Live From Studio 6H

Jack:Jack mocks the enthusiasm for live TV by sarcastically addressing an imaginary crowd: 'Here in the greatest city on earth, New York City, baby? Whassup?'

Liz:Liz's flashback to her parents' basement: 'Best sweet 16 ever. I'm going to lose my virginity in nine years.'

Liz · Kim Kardashian:Liz argues live TV is exciting because 'anything can happen' — cut to Kim Kardashian needing to use the bathroom

Liz:'I want to go to there.' — Liz responds to Jack's offer of only working two weeks a year

Hazel:Hazel: 'There's a rumor spreading around here like wildfire... But unlike the wildfires I've started, this one doesn't sexually arouse me.'

Jenna · Liz:Jenna: 'Paul and I have decided to get married. And I told him to propose tonight on TG—' / Liz: 'Absolutely not!' / Jenna: 'You didn't let me finish. S.'

Jenna:Jenna: 'I've been working on my reaction since I was 3.' Then demonstrates an over-the-top 'Aaah!' scream

PA · Liz:'Mr. Jordan just discovered you can get pornography on the Internet.' / Liz: 'Oh, my god. He's going to die in there.'

Liz:Oh, my god. He's going to die in there.

Kenneth · Jack:Kenneth convenes a meeting invoking '12 Angry Men'; Jack dismisses it: '11 decent Americans are swayed by Jane Fonda's father?'

Hazel:Hazel's escalating fantasy about her plan to get discovered: 'Next stop, Hollywood, Florida to get the car from my mom. Next stop, California Pizza Kitchen. And tell my old boss to suck it. Next stop, Tinseltown, because Christmas decorations are really cheap this time of year.'

Announcer:The fake 1950s TV sponsor: 'Made with milk, is the cheese that won World War II. Don't ask how.'

Larry · Doris:In the 1950s parody 'The Lovebirds,' Larry threatens to 'blow your face off' — Doris replies: 'It would still be better than our honeymoon. What was wrong with Niagara Falls? Your mother found it chilly.'

Larry:Larry threatens to 'drown you in the bathtub and say a mental patient did it.'

Doris:Larry has a real heart attack on the live show; Doris responds: 'Here, eat the bacon. It'll lubricate your heart. Ride it out. Ride it to hell. Come on now, Larry. Don't be a sissy.'

Doris:Doris also claims to be having a heart attack, then adds: 'My marriage is a sham. I got syphilis from Orson Welles.'

Dr. Leo Spaceman:Dr. Spaceman introduces himself as 'known in the industry as the Gay Doctor, because I always have a smile on my face. Because I had homosexual lovers.'

Dr. Leo Spaceman:Chatterton cigarettes ad: 'Are you a modern woman who is in the family way? Smoke Chattertons cigarettes. Your baby's lungs need refreshing nicotine for science reasons. And his growing bones need tar to hold them together.'

Dr. Leo Spaceman:The Chattertons ad survey: 'Nine out of ten doctors surveyed said, You have a lot of nerve calling here Spaceman, after what you've tried on my nephew.'

Announcer:Chatterton jingle: 'Official cigarette of the American Heart Association.'

Jenna · Unknown:Jenna to someone: 'Remember that package you made me take to Singapore last summer? I just got out of Changi prison.' The person responds: 'Thank you. Just portion control and exercise.'

Paul:Paul describes the engagement ring: 'Liza Minnelli's baby tooth surrounded by rubies that passed through a terrified Michael Kors.'

Jenna:Jenna: 'According to Roe v. Dwyane Wade, I have a right to choose.'

Paul:Paul: 'I am the man here, Jenna. I may have a dress and a wig and a gynecologist, but I am the man.'

Paul:Paul: 'I am the man here, Jenna. I may have a dress and a wig and a gynecologist, but I am the man.'

Kenneth:Kenneth listing great live TV moments: 'The moon landing. The Beatles. The Voice results show.'

Kenneth · Lutz:Kenneth mentions Lutz getting nervous on live TV and throwing up. Lutz: 'Oh, I had a lobster roll and two yogurts.'

Kenneth:Joey Montero described as 'just like Tracy Jordan because he did not want to rehearse and he wanted to leave as soon as possible'

Tracy:Joey Montero (Tracy in flashback): 'We've got a great show for you tonight. And even if we don't, there's only two other channels, so who cares?'

Tracy:Joey Montero: 'I feel great. I slept like a baby last night. I woke up crying with a boob in my mouth.'

Tracy:Joey Montero repeatedly misnames Dusty Springfield: 'Donkey Springbeam,' 'Deedee Stringbean'

Tracy Jordan (as Joey Montero):Joey interrupts Dusty Springfield's performance: 'I can see it inside your mouth.'

Tracy:Joey Montero asks 'Are we on a boat?' mid-performance

Tracy Jordan (as Joey Montero):Joey invites 'Deedee Stringbean' to dinner but specifies she must 'bring half and half for the morning though'

Kenneth:Kenneth: 'Glamour. Excitement. What we today would call alcoholism.'

Tracy Jordan (as Joey Montero):Joey: 'I just burped up some clams casino, which is weird because I didn't even have any.'

Kenneth:Kenneth explains that NBC's 'Alfie and Abner' hired 'one African-American and one Caucasian because they thought two black people on the same show would make the audience nervous. A rule NBC still uses today.'

Theodore Freeman (Alfie):Actor playing Alfie refuses to perform in the sketch: 'Oh, hell no. I am not doing this.'

Kenneth:Kenneth narrates: 'NBC received a lot of complaints... that the show wasn't on often enough. So they forced Theodore Freeman to honor his contract.'

