My Whole Life Is Thunder

To what? - To Criss, Frank.

What the H-E-double-vibrator is that thing on your left hand?

How could you do this to me? - Flurb?

I guess I ate all that asparagus for nothing.

Reverend Gimp

Timberbiel, Beyon-Z, Anne Hatha-nobody

I was on a list to date Tom Cruise, but I bailed before I got sucked in too deep, praise Xenu!

It's inspiring to see that a woman in her 30s can still find true love. - I'm 42, Cerie. - I don't know what that is.

80 Under 80, honoring women in entertainment who aren't Betty White

oh, dot com, backslash garbagefile

Doo-ba-doo-ba-dow! Ba-doo-pomp-boo-pomp-boo-ba-da!

She insists on traveling on Pearl Harbor Day to 'Show the Emperor we're not afraid.'

That's only 14 in demon years, Lemon.

I got the idea from watching your President Obama the last four years.

Notice the ring is shriller.

Well, she's wearing it pulled back, but it's not working. Exactly, because of her ears.

Because despite cell phones, iPads, and computers, it's still the most effective portal for poltergeists?

Someone's looking lovely today! What a burn! I could have meant someone else. Although I didn't. She's radiant.

My whole life is thunder!

Next you'll tell me Mickey Rourke catapulted you into the Hollywood sign!

Chuck Scarborough is anatomically a woman? So I am a lesbian.

What brings a mummer to Lightsman's Row?

Oh, Liz, you had me at 'Hayden Panettiere is dead'!

I'm a nymphomaniac virgin widow, and I just completed my year of mourning.

I see her spot in front of my left eye. If this turns out to be a stroke, you're in charge of plucking my chin.

I have a few things I want to say to you before I meet the Grim Reaper, who is black, I assume, what, with the hoodies he wears.

I didn't trust that scout master. He was always wearing shorts.

If only 'Dragnet' hadn't been preempted because of Sputnik, you never would have been conceived!

You left crumbs on the floor so that the mice spelled 'Come see me'?

Florence Henderson! - Mrs. Brady! - Uh-uh. I told the black guy here none of that Brady stuff.

Are you the perverts who want to go to town on each other while I make a pie?

I can't shake hands because I have carpal tunnel syndrome from zipping up my own dress now that Gary's gone.

Because Gary was the navigator.

Why does the other Liz Lemon always come up first?

Why does the other Liz Lemon always come up first?

I just went, but I guess I can go again!

You know what my best friend did for my 50th birthday? She gives everybody a car. And then she was all, 'Thank you for coming to Gayle's birthday!'

My bangs, they're not about you. It's about me trying to cover my forehead.

We're talking about Oprah, right? - No, of course not. She can hear us!

For grave robbers.

I went down to a pack a day for you!

I was watching TV, and they started interviewing an Asian Santa Claus, and my arm went numb!

My father did not kill dozens of Germans so that his daughter could die in a van!

The horse is one of only three appropriate subjects for a painting, along with ships with sails and men holding up swords while staring off into the distance.

I'm going out of this world exactly the way I came into it. Wearing a hat!

Are you the same guy as before, or does that sun-bleached turd have a twin brother?

Apex Technical School puts students first. And the perfect time to enroll is now.

Just like Gary and that bitch who was selling us our dream house.

Without me, you'd still be behind that light board in Chicago turning bags of Sour Patch Kids inside out to lick them clean! - I got my money's worth!

I got my money's worth!

Well, joke's on you because that wasn't a commercial. I don't know what it was!

Thank you. Visit my website for extras and ringtones.

Well, this stage is now lit like a grocery store milk aisle!

Also, you need to tell your Aunt Mary, when she was two, there was an accident with a hot corn.

I breastfed you for nine years!

It's all right! The lack of oxygen is making me orgasm!

You would know, Judy!

I put his sweater on a body pillow... I took it for a canoe ride!

Colleen had a 'fart attack'?

My grandmother said, 'Liz, stop playing with the flesh around my elbow.'

Colleen wanted to be buried before the rest of the family found out and sold her body to a haunted house.

One more chance to disappoint her as she looks up at me from her throne in Hell.

The pill that lets me feel emotion is gonna wear off soon.

The pill that lets me feel emotion is gonna wear off soon.

They have reinforced crotches.

you're married to a guy that I think about during sex.

Pill wearing off. You have mom arms.

Pill wearing off. You have mom arms.

Where else but real life would a millionaire movie star care so much about a hillbilly janitor that he would spend two days trying to cheer him up?

You weren't supposed to have any lines, Quon Lee. Now I have to pay you!

I realized that her constant, crushing disapproval was a gift. The greatest gift a mother ever gave a son.

The man who in 1984 wore a tuxedo so well, he broke up the Go-Go's.

And the plumber says, 'I don't-a know, but that's a pretty big-a pizza!'

I promise to always pour antibiotics all over your penis before you staple it to anything.

I am so honored to be taking your first and last name.

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting Mrs. and Mr. Jenna Maroneys!