Retreat To Move Forward

Jack · Liz:Jack asks Liz which photo she prefers; she picks one and asks what it's for — it turns out to be for a corporate keynote address, making her 'wacky' aesthetic choice immediately deflating.

Liz · Jenna:Liz performs the improv scene: audience suggestion is 'Sling Blade and Oprah on a date.' Liz as Sling Blade says 'I sure do like them French-fried pataters.'

Jenna:Jenna, playing Oprah, responds to Sling Blade's line: 'No, you don't, Oprah.' — which is the wrong character.

Liz:'Jenna is not a great improviser.'

Jack:Jack says he's 'apprehensive' about the retreat because he hasn't seen these people 'since the C.E.O. debacle and my time in the Bush Administration.'

Liz:Liz diagnoses Jack's anxiety as 'camp jitters' — you haven't seen your 'little business camp friends' in a year and you're afraid they'll think you got weird.

Liz:Liz agrees to go to the retreat, but only if there's a spa — specifically, a spa where you're allowed to eat in the sauna, 'because at some places, they get mad.'

Frank · Jenna:A writer asks if Jenna's movie is 'one where you swap brains with your granddaughter.'

Jenna:Jenna says depending on how 'some legal matters pan out,' her character may be named 'Janet Jopler' or 'Janie Jimplin.'

Jenna:Jenna says she'll employ the 'Method method of acting' and will only respond to 'Janis' or 'Miss Joplin.' Then adds: 'If you're nasty.'

Writers · Jenna:Writers' rapid-fire insults at Jenna before she becomes Janis: 'Your hands are weird.' 'I don't think you went to high school.' 'I'm not busy Friday.' 'I just said I was.'

Frank · Jenna:Frank suggests Jenna do her Janis Joplin research on Wikipedia, noting 'It's online, so anyone can update it' — because people are 'finding out new things about Janis Joplin every day.'

Jenna:Jenna reads from the Wikipedia page she's been pranked with: 'Did you know that Janis Joplin speed-walked everywhere and was afraid of toilets?'

Pete:'I have heard that, yes.' — Pete confirming Jenna's false Wikipedia facts about Janis Joplin speed-walking and being afraid of toilets.

Tracy · Dr. Spaceman:Tracy reads his diabetes diagnosis off the chart, sounding it out as 'Dee-ay-butt-ees' before Dr. Spaceman corrects him.

Tracy · Dr. Spaceman:Tracy asks how bad diabetes really is; Dr. Spaceman says he could lose a foot. Tracy asks: 'Could I replace it with a wheel like Rosie from The Jetsons?'

Dr. Spaceman:Dr. Spaceman says Tracy could replace his foot with a wheel, but then he'd 'have to register as a motor vehicle.'

Jack:Jack's mirror psych-up speech: 'Well, buddy, here we go. Bases loaded, bottom of the ninth. Are you going to step up? Oh, yeah. Because it's winning time, you magnificent son of a bitch!'

Jack:The psych-up speech incorporates advertising slogans: 'Just do it. Is it in you? I'm loving it!' — mashing Nike, Gatorade, and McDonald's together.

Liz · Jack:Liz catches Jack psyching himself up in the mirror. She admits she does the same thing before parties where she doesn't know a lot of people — 'Stop sweating, you idiot. What is wrong with you, you stupid bitch?'

Jack:Jack introduces the Six Sigma pillars: teamwork, insight, brutality, male enhancement, 'handshake-ful-ness,' and play hard.

Jack:Jack greets the assembled executives: 'Men? If I'd known your wives were alone I would have stayed in New York.'

Executive · Jack · Liz:Corporate nonsense speak: 'The Finulus data suggest we should be leveraging disintermediation paradigms.' / 'The Finular analysis will concur with any synergized mindshare classifications.' / 'Bladorian frankles.'

Liz · Prashant · Joan:Liz tries to explain she's not part of the corporate structure. The M-7s keep offering her corporate letter designations: 'G'? 'H'? 'J'? She insists she's no letter.

Tracy · Kenneth:Tracy is wearing a practice wheel on his foot in preparation for losing it to diabetes.

Tracy:Tracy says there's 'no link between diabetes and diet' — calling it 'a white myth, Ken, like Larry Bird or Colorado.'

Writer · Kenneth:A writer says his dad had diabetes and 'ate whatever he wanted until he died on the day I was born.' Kenneth points out the obvious logical connection; the writer doesn't see it.

Writer:Conspiracy theory: after the Civil War, the U.S. government spread false information about diabetes to keep newly-freed slaves 'sluggish and docile.' 'And I heard that from Yusef Jackson.'

Toofer:Toofer's contribution: 'most African Americans don't understand that diabetes is caused by sleeping on your back.'

Tracy:Tracy closes the diabetes debate: 'Next, you'll be telling me that leasing a sports car is a bad investment.'

Jenna:Jenna (as 'Janis') enters the writers' room in full Joplin garb, asking for cherry juice, buttermilk and tequila to make her signature cocktail, 'The Frankschlong.'

Pete · Jenna:Pete addresses Jenna as 'Miss Jimplin' — casually accepting her Method persