Jack-Tor

Tracy:Rehearsal? We did a show last week. I just came to pick up a paycheck.

Tracy:Next Friday is Damon Dash's birthday party. And the Friday after that there's an orgy over at Elizabeth Hasselbeck's.

Tracy:I'm an improviser. My acting style is like jazz. Jazz that you laugh at.

Jenna:It's a dance-pop techno hybrid called Muffin Top. I gave everybody copies at Christmas?

Pete:Oh...no.

Jenna:Well, apparently it's a number-one hit in Israel.

Jenna:You should know that Muffin Top is also number four in Belgium.

Jack:And I'm here to talk to you today about a wonderful new synergy. It's called 'product integration.'

Jack:positive mentions-- or PosMens--of GE products

Jack:For example, you could write an episode where one of your characters purchases-- and is satisfied with... one of GE's direct-current drilling motors for an offshore or land-based project.

Liz:I'm sorry. You're saying you want us to use the show to sell stuff?

Writers · Liz:Wow. This is diet Snapple? I know, it tastes just like regular Snapple, doesn't it? You should try Plum-A-Granate. It's amazing. I only date guys who drink Snapple.

Jack:Get real, kids. You write skits mocking our presidents to fill time between car commercials.

Liz:Josh gets a lot of fan mail for Gaybraham Lincoln.

Writer:Did you guys know that Holland is the only country with a national dog?

Jenna:I'm starting to think... he can't read!

Tracy:Hi. I'm Tracy Jordan. I'm black, NBC! Very proud, like peacocks, right, Janet?

Liz:It says, 'Emergency exit only'. He couldn't read that?

Frank:What's really sad is that while she's in this fragile state, none of her friends are messing with her head.

Frank:My friend in accounting, Lando Calrissian, he says Jack's probably gonna have to fire an actor.

Frank · Toofer:It's like shooting fish in a barrel. Yeah, if the fish have daddy issues.

Tracy:Let's go rescue Karen or whatever. Is there a Cheryl? Then she could tell us where drugs are-- I mean gold-- Then we got the car chase. I'm getting way too old for this!

Liz:We spend all this money in Iraq, but meanwhile, our inner-city graduation rates are lower than they are in the Sudan.

Liz:That doesn't sound right. Maybe it was Sweden. Maybe it was teen pregnancy.

Liz:I gotta read more.

Jack:Hippy humor. That's what I'm going for.

Jack:I'm watching Friends right now. What happens with Ross and Rachel? No, no. Don't tell me. Seriously. What were you saying?

Jack:You're such a Monica! Ah ha! You are.

Jenna:Uh, when has it not worked? It'll be a 45-minute wait. Oh, will it?

Liz:Yeah, so now you just have to make yourself ten years younger and Asian.

Liz:Can I read? Please don't get angry. It's not your fault. It's the system. Did you ever see Hoop Dreams? It's like that.

Tracy:I can't read, Liz Lemon! My shameful secret is out. Now you know why I'm always running into the ladies' bathroom.

Tracy:I sign my name with an X! I once tried to make mashed potatoes with laundry detergent!

Tracy:I think I voted for Nader! Nader!

Tracy:All thanks to one very, very special white lady.

Liz:Damn, George Will just gets more and more conservative.

Jack:Jack in the GE promo video failing repeatedly

Jack:Is it this? Or, if I may, this?

Jack:It's called, 'racial integration'-- No, that's not right, is it? It's called, 'product intergort'-- 'intergortian'?

Jack:Ha! That was fun, you guys. Didn't feel like five days, did it?

Jack:I've summited Kilimanjaro. I've showered with Greta Van Susteren.

Liz:...correlate overseas earnings report dynamics?

Jack · Ron:Actions speak louder than words. Take care of it. Don't worry, I'll have it on your desk first thing in the morning. Look, I am tired of your promises! I want this thing fixed.

Ron:I take it? Uh... I--I take it, uh, with the non-dairy creamer. Mmm. Yeah. Non-dairy creamer. Yum.

Jack:Those cards are a little confusing.

Jack · Liz:I think I can do it. No. You should definitely do it. It'll be hilarious. Oh, well, that'd be a refreshing change of pace for the show, wouldn't it?

Liz · Pete:To get out of coming to work. Oh, so first you thought he was illiterate, and now you think he's lazy? Jeez, you are racist.

Liz:No. Tracy took advantage of my white guilt, which is to be used only for good, like over-tipping and supporting Barack Obama.

Tracy:You hear this mess about sometimes Y being a vowel? What a world.

Jack:I bow-hunt polar bear. I once drove a rental car into the Hudson just to practice escaping.

Jack:Ten years ago, I was an inch-and-a-half shorter than I am today. Sheer willpower.

Liz:Josh can do this, and earlier today, he ate a club sandwich with the toothpicks still in it. Jenna can do this, and she was once engaged to David Blaine.

Jack:If you were any other woman on earth... I would be turned on right now.

Liz · Jenna:That guy's an extra on the show. No. He said he was Jack's boss. No. In the sketch. He doesn't even have a line.

Ron:What is the point of belonging to the Extras Guild if I cannot get health coverage for my foot, hmm?

Liz:Do you have any left?

Tracy · Liz:Where the hot lesbians at, Lemon? I knew it! You can read!

Tracy:I even have a column in Ebony called Musings!

Tracy · Liz:That's the subtle racism of lowered expectations. Bing Crosby said that. No, Bill Cosby said that. That's racist.

Tracy · Liz:I once shot a whole movie without ever getting out of my car? Yeah, I paid to see that. That was supposed to be a western.

Tracy · Liz:When Gaybraham Lincoln gets hit in the crotch, can I go cross-eyed? Oh, yes, do that. That's hilarious!

Jenna:Which of these is less offensive? Ahh! Ahh! Ahhh! Or... Ooh-hunh! Unh-hunh! Ohhh!

Jack:Lemon, these pages are blank.

Toofer:You figured out Frank and I lied to you, so to get even, you're trying to get me naked on the roof and leave me there.

Jack:No, you're all fired.

Jack:Don't be cute, Lemon. You're too old for that.

Pete · Liz:Does she know we went off the air two minutes ago? No, she does not. Smart move.