Jack's mom upstages his ribbon-cutting ceremony. Meanwhile Jenna hooks up with a "rock star" and Tracy frets about his son heading to college.
Absurdist humor dominates 87.6-rated episode with 2.32 jokes-per-minute velocity.
Directed by Linda Mendoza · Written by Ron Weiner
WAR
160
Wins Above Replacement
“Meet The Woggels!” ranks #24 of 138 30 Rock episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 100.0 — Elite. The episode packs 86 scored jokes at 3.4 per minute, averaging 7.9 on craft and 7.8 on impact, with Jack Donaghy landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
Get weekly comedy rankings
Join comedy fans getting new analyses, score drops, and the funniest moments each week. Free, no spam.
Top Jokes
Tracy Jordan · Grizz: It's montage time. / Tray, montage got married and quit stripping.
The Woggels: Final Woggels song: '♪ Apples / you taste good / Trees / you give us wood / Grandma / I am gay / Bridge / you turn me on in a sexual way ♪'
The Woggels Absurdist Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Jenna Maroney: Maybe Raffi. Or the sedated prisoner they put inside of Barney.
Tracy Jordan: Like teaching him how to ride a bike... Down the Luxor pyramid. / Or drive a car... into the ground. / I never even taught him how to shave... an orangutan.
Colleen Donaghy: You have two minutes to find that battery before I die.
All Jokes — 86 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Liz Lemon: The TGS sweatshirts were supposed to say 'TGS Season Six, Yuck,' which is a catch-phrase from a pretty great sketch. But they got misprinted and now they say 'TGS Season Six, Duck!' And that's a season five catchphrase.
Jack Donaghy: A real problem is losing your giant scissors right before a ribbon-cutting for a couch factory. I just...had them.
Jack Donaghy: Factories provide three things this country desperately needs: Jobs, pride, and material for Bruce Springsteen songs.
Liz Lemon: Great, so we solved your problem, but now I've gotta wear last year's sweatshirt to my cousin's wedding.
Liz Lemon Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Callback Kenneth Parcell: Oh, I listened to rock and roll music once, but I stopped before I started worshipping the devil. The song went, 'Mr. Sandma--', then I shut it off.
Liz Lemon: Back in Chicago, I walked in on you with the guy from Blues Traveler. He still had his harmonica thing on.
Jenna Maroney: Like Yoko Ono and the Beatles, or Lance Drake Mandrell and Wilson Phillips.
Jenna Maroney: They sold out Madison Square Garden in nine minutes, for a Tuesday morning show.
Liz Lemon · Jenna Maroney: Wait, who plays on a Tuesday morning? / I don't know, just a little band called the Woggels.
The Woggels: ♪ Apples are red / bananas are yellow / I love my friends, bananas are yellow ♪ — The Woggels' song lyrics
Jenna Maroney: My Russ is the blue one. He's about to do something amazing.
Liz Lemon: Oh, I know the Woggels. My eight-year-old niece walked down the aisle to that song at her wedding.
Liz Lemon Setup/Punchline Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Jenna Maroney: Well, it ticks off a lot of boxes on my sexual walkabout list. 'Yoko a band, make love to a beloved children's entertainer, be with a non-aboriginal Australian--'
Jenna Maroney: Maybe Raffi. Or the sedated prisoner they put inside of Barney.
Tracy Jordan: Something terrible has happened! And for once I'm not talking about the collapse of the middle class.
Tracy Jordan: My oldest son, George Foreman, got into Stanford.
Dotcom: Tracy, that's awesome. Stanford's a great school. I didn't even get in, and I was first in my class. Although, only seven of us graduated that year because of a bad mono outbreak which somehow missed me, despite all the frenching I did.
Dotcom Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Tracy Jordan: Jordan men don't go to college. We go to the school of hard knocks, a one-year vocational program where you learn to bang on doors and scare people into subscribing to magazines that they'll never get.
Tracy Jordan · Dotcom: Really, Dotcom? How did your city council campaign go? / Well, as far as raising the level of discourse in this city? I'd say it was a great success.
Tracy Jordan: This is Angie's fault! She coddled him. I'm gonna teach my son what it is to be a Jordan. And I'm gonna die trying!
Dr. Singh: Born April 24, 1925, at Boston Catholic Guilt Hospital.