Theodore Freeman (sketch character):Actor breaks character: 'Sir, I am asking you as a human being so please stop talking like that.' / 'This is debasing to both of us.'

Theodore Freeman:Theodore Freeman, while being forced to perform degrading dialect, maintains his dignity: 'This is debasing to both of us. I was a Tuskegee Airman... I believe nonviolence is the path to change.'

Jack:Jack: 'I've frankly lost track of what you were trying to convince us of with these detailed descriptions of TV shows.'

Jack · Kenneth:Jack: 'Times change. Television replaced radio. Cars replaced horses.' / Kenneth: 'Not where I'm from.' / Jack: 'Are you telling me the mayor of your hometown is a car? Pretty weird.'

Dr. Leo Spaceman:Second Spaceman commercial — adult lawyer ad: 'clap your feet, until your service monkey dials the number below. Then use the rectum you have instead of a mouth to say something like 'wrulgh' or 'thunghth' to signify that you wish to join a class action suit.'

Announcer:Jingle: 'If your mother smoked Chattertons, your sexual organs are covered in bone.'

Liz · Kenneth:Liz: 'Oh my God, Kenneth. It's my period. It's gonna blow.' Kenneth: 'We both know you're not due for another nine days.'

Dickie Gruber:The Gruber Brothers sketch: 'Hey Nipsey, what do you get when you cross a lady driver with a Vietcong? A hundred thousand senseless days.'

Dickie Gruber:Gruber announces: 'Now, as you know, Nipsey... I'm the first streaker. Streaking's the new thing. We touched penises.'

Chet Huntley · David Brinkley · Jamie Garnett:The Jamie Garnett sequence: A 1970s NBC newscast consistently refuses to acknowledge that the reporter on the scene is a woman, despite her being visibly present and competent.

Chet Huntley:Huntley: 'Now, where did you find that microphone, sugar mouth? Was it just lying there on the ground?' and 'This just in, the NBC male news reporter Jamie Garnett is missing.'

Kenneth:Kenneth narrates: 'While they never found Jamie Garnett, that woman who stole his microphone went on to become a wife.'

Jenna:Jenna: 'This is New York state, bitch, anyone can marry anything now.'

Jenna · Liz:Jenna: 'Rick Santorum was right. How could I have been so blind?' Liz: 'Because you're a horrible person.' Jenna: 'Thank you. Just portion control and lots of water.'

Tracy:Tracy's flashback: his 1986 church dance crew telethon performance ends with 'Ow, my coccyx!'

Tracy:Tracy says 'It's not funny. Coccyx is the scientific term for your butt bone.' Then repeats it: 'I like it. Coccyx.' And 'Hey, what do you call this? This is the garry-o-many core.'

Tracy · Jack:Tracy: 'That was when I realized I was a ridiculous man.' / Jack: 'Tracy, I was there. As a lower-level GE employee, I was answering phones at that telethon. When you took off your clothes, they cut to the phone banks.'

Jack · Prank Caller:Young Jack's prank call: Woman pretends General Electric is a person named General Electric and that she's the mother of his child ('Toby Electric'), escalating to Jack screaming: 'I will roast you alive in an oven I design myself, using two, no, three kinds of heat.'

Liz:Young Liz, before hanging up: 'Yeah, except your mom last night.'

Young Jack (flashback):Young Jack's prank escalates: 'Toby, come talk to your father. Daddy, it's your son, Toby Electric.'

Jack (as young telethon operator):The telethon operator (older Jack) threatens: 'I will roast you alive in an oven I design myself, using two, no, three kinds of heat. I'm Jack Donaghy, damn it.'

Liz · Jack:Jack: 'Watching you get all red-faced on TV... that was the night I found my calling. Sticking it to the man.' / Jack: 'You know what? That night changed my life, too. Don Geiss saw my loyalty/handsomeness and the next day he promoted me out of poisons and into microwaves.'

Jack:Jack announces TGS will remain live via product placement deal: 'We'll do more sponsor product placements — you should do it with the upcoming Warner Brothers movie Rock of Ages, based on the hit Broadway musical. Rocking a theater near you June 15th. Tom Cruise sings.' / 'Or I'll just pay you all less.'

Jack · Kenneth:The show is saved via a product placement deal for the Warner Brothers movie 'Rock of Ages': 'Tom Cruise sings.' Kenneth reads it aloud; Jack adds 'Or I'll just pay you all less.'

Jack:Or I'll just pay you all less.

Stage Manager:Stage manager: 'We're on in five, four, three, krang—' [instead of completing the countdown]

Announcer:The TGS sketch title: 'Prince William and Prince Time Travelling Fart Detectives'

Hazel:After the sketch title is announced: 'Ha, take that, The Man!'

Hazel · Tracy:Hazel, in the TGS sketch: 'Prince, do you smell something fishy?' Tracy (as Prince William): 'Who's that dude?'

Paul · Jenna:Paul proposes on live TV with the ring — Jenna says 'Oh, Paul. No, no, a million times no.'

Paul:Paul's proposal includes defining 'old': 'Old being an acronym for oxylaprodexatrin, a hallucinogenic plant extract that makes sex terrifying.'

Jenna:Jenna's explanation: 'I want to get married for you. And so you can't testify against me in court.'

Jack · Jenna:After the public proposal refusal goes viral, Jack notes: 'Wow. 2.5 million people just saw that.' [Beat] 'And now 14 million people saw it.' Jenna: 'You're welcome. Oh, and also I broke your toilet.'

Tracy Jordan:Tracy emerges from the internet pornography room: 'Wow. Wow, 2.5 million people just saw that. And now 14 million people saw it. You're welcome, oh and also I broke your toilet.'