Winter Madness

You can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless.

Oh, is that where the word 'sad' comes from?

I've been stuck inside playing online boggle. It's messing with my head. Star, rats, arts, tars.

How is female Larry Bird holding hands with a guy? What am I doing wrong?

I'm telling Nancy that I'm with female Kevin McHale.

I have elaborate fantasies of her husband dying in a boat explosion.

Stop. Pots. Tops. Opts. Post.

Lutz, do the right thing. / It's Lutz's turn to pick where we eat today. / Oh, boy. Lutz, don't do this.

Subway. / I hope you die!

Maybe some people won't be coming back next year.

Jonathan, why do I have an Indian assistant if my computer is always... Jack. I'm messing with you.

I'm tired of waking up to a porch full of dead squirrels.

I'm messing with you... Oh, very funny, Donna

He was pretty bad. Nutmeg. Rodeo, rodeo, rodeo.

I can rent a convertible, You can complain about the heat with elderly people.

Cross promotional, Deal mechanics, Revenue streams, Jargon, Synergy.

That's the best presentation I've ever seen.

But I... I bought a parrot shirt.

It is a city with an NBA team. And even though Will Smith never wrote any raps about it, the poet Robert Lowell lived there.

Well, not in Boston, but nearby. No, not tufts... Shut up. / Harvard.

Also, there is no Spectravision or Internet in the hotel, So plan ahead, gentlemen, porn-wise.

You think I like sharing a room with Toofer? Dude is still playing that Obama song.

Maybe because one of us still hasn't read the other's screenplay. / I read it. I just didn't like it.

Usually designers just make clothes for me, But when I do buy stuff, I'm a child's medium.

These are Jamie Foxx for assfarm.

I was making my thing up. You bitch! / What did you tell her, you vondruke?

Thank you, thank you. It's great to be here, Cleveland. / You suck. / I suck? The rock and roll hall of fame sucks!

What did you tell her, you vondruke?

These gentlemen are the writers for Bruins Beat, Whose offices we'll be sharing. They are all named Sean. They are mean, and I hate it here.

Seven items are different. See if you can spot which ones.

Oh, that'll really disappoint your key demographic of drunken 11-year-olds.

What keeps people polite on airplanes? A shared hatred of the CBS sitcoms They're forced to watch.

I find that news anchors and breasts are always smaller than they look on TV.

Tonight's top story, A Worcester man accused of trading his foster son for gasoline. And later in the hour, Ten tips on how to make your cat's birthday go purr-fectly.

Apparently Brad Pitt and Sharon Stone did a crap job rebuilding those Katrina homes, and Mark thinks he can make a fortune down there.

neither one of us know what to do about the dog, 'cause we both hate it.

Yeah, we talked to Dr. Phil, and then we made a collage in our dream journals.

They just run off to New Orleans And jump on that B.S. Saints bandwagon. Go pats.

I do if you can resuscitate an electrocuted person.

Can you wire the doorbell to the dog?

You lying, white devil! The only people you set free were rich, white dudes like yourself!

For a dude that has the most hilarious last name I ever heard, you blow.

We didn't land on Plymouth Rock. Plymouth Rock landed on Mars!

Because it's my birthday. And thanks for remembering. I'm 45. It's kind of a big deal.

Who orders food from a gas station? / The Shell by me has good hot dogs.

Dale Snitterman.

Snitterman is the one Who cancelled taco night in the commissary. Snitterman is the one who okayed that cast photo where your hair looks green.

That vondruke!

The Salem witch trials, the red scare, global warming.

Silas Marymount-Peppercorn

The creative process was that I saw that name, forgot that I saw it, and said it later.

Then patriots are overrated. / Hey! What'd you say about the patriots? / I said they suck!

I am Silas Marymount-Peppercorn, And this is my first wife... Moronica.

My wife and I have disparate levels of attractiveness, because I am a successful inventor.

You little bitch. Look at you. You're just a suit. You're nobody!

Truffle shuffle! Truffle shuffle!

Your neighbors named their daughter Belichick!

let's get divorced. you marry the butler, And I'll be a gay octomom.

Really? So five years after Crispus Attucks was killed in the Boston massacre? / Run, Crispus. He... he's on to us!