Dr. Singh Setup/Punchline Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Dr. Singh · Jack Donaghy: She keeps calling me Aladdin. / That's definitely her.
Dr. Singh: We found your name on a list of disappointments she keeps folded up in her shoe.
Dr. Singh Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Colleen Donaghy: Dr. Singh, are you stealing my hats? What do you do, feed them to your cow God?
Colleen Donaghy: Somebody got all flouncy when I wasn't looking. What are you gonna do, put on your galoshes and go eat some fruit, like a Frenchman?
Colleen Donaghy: There's only one reason I came to New York, and that's because Gunga Din here takes my insurance.
Jack Donaghy: My good friend Dick Cheney got one. A month later, he and I went hunting in Mexico. He shot thousands of doves that day and only hit me in the leg once.
The Woggels: ♪ Basketballs hula hoops rollercoaster loop-the-loops / you just heard the Woggels sing / a very silly list of things ♪ — Woggels mid-song
Jack Donaghy: Like the flashlight in my race war preparedness bag.
Colleen Donaghy · Jack Donaghy: What good would he have been? He's useless in a hospital. I recall this one time he cried and cried. I mean, it was more like wailing. It was awful. / She's referring to my birth.
Colleen Donaghy: This is supposed to be a hospital, not a Japanese internment camp I volunteered at during the war.
Jack Donaghy: You could look out at the park and watch carriage horses being whipped. I know how you love that.
Colleen Donaghy: I can't go to the Plaza, and you know it. What if I run into Eloise? Am I supposed not to mention the fact that she has a gay grandson? Everybody knows!
Jack Donaghy: Because at Ellis Island, your mother's name was recorded as 'unclaimed Irish stowaway.'
Tracy Jordan: Son, we have a lot of work to do today if I'm gonna 'reverse Urkel' you.
Tracy Jordan: Jordan men don't read. Grizz, tear this book in half.
Tracy Jordan · Grizz: It's montage time. / Tray, montage got married and quit stripping.
Jack Donaghy: Lemon, my mother did explain sex to me, three years ago. There were... drawings.
Liz Lemon: You talk in your sleep. I know what you did in the war, and before you die, I want you to know that I know.
Liz Lemon Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jack Donaghy: There was no need for us to start jabbering about our feelings and sobbing like Bill Belichick listening to Adele.
Jack Donaghy: As my coffee cup said this morning, 'you only regret the things you didn't do. This cup was made from recycled toilet paper.'
Liz Lemon · Jack Donaghy: Last word. / Damn it!
Jenna Maroney: It's good. It's really good. And this is coming from someone Quincy Jones once pushed off a boat.
Jenna Maroney: It doesn't matter what this brain thinks. It matters what this brain thinks.
Jack Donaghy: She won't go to a hotel, and she hates the Princeton Club, because Dean Cain is always there hoping to get recognized.
Jack Donaghy: I tried to leave her at the 'Bodies' exhibit.
Jack Donaghy · Liz Lemon: I decided something last night after I got your tenth text message, one of which was an inscrutable emoticon. Hold it sideways, it's me going like this: 'Talk to your mother!' The '8' is my glasses.
Liz Lemon · Jack Donaghy: Well, your way is wrong, and I bet Colleen agrees with me. / I'm glad you said that, Lemon. Good luck.
Colleen Donaghy: Can we do something about the temperature in here? I'd like it humid and cold.
Colleen Donaghy: Duck! [Colleen's reaction to the word]
Ian (Woggel): In Australia, 'woggel' means 'white.'
Jenna Maroney: Yoko announcement. Russ wrote a song. A great song. And if you don't sing it at the Gwammys, which is the Grammys for toddlers, Russ is going solo.
Ian (Woggel): Except for the shark that got a hold of the fifth Woggel.
Liz Lemon · Colleen Donaghy: Don't you think, at a certain point in life, parents and children should sit down and express their feelings before it's too late? / God on a wheel!
Colleen Donaghy: Jackie and I know how we feel. We don't have to say it out loud like a couple of gays getting married in jean shorts in Provincetown while I'm just trying to enjoy an ice cream on the pier!
Liz Lemon: Maybe you'll listen to the words of Mike and the Mechanics, whose song The Living Years I definitely remember.
Liz Lemon: 'Say it out, speak it clear. You should listen, dude. Also, hear. It's too late, when--'
Liz Lemon Character Comedy Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Callback Colleen Donaghy: You have two minutes to find that battery before I die.
Liz Lemon: You guys do not like talking!
Tracy Jordan · Grizz/Dotcom · Tracy Jordan: George Foreman is not going to Stanford. He's decided to permanently join the entourage. I'll start the paperwork. / It takes a week to get an I.D. / Tony will rush it for me. We do Zumba together.
Tracy Jordan: Like teaching him how to ride a bike... Down the Luxor pyramid. / Or drive a car... into the ground. / I never even taught him how to shave... an orangutan.
Tracy Jordan: You had the baby? Okay. Name him George Foreman. And also, we're out of soda at home.
Tracy Jordan · Dotcom: I wish I had a father to talk to. But Liz Lemon is the only person I know who even has a father. / Well, Mr. Jordan, speaking from experience, All My Children... was cancelled.
Russ (Woggel): ♪ Mommy kangaroo mommy kangaroo / separate the races, mommy kangaroo ♪
Russ · Jenna Maroney: The what? / No. That song, like everything, is about me. I'm the baby kangaroo who went on the walkabout.
Colleen Donaghy · Jack Donaghy: Jack, can we make sure the pilot is a man. I don't know, ever since Amelia Earhart, I'm a little skittish about lady pilots. / Yes, mother, Captain Chuck Cutler. I'm told he has a mustache. / Mm, good.
Colleen Donaghy: Sew up your cabbage hole, girl.
Tracy Jordan: Lime to a Lemon, you need to tell me what to do about George Foreman.
Jenna Maroney · Tracy Jordan · Liz Lemon: Three-way simultaneous conversation: Jenna ('Jenna made me forget about...why I came here'), Tracy ('What if I'm already too late?'), Liz Lemon ('What if Paul's actually...replaced me?') — all talking past each other.
Liz Lemon: Communicate! Go to Paul, go to George Foreman. And as difficult as it might be, talk to them. Before you lose them forever, tell them how you feel. Have the talk. George Foreman first, dinner break, then Paul.
Liz Lemon Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Colleen Donaghy · Jack Donaghy: I'm sorry, was that supposed to be for our benefit? Do you think we're idiots? / If you were my kid, I'd mail you back to the stork.
Jack Donaghy · Colleen Donaghy: When I was eight, she took me to the post office because I spilled juice on a couch reserved for the Pope, which has still never been used. / He'll come.
Colleen Donaghy · Jack Donaghy: But I am sorry I tried to mail you. / I forgive you. And I'm sorry about the juice, which you should know was actually wine.
Colleen Donaghy · Jack Donaghy: You know, you've always been my favorite child. / Thank you. / You never gave me any trouble. You always ate your vegetables, you went to church, and you loved breast feeding.
Jack Donaghy · Colleen Donaghy · Liz Lemon: If I've ever had any success in this life, it's because of you. / Oh. / I made this happen!
Liz Lemon: Not a part of this, I get it. But I made this happen! I made this happen.
Tracy Jordan: Son, this isn't easy for me to say, because my tongue caught what my foot has.
Tracy Jordan: Even if you become a doctor, or a lawyer, or a philanthropist who devotes his life to others. I'll still be proud of you.
Tracy Jordan · George Foreman · Tracy Jordan: Good-bye, my son. / But dad, college doesn't start for another five months. / I said, good-bye, my son.
Jenna Maroney: Oh, God. He's dressed like her.
Liz Lemon: Look on the bright side. My thing went perfectly.
Liz Lemon Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Colleen Donaghy · Jack Donaghy: This was your mother's. / Well, I know, but I wanted to make sure you got it. // Hang on. If your plan was to have surgery, then go back to Florida without ever seeing me, why did you bring this with you?
Colleen Donaghy · Jack Donaghy: What is this, the Spanish Inquisition? / Oh. Oh, you'd know. You lived through it.
Colleen Donaghy · Jack Donaghy · Liz Lemon: Get...off. Ow! / Get...off. / I did this!
The Woggels: Final Woggels song: '♪ Apples / you taste good / Trees / you give us wood / Grandma / I am gay / Bridge / you turn me on in a sexual way ♪'
The Woggels Absurdist Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback The Woggels: ♪ Apples / You taste good / Trees / You give us wood / Grandma / I am gay / Bridge / You turn me on in a sexual way ♪
