Paul L'astnamé

Paul · Liz Lemon:Through a mutual fund. Friend, Jenna. / Oh, of course. Through a friend fund. Noted.

Paul:I'm just feeling the weight of Jenna's jewelry on my finger pads.

Announcer · Paul:Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for Miss Jinah Baloney! [Paul is revealed performing as a Jenna drag impersonator]

Paul · Liz Lemon:Jenna told me I didn't need to hide from you anymore. / All right, let's cut to the chase. What's your game, friend?

Paul:I am the luckiest 'shman' in the world.

Paul:I'd never tuck my penis again if she asked me.

Paul:All I want to do is spend my days listening to her talk and sing and scream at her cleaning lady on the phone.

Paul:That came out wrong. [Paul, after telling Jenna to choose between herself and herself]

Paul:Well, it's all true. I'm a native of Houston, and I love to cook healthy. And the female impersonator stuff.

Paul · Jenna:I'm the man here, and you're gonna respect me. / Yes, shma'am.

Paul:'Jenna and I are mirroring until we achieve touchless orgasm.'

Paul · Jenna:Paul and Jenna immediately declare 'And... finished.' right after Liz walks in on their 'mirroring.'

Paul · Jenna:Paul proposes Jenna meet his parents over Christmas. She reacts with horror.

Paul:Paul enters and casually announces: 'The restaurant was crazy today. During Nude Hour, I got custard all over my penis.'

Paul:Paul: 'I'm saying adopting a dog so it can watch us make love and then returning it, claiming that it bit our imaginary child, is everything that I need.'

Paul:Jenna and Paul break up over the sex tape disagreement; Paul: 'I'll trust you to fairly divide up our panties.'

Paul:I don't think about Jenna anymore. I don't think about kissing her or laughing with her or photographing her with just salamanders covering her nipples.

Paul:Can I get you a cup of coffee or an absinthe enema?

Jenna Maroney · Paul:You dress as Natalie Portman from Black Swan / and I dress as former Pittsburgh Steelers Wide Receiver and Pennsylvania Gubernatorial Nominee Lynn Swann. We're two black swans.

Jenna Maroney · Paul:Paul, do you think I'd be a good mother? / Of course not. And I'd be a terrible father. I mean, what if we had a child that was prettier than us? We'd have to leave it in a desert.

Paul:I love you, Jenna Maroney. I want to hogtie you and hide you in the luggage compartment of a Greyhound bus with just a bowl of dirty water.

Jenna Maroney · Paul:I'm so glad that you're able to meet me at my break. Is this just to talk, or will you be activating my electric underwear?

Paul:Of course not! And I'd be a terrible father. I mean, what if we had a child that was prettier than us? We'd have to leave it in a desert.

Paul:I love you, Jenna Maroney. I want to hog-tie you and hide you in the luggage compartment of a Greyhound bus with just a bowl of dirty water.

Paul:I got you an early anniversary present. It's a new leash for when I walk you through the park like a dog. Weather's supposed to be nice and muddy tomorrow.

Paul:I hate to be the stereotypical man, but this is my home, and I want to wear this blouse.

Paul:I'll cancel the sitter for tonight, tell him he won't need to come sit on us after all.

Paul:I am in the restaurant business, and I really love... golf playing.

Eugene · Paul:What's your handicap? / Oh. Well, I don't have one myself, but I do like a girl with a limp.

Paul · U. Jean Gremby:So, Mrs. Gremby, you're also named Eugene? / Oh, no, dear, it's U-period-Jean. My first name is U. Jean, with a U.

Paul:don't spew your statistics on the health benefits of weekly sittings or its wide acceptance in Eastern cultures

Jenna · Paul:This is our normal, and this is what we think of your morality clause. / Give Mommy some beard. / Oh, you've got some crumbs in here. / Oh, eat it.

Paul · Jenna:Jenna? / Oh, Jenna, no. / There you are! Bad dog! You'll go in the crate tonight.

Paul:Uh-oh, yawns are contagious. Like all the Thai STDs my penis is about to give you.

Paul:The sex monkey I bought in Jakarta.

Paul:It's a whole new fetish called... Normalling.

Paul:And I put that Afghan all over you because I thought your feet might get chilly. So chilly.

Paul:Normalling in public? You delicious whore.

Jenna · Paul:You know if we got cloth place mats then we could just throw them in the laundry. Well, these vinyl ones say dishwasher safe, that's easy. Yeah, easy for the person who never does the dishes.

Jenna · Paul:What we're doing is so sick, right? How many times have you climaxed? Zero. Me too. Bathroom organizers! Oh!

Paul:I always imagined this kind of thing would make me wanna tear my hair out and rip my skin off. But with you, it feels as natural as... having someone tear your hair out and rip your skin off.

Paul:We spend the next three months alone, doing every depraved thing we can think of with as many people as we can and if this, right now, is still the happiest we can make ourselves, we'll stay together forever.

Paul:Where we'll lie on top of each other in one coffin, pelvis to face, for eternity.

Paul · Jenna · Tracy:Tracy, if you'll excuse us. / No, Paul. If it wasn't for Tracy, we wouldn't be here right now. He can stay. / No, I'm cool. I'm gonna leave.

Paul:Paul describes the engagement ring: 'Liza Minnelli's baby tooth surrounded by rubies that passed through a terrified Michael Kors.'

Paul:Paul: 'I am the man here, Jenna. I may have a dress and a wig and a gynecologist, but I am the man.'

Paul:Paul: 'I am the man here, Jenna. I may have a dress and a wig and a gynecologist, but I am the man.'

Paul · Jenna:Paul proposes on live TV with the ring — Jenna says 'Oh, Paul. No, no, a million times no.'

Paul:Paul's proposal includes defining 'old': 'Old being an acronym for oxylaprodexatrin, a hallucinogenic plant extract that makes sex terrifying.'

Jenna · Paul:Jenna reveals she had a surprise wedding planned: 'You just ruined my surprise wedding!' — complete with Paul waiting upstairs and Reverend Gimp

Paul:'I guess I ate all that asparagus for nothing.'

Paul:Paul, inside the steamer trunk for hours: 'It's all right! The lack of oxygen is making me orgasm!'

Paul:Paul's wedding vow: 'I promise to always pour antibiotics all over your penis before you staple it to anything.'