Khonani

Hey! Did you know that everybody here went out last night without us? Oh, nerds!

Nerds?

Well, I yelled 'baba booey' at Walter Cronkite's funeral, so I actually have no idea of what's rude or not.

Could you take care of Angie like a husband until this whole ass-ache blows over?

I haven't seen your brow that furrowed since you saw that picture of Helen Mirren in a bikini. How is it possible? Is she a wizard?

Oh, Nan... Na. What? I was saying, 'oh, Nana.' Have I not told you about my grandmother fetish?

Avery actually tried to get on board. Later that night, she put some mothballs behind her ears and fed me peppermints.

I've had to make some tough calls over the years, switching Sheinhardt's wig production to 100% Chinese cadaver hair, turning down Dick Cheney's offer to become king of Iraq

[NBC chime plays] it's fresh.

Although, sometimes when you try so hard to find love, you can't see that it's been standing in front of you the whole time. Oh, good God.

No! I don't care if you're safe! I love you!

Oh, I dropped my glass! [crash]

Is that supposed to be a broom? Anchor the handle.

To be honest, I couldn't really understand anything Rick James was saying.

And once I'm there, I'll determine how much to charge you.

Oh, God, it looks like the underside of an octopus!

Hey, Liz, can I talk to you and Jenna in... The office where everyone clips their toenails? Not cool, guys.

Well, it was off for a while, because my fiancé was on his dad's yacht and got captured by pirates, but now, thanks to the A-Team, he's back.

The bridesmaids are you guys, Andy Roddick's wife, my Dutch cousins, and Penelope Cruz's hotter sister Monica.

You're gonna be so out of place, Liz.

Now that Aris is finally getting over his Stockholm syndrome.

You guys may have to walk down the aisle with some pirates.

I'm doing a juice fast, and it's making me really grouchy. Aah!

[rapping] * and they're ain't no party * like a Liz Lemon party * 'cause a Liz Lemon party is mandatory *

I apologize for letting a Kashmiri into your office.

Every April 22nd, I honor Richard Nixon's death by getting drunk and making some unpopular decisions.

Ever since I am a little boy, I am dreaming of hosing the tonight shift.

[NBC chime plays] the biggest loser network.

No, I am not. I am 'innoventing.' A word that I just innovented.

I trained him to hate white people, because, not to profile, but most ghosts are white.

He gets shocked if he tries to leave the property, just because he'd run away and cause car accidents and impregnate neighbors' horses.

No, we're not supposed to do any sex stuff while she's on bed rest. Oh! Like a real one! I'm on it!

Nope! I'm in a strip club! My bad!

Oh, you mean frozen water? I don't know.

And that Black Eyed Peas song they wrote for bar mitzvahs.

No, it's not that. We're dating.

Honestly, these immigrants have a tough life, no health care, and I kind of just thought he'd die before it became a thing.

He collects classic car... [coughing] Cardboard. Classic cardboard.

I'm like a chameleon, always a lizard!

First of all, the secret service never gave me back my t-shirt cannon

People don't say that anymore. They say 'surf party, usa.'

But parties are like frisbees. If you throw them the wrong way, they'll veer off in a bad direction, and then your kid will fall into a quarry.

It will turn on you, like your wife after your kid has fallen into a quarry.

It will turn on you, like your wife after your kid has fallen into a quarry.

But my body's gonna take me to Liz Lemon's.

Put the electric dog collar on me. It would be my honor.

No, I am not. I am 'innoventing.' A word that I just innovented.

[NBC chime plays] It's fresh.

That's how my kids keep me out of the liquor cabinet.

Unfortunately, there's only one Tracy Jordan, but sometimes he's needed in two places.

Wait. I don't walk that well.

There's no trash, Jack. Ever since you moved Subhas to 10:00, he takes all the trash. No trash left for Khonani.

And with Nancy and Avery, I'm the trash shift.

I have a job for me at fox... [coughing] Woods. Foxwoods casino. My cousin is head janitor there.

I suggest you cut off a finger and throw it in the river.

This looks like the post-coital suite at the NBA All-Star game.

Juice fast delirium, Liz.

I deserve to be loved! [...] I am a proud, single woman!

You think when I was a kid, I dreamed of someday paying $1,200 for a karaoke machine to impress a bunch of pasty losers? And a professional singer, who's beautiful, but doesn't know it.

[whimpering] I had nowhere else to go! [dog barking] Dog! Dog attack! [screaming]

Maybe this doesn't work on people. Aah! Aah! Oh, my neck! My swan-like neck!

I'm free. I can go anywhere I want... Like Liz's party or one of those places where you skydive over a huge fan.

That's just a cardboard cutout of her.

Yes, that's exactly why we like you. We love you. You solve our problems. That's what you're good at.

Yeah. You know who's fun at parties? Paris Hilton, Andy Dick, Tracy, and they're all gonna burn in hell.

You know who's fun at parties? Paris Hilton, Andy Dick, Tracy, and they're all gonna burn in hell.

If you deliver me from this, I promise every Sunday for the rest of my life, I'll go to... Huh? I'm through it. Pizza Hut. I'll go to Pizza Hut.

You want mommy to make the monsters go away.

No! You're not book! Wanting to be book is not book.

Top gun high-five for courage? Only because you look like you need it so badly.