Wedding fever hits TGS, leaving Liz to sort out Grizz's dilemma when both Tracy and Dot Com want to be his best man. Jenna's new boyfriend, Paul, raises Liz and Pete's suspicions, while Jack is finally forced to deal with the death of his mentor, Don Geiss, when Geiss leaves him a strange but meaningful inheritance.
Absurdist escalation drives 57 jokes across 42 minutes—peak Season 4 density.
Directed by Jeff Richmond · Written by Paula Pell, Dylan Morgan
WAR
123.4
Wins Above Replacement
“Argus” ranks #45 of 138 30 Rock episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 99.0 — Elite. The episode packs 75 scored jokes at 3.5 per minute, averaging 7.8 on craft and 7.5 on impact, with Liz Lemon landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Kenneth Parcell: Sir, I think there's a lot about this world that we don't understand. Like the afterlife. Or how bread turns into toast.
Pete Hornberger · Liz Lemon · Jenna Maroney: Remember when she dated that sniper? / And so it's over. Jenna, there's a laser sight on your forehead. / Oh, please. He's not gonna fire. For God's sakes, he's scared of his own mother! Aren't cha, Alan? / Aah!
Jack Donaghy: How to avoid getting paper cuts while making love on a pile of money.
Tracy Jordan · Liz Lemon: He's in love with Grizz's fiancée... Feyonce! / Oh, your stutter is back. / No, Grizz's fiancée's name is Feyonce. Like Beyoncé with an 'F.'
Beth: So now I am Grizz and Feyonce's Woman of Honor. And he wants me to give the same speech at the Hunts Point Marriott while wearing a dashiki. So you're-- In three weddings in the same day, yeah. You're welcome.
Beth Escalation Character Comedy All Jokes — 75 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Liz Lemon: It is a Vietnamese size two.
Jack Donaghy: Do you know what it's like when a younger man shows up wearing the same cufflinks? You might as well be invisible.
Jack Donaghy · Liz Lemon: A suicide cult! / A gym.
Liz Lemon: If the will says that you have to spend the night in a haunted house, you better hope that everybody else there is black guys and sluts.
Jack Donaghy: Maybe that boyhood sled he held so dear. I believe he called it... Sleddy.
Jack Donaghy · Liz Lemon: Something which I, in turn, can then pass on to my... Protege. Any chance it's one of those bendy hospital beds? Maybe. He did have three.
Tracy Jordan · Jack Donaghy: Life is like TV. Testing tells us that people like weddings, births, and episodes where a character dies. That's dumb. My heart!
Tracy Jordan: You sound like my mother talking to the planned parenthood lady.
Tracy Jordan: Which one of your rich and famous friends with hepatitis B are you going to pick?
Tracy Jordan: You sound like my mother being pulled onstage at a 2 Live Crew concert.
Tracy Jordan: Damn. My mother had problems.
Tracy Jordan Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Liz Lemon: Oh, brother, we have to tell Jenna we can't do her Kardashian sketch because Jack is 'bros' with Lamar Odom.
Pete Hornberger: Are you soaking your tampon in vodka again?
Jenna Maroney: Because the glue is abrasive.
Liz Lemon · Pete Hornberger: Is there any chance this might make our lives easier? No way. I have seen this 100 times. She gets psyched about some guy, he reveals himself to be crazy, then there's a terrible breakup, and we suffer.
Pete Hornberger · Liz Lemon · Jenna Maroney: Remember when she dated that sniper? / And so it's over. Jenna, there's a laser sight on your forehead. / Oh, please. He's not gonna fire. For God's sakes, he's scared of his own mother! Aren't cha, Alan? / Aah!
Pete Hornberger · Liz Lemon: Remember this breakup, when she bit me? Pete, that was, like, two years ago. It just won't heal.
Estate Lawyer: His daughter. His lovely wife. His even lovelier mistress. The secret Canadian family. And his even more secret attic family.
Don Geiss (via will) · Jack Donaghy: My beloved pet peacock, Argus.
Jack Donaghy: Hello, old friend. [Jack greets the peacock with complete sincerity]
Liz Lemon: Ugh! Vietnamese size two. [Liz struggles with the bridesmaid dress — visual gag inferred]
Beth: Because of our sexual past. [Cerie asks why it would be awkward; Beth says this]
Beth Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Grizz: Leave it open. I'd feel safer. [After the sexual past revelation, Grizz asks Beth to leave the door open — reaction beat]
Grizz Reaction Beat Character Comedy Callback Grizz: You know my every thought, Beth. We really were the Sam and Diane of this place.
Grizz Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Paul · Liz Lemon: Through a mutual fund. Friend, Jenna. / Oh, of course. Through a friend fund. Noted.
Liz Lemon · Pete Hornberger: He works for a bankrupt circus.
Pete Hornberger: I'm guessing... already-married cat strangler.
Liz Lemon: Agh! Living dinosaur! [Liz's reaction to suddenly encountering the peacock in the hallway]
Jack Donaghy: Peacocks can live up to 40 years, longer if they're not part of Mike Tyson's home zoo.
Jack Donaghy: How to avoid getting paper cuts while making love on a pile of money.
Jack Donaghy: We three peacocks felt like we owned the world.
Liz Lemon · Jack Donaghy: Oh, his feather went in my mouth. Ew, it's so oily. / Lemon, he's marked you. He thinks you're his wife.
Tracy Jordan · Beth: Really? I'd be awesome at that. / You would. / Now of course you couldn't sing and-- / But who's gonna tell you two? The wedding band is U2? / No! You two idiots!
Tracy Jordan: I see what you're trying to do. You're trying to manipulate me into not being the best man. And, damn it, Grizz, I've known you since you was six feet tall!
Tracy Jordan: I am the leader of this entourage! And because of you, I'm having a tantrum! Now pick up that table and smash it for me!
Paul: I'm just feeling the weight of Jenna's jewelry on my finger pads.
Paul Character Comedy Visual Gag Pete Hornberger: Oklahoma. They couldn't find cowboy hats big enough for my kid's head, so they're just wearing turbans.
Tracy Jordan: Words are the first step on the road to deeds!
Doctor/Vet: Oh, my, what a gorgeous swamp eagle.
Jack Donaghy: He lives... or you die.
Kenneth Parcell: I was about to suggest the same thing.
Tracy Jordan: Whoa, you watch your mouth, before I show you the back of my hand.
Tracy Jordan: Show up one time, not lose a ring, keep my shirt on through a dinner? Psh.
Tracy Jordan · Liz Lemon: He's in love with Grizz's fiancée... Feyonce! / Oh, your stutter is back. / No, Grizz's fiancée's name is Feyonce. Like Beyoncé with an 'F.'
Tracy Jordan: You think that's impressive, watch me stand on one foot. [Proceeds to fail]
Pete Hornberger: That's a bar. We're gonna have to drink a lot to fit in.
Pete Hornberger: Can I get five more beers here? Name's Dallas.
Announcer · Paul: Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for Miss Jinah Baloney! [Paul is revealed performing as a Jenna drag impersonator]
Paul (as Jenna): * My muffin top is all that / Whole grain, low fat / I know you want a piece of that / But I just want to dance *
Jenna Maroney · Liz Lemon: I'm Jenna. Naturally. / Jenna's boyfriend is a Jenna Maroney impersonator.
Liz Lemon: I'm gonna need five more cranberry juices over here!
Jack Donaghy · Liz Lemon: Lemon, what is with this food layout? Kenneth says he needs some sumac bark and shrub yellow root to make a poultice for Argus. / How is your thing weirder than mine?
Jack Donaghy · Liz Lemon: I did grieve for Don. As soon as Jack Welch told me, I went through all five stages of grief. / Don is dead. / What? You didn't do anything. / Let me retell it-- in slow motion. Don is dead. [slow-motion emotional performance]
Jack Donaghy: What if he rolls over on his back and his cloaca fills with mucous?
Liz Lemon: Well, not New York thin, but--
Kenneth Parcell: Sorry -- Mrs. Argus.
Beth: Oh, no, I'm white. I can't read that word. / 'Friend from the neighborhood. Grizz.'
Beth Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Jenna Maroney: Well, I lost a toe ring in him, so I'd say a lot.
Jenna Maroney: Your judgmental badger face.
Kenneth Parcell: Looks like one of us is in trouble. [Kenneth looks at camera/aside — reaction beat as he overhears Jack talking to the peacock]
Kenneth Parcell: It's just I've never in all my life heard a peacock say 'sempai and kohai.'
Kenneth Parcell: Sir, I think there's a lot about this world that we don't understand. Like the afterlife. Or how bread turns into toast.
Liz Lemon · Pete Hornberger: Hello. / Badger. / It's another badger. / The third badger has taken the bait. / Why is everyone code named badger? / I thought you said you wanted to do it this way. / No, I said I didn't care.
Paul · Liz Lemon: Jenna told me I didn't need to hide from you anymore. / All right, let's cut to the chase. What's your game, friend?
Paul: I am the luckiest 'shman' in the world.
Paul Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Paul: I'd never tuck my penis again if she asked me.
Paul Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Paul: All I want to do is spend my days listening to her talk and sing and scream at her cleaning lady on the phone.
Paul Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Liz Lemon: She finally gets to love herself.
Liz Lemon Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Liz Lemon: Ew, Jenna, why are you grabbing his boobs?
Jack Donaghy: I don't know, Argus. Maybe it's the scotch talking, but I think... there might be a man's soul inside you.
Jack Donaghy · Argus (the peacock): You want a drink. [The peacock appears to nod/react in response to Jack asking for a sign from Don]
Beth · Grizz: And I can do that because of our... sexual past. / Damn, Beth, let it go.
Beth: Your wedding day is about you and your bride. So who cares what anyone thinks? Love isn't judgmental. Love is patient. Love is... weird. And sometimes gross.
Beth Irony/Sarcasm Deadpan/Understatement Beth: So now I am Grizz and Feyonce's Woman of Honor. And he wants me to give the same speech at the Hunts Point Marriott while wearing a dashiki. So you're-- In three weddings in the same day, yeah. You're welcome.
Beth Escalation Character Comedy Tracy Jordan: This is awesome! [Someone, likely Tracy, reacts enthusiastically to 'All By Myself' playing in the background]
