Murphy Brown Lied To Us

♪ Cleanup, cleanup ♪ ♪ do your own housework, you little crackers ♪ - what? - My kindergarten teacher was a former black panther.

You look like you're in a gay porno.

Oh, yeah? You're one to talk, buddy. I'm Brent. I'm the new guy on the crew. I'm Rod. I'm the boss. And what I say goes.

I've never been with a man before. Looks like I'm the boss now... Rod.

Oh! What are we doing? - I don't know. Whatever! Let's wrestle! It doesn't matter.

You have a baby name book, and you circled Adolf?

Actually, I borrowed that book from my mother, so be glad I'm not a boy.

Murphy brown lied to us.

She had Eldin.

I keep getting my neighborallure magazine.

'cause nunchaku-ing can wear a guy out

We have been creating and solving this country's problems for 200 years. Where's our history month?

which costs... I don't know, $90 a gallon?

Raymour and his conjoined twin, Flanigan.

Ashley of Ashley furniture will be there, and he is a genitally androgynous pinhead.

I hope success isn't far, far away.

What aboutstar wars do you want to say, lemon?

School, church, alone on the playground, a child therapist's office.

Nixon's been dead almost 20 years, not in cryogenic hibernation, resting up for 2016.

Has anyone ever known a good person named Kevin?

I'm thinking Sonny and... Cher.

Kevin garnett helped me move once. Kevin costner cooked me dinner after a bad breakup. Kevin Sorbo intRoduced me to his podiatrist.

I was busy burning down the panda express that I had fallen in love with.

Something I wish I'd known before I released my sex tape with the six flags guy.

"Da-mi", "de-mi", Heather, Lindsay, Britney, Muammar... so sad. A life cut short.

So sad. A life cut short. He gave the best diamonds.

Justin and K-fed, Bruce and Ashton, Samantha Ronson and Herbie the Lovebug.

They turned it into a training facility for single mothers to teach illegal immigrants how to fill out unemployment forms.

We bought it at west elm.

All they teach us now is how to build rollercoasters and survivor challenges.

He baked those rocks and sold them to children. As gum.

I cannot give it to you. I'm a married man. But more importantly, I find you very unattractive.

Partying too hard with Christian slater? Furious about Nafta? Y2k panic? My heyday was the '90s.

He started by being boring and ruining my anniversary, 'cause Angie wanted to take advantage of "all the great theatre in New York".

'Cause those guys always put fuel in my tank.

"Sent from one of my four iPads"?

"Dudely, let's make coffee our bitch."

You know what this country used to sit on? Logs. Girders. Poles.

Kouchtown. Sit down or get out of the way.

I can see the veins behind my eyes. Oh! I can see pain!

The design forces the sitter into what Israeli military interrogators call a stress position.

It comes in espresso, dandelion, putty, and, as you see here, lagoon.

You look like a substitute teacher who just got her one-year a.A. Chip.

Dhanalakshmi, I'm happy for you, and I'm gonna let you finish, but I just gotta say, Gurubarath Kurrupuswami spelled one of the toughest words of all time!

Then a kleptomania relapse ending in orgasm and arrest.

Me running through that window.

Where I'm from, Uncle Sam's mouth is sewn up, and then he's set on fire, so I don't know how he talks.

This couch... Is a failure. I hate golf. One time in college, I smoked a clove cigarette. I keep buying candles as gifts and keeping them for myself. My natural hair color is bright red.

And will you accept dancing as money?

A media-savvy crackhead, I know.

I can see that you're on a skateboard, David. This is why we broke up, Jenna.

At one point, your veneers fell off, and you had these little baby fangs.

you were the only one who shot my wife.

It's patronizing. Like girls don't know what jobs are.

I had my first crush on a shop teacher who looked just like Boo Radley.

but they wanted to call me shorts accident.

So we settled on Supervirgin.

So we settled on supervirgin.

but I can negotiate up from puked in thermos.

That people who talk the most in meetings often know the least. She sat in two meetings with me. I crushed it.

Either the wicked queen inDisney on ice or the third woman president.

And he's in trouble, too, 'cause I watched some boxercise videos on demand before coming down here.

game go is not a phrase.

You tried to dine at Balthazar without a reservation!

You mean our grave. Where we'll lie on top of each other in one coffin, pelvis to face, for eternity.

Oh, you are being so trans-vaginal right now.

Sink them and make a reef to protect gay turtles?

Sink them and make a reef to protect gay turtles?

Tree bark. Glass. Shotgun shells. The broken swords of our vanquished enemies.

It's like chewing a Mountain that someone shot a freeze ray into.