100 (1)

I was in the middle of bidding on a bag of bras on eBay.

It's not, hon. I saw that in a movie once, but in the movie, the guy was dead.

I was sitting in that chair a minute ago. Nope. That was me. What can I say? I smell like leather.

Well, I'll be Bake McBrided.

Without Tracy, your show is like my cholesterol. The numbers are killing me.

Got on Wikipedia this week.

A show that is number one in its time slot among men 18 to 49 months left in prison?

I thought this company was a family, but I guess it's that Austrian family and I am the girl in the basement, and you are the dad who has been brutally--

Just like the army doctor said to me after my weekend in Okinawa.

Jack Welch once smacked a pretzel out of my hand at the Super Bowl.

Lemon-style. [Everyone Dance Now music plays]

You gonna get me another sandwich or I'm gonna cut your face up so bad you'll have a chin. I will waste you!

And I don't really think it's fair for me to be on a jury because I'm a hologram.

He told me he feels like a Bartram's Scrub-Hairstreak trying to crawl back into its silky cocoon. Which is a butterfly metaphor, by the way, and not, as I first thought, a list of African-American hair products.

Jesus was black!

Really? Is it from that pie place?

There is no pie.

In 100 shows, we've done Pam 107 times.

Um, that wasn't me. There used to be another guy.

I will choke you to death with your boyfriend's wig!

Can you reminisce about something that's happened since I've been here, 'cause I couldn't see any of that.

If this turkey goes 100 episodes, I'll have your baby.

Wait. I saw that. How? Am I dead?

I better lay you across my grandmother's lap in the mating shed.

The only thing I want latched to my funbags are celebrity DJs.

I wish. Albinos get to be watchers in the mating shed.

'Who wore it best?' I did. I wore it best.

Tonight, TGS will not be the worst thing on television. It'll be John Stossel.

Why am I showing you guys this? It's gonna jinx everything. Plus you're a couple of pervs.

Isn't that show already half-dead?

Mystery novels written by janitors?

See? I got a new hair. It's white and it hurts, but--

Other possible side effects include hallucinations, revelation of secrets, telling of truths, flashbacks, headaches, nostalgia.

I don't know if there was a party planned--

I refuse to have long, gas-induced conversations with any of you people.

More like 100 little strokes.

Sure, he was an idiot, but he made great chili, and he didn't care if I watched TV during sex.

Just follow these... Troll penises! Oh, God! What have I done?

Why don't you shut your mouth, back that ass up and make me a sandwich?

I didn't go to Africa. I was hiding in a warehouse in Queens, watching vintage pornography.

What does that even mean? It's new haircuts, but you can make salads with them.

'Broken keyboard talk show'? I write what I know. Also I broke my keyboard.

And what is Farm Aid? Is it a drink? Is it a drug? Is it a bandage you put on a barn?

See, that's the kind of lazy stand-up I'll never do again.

F-u, l.l. Spells 'full,' because you're full of BS, Liz Lemon.

Be like Michael McDonald and take it to the streets.

I think Bono got in my limo.

No. And I wasn't even drinking anything.

I'm in my 40s, very difficult, and not that good at playing La Realite.

Who will grow up to be a little gay fancy man.

I'm getting too old for this [sound] that comes from this gas pipe.

I'm Jack Donaghy, CEO of General Electric. Who are you? I'm Jack Donaghy. You were Jack Donaghy.

I'll tell you what I don't do. Wear a striped tie with a striped shirt. It's called 'Power Clashing' and I do it because I can.

We made the cover during meetings history month? I made the cover.

And here... Isn't even GE anymore. It's Kableclown. 'Town,' Donaghy, and that's not funny.

Look at my claws! Sharks don't have claws. You don't even know what a shark is anymore!

Baseball caps with stupid sayings from the show written on them. What the hell is a 'Pwomp'?

It's when two fat people-- I don't care!

I am a Jedi!

I want to take a picture of him with my old-fashioned camera.

Don't tell anyone I did this.

I visited my rescue chimp for his birthday last week, and another chimp got mad and bit my nipple off. He played with it, and then he kissed it, and then he ate it.

I've only seen you use that computer to look at pictures of Nate Berkus.

Your wet, yet somehow flaky hand.

I became the American auto industry, failing to recognize that you can't fix a Lemon

She threw a birthday party for her TV.

I knew you were supposed to push, but I didn't say anything.

Is this just to talk, or will you be activating my electric underwear?

I mean, what if we had a child that was prettier than us? We'd have to leave it in a desert.

Right now, it's between 'Frisbeeface' and 'Glock,' gender irrelevant.

I want to hogtie you and hide you in the luggage compartment of a Greyhound bus with just a bowl of dirty water.

Get out of here, Joey. I'm recording my voicemail message.

Good evening, sir. I'm Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC. Can I ask you what you're doing here tonight?

Yeah, I'm here to boff some chick named Mary. Hey... threesome?

You were a mistake that I made at a time in my life when I could afford to make mistakes.

We didn't give up when America sent us back. And we didn't give up when Ireland then just set us adrift on a log, all right?

And out on the Plaza, a bird landed on my apple. I thought he was gonna eat it, but he just sat there. What's next? A different bird landing on a different apple?

I even called a woman's basketball team 'Nappy-headed hos,' but apparently, I'm allowed to talk like that.

I mean, look at March of the Penguins. Who was in that?

How much is a lap dance? I'm a little light on cash, but I have a PayPal account.

There are tears falling on her boobies, Liz Lemon.

I know you've been molested. That's how we all got here, but I don't want to hear about it.

But I wasn't even supposed to say that. The line was, 'Shereen, I hope Dr. Mogutu has good news about my endoscopy,' but I couldn't get it right, so they told me to improv.

It's not rape if neither party really wants it.

I borrowed your whale semen candle. It didn't work, by the way.

That's crazy. A man named 'Elia.' That's a giraffe's name.

I guess it would take a pretty big gas leak to make you think that was a good idea.

Gas has no effect on me at all. When I was growing up, my school, Gerry Cooney Elementary, it was right next to a gas works in Queens.

Our parents voted to spend it on a boat that the families could share, but then that sank.

'cause you're a cook in the bedroom and a whore in the kitchen.

This is how everyone talked in the '80s. This is how Reagan talked.

This tuxedo is made out of the Puma that I rode into my 50th birthday party.

It's after 6:00. What are we, farmers?

All pregnancies are hysterical. They're started by penises.

I cannot promise you that, Ken. I'm a horrible shot.

It's like Netflix, but you go to a store, and you pick out your video from a limited selection. It'd be like five years ago.

All I have is this kick-ass laser pointer that I point at nerds' crotches in the park.

You have grandchildren and a gorgeous Polyblasian wife. That's a new race that emerges in 2030. They're incredible.

You'll spearhead GE's development of the electric vagina.

In three years, they'll be married and living in Jacksonville, Florida, where he operates an unlicensed alligator park.

We're obviously all thinking it, so I'm just gonna say it. We're gonna have sex with each other, right?

That wouldn't be very fair. I'm only trained to fight four or more men at a time.

I'm not gonna be held back by some uterus turd.

You'll still get laughed out of the Vanity Fair Oscar party by Greg Kinnear.