and I would love to honor her.

Dennis:Morpheus hears everything that you say.

Dennis · Liz:Hello, dummy. No. Nope. Not interested. Have a good life.

Dennis · Liz:One word. Coffee. One problem. Where do you get it? Anywhere. You get it anywhere. Wrong.

Dennis:38th and 6th in the basement of the K-Mart. You just go downstairs, you get the key from David, and boom. You plug in the machine

Dennis:I am sorry that my disease has made you a victim of my sexual charisma. I am sorry that I have ruined you for other men.

Dennis:My support group? It's lousy with nymphos.

Dennis:With the help of Web M.D., I was recently self-diagnosed as a sex addict.

Dennis · Liz-as-Jenna:You know, I was the love of Liz's life. I'm not sure you were, but apology accepted.

Dennis:You want me to rank you. Apples and oranges, ladies.

Dennis · Jenna:I'm ranking you now. Hey, blondie. You're number one. I don't care! Thank you, Dennis.

Dennis:I've got a personalized vibration for each chick I used to put it to.

Dennis:No, no, no, Jose. Only babies out here. Don't you want to be a big boy?

Dennis · Liz:What was the one mistake those people in Denver made? One mistake? Yeah, there was no kid in the balloon.

Dennis:This is a public park named after Ron Artest.

Dennis:I knew you were supposed to push, but I didn't say anything.

Dennis:Get out of here, Joey. I'm recording my voicemail message.

Dennis:Yeah, I'm here to boff some chick named Mary. Hey... threesome?

Dennis:We didn't give up when America sent us back. And we didn't give up when Ireland then just set us adrift on a log, all right?

Dennis:Gas has no effect on me at all. When I was growing up, my school, Gerry Cooney Elementary, it was right next to a gas works in Queens.

Dennis:Our parents voted to spend it on a boat that the families could share, but then that sank.

Dennis:'cause you're a cook in the bedroom and a whore in the kitchen.

Dennis:It's like Netflix, but you go to a store, and you pick out your video from a limited selection. It'd be like five years ago.

Dennis:All I have is this kick-ass laser pointer that I point at nerds' crotches in the park.

Dennis · Criss:I tried to steal beer from a Duane reade, and some black guy cold-cocked me. / Ooh, like a security guard? / I don't know, pal. I don't see people that way

Dennis:I got this new business where I burn your old DVDs onto laserdisc

Dennis:I don't have health insurance because of Obama

Dennis:We're bang brothers

Dennis · Liz:You'll be back. / If I ever see you again, I'll kill you. / You'll be back, Liz Lemon. You'll be back

Dennis:Criss, get in here. There's a lez movie on showtime

Dennis:Their daughter, she goes off to college, and Mark Ruffalo, he's just gonna do his own thing with the restaurant

Dennis:She's a card girl at kangaroo boxing matches, so she's got a body, and she's loaded. Her grandfather invented the stop sign

Dennis:You're the most Irish person here

Dennis:I've got a brand-new business selling suicide insurance, and it's going great.

Dennis:Obviously, he's gonna be an athlete, so I only got to save up for, like, one year of college.

Dennis:You remember Megan Duffy, maiden name Duffy. Hopefully no relation.

Dennis:We decided to adopt 'cause Megan's real career-oriented right now, didn't want to wreck her boobs.

Dennis:Couple months later, boom, we got Black Dennis.

Dennis:Yeah, right, Liz, the guy with the black son is racist.

Dennis:Later days, dummies. 21st-century family coming through! This is the new normal!

Dennis:Mazel tov, dummies. You're Jewish, right, Liz?

Dennis:Ergo. Affleck's finally gonna get that Oscar.

Dennis:Black Dennis, start the car!

Dennis:Black Dennis got some cop's gun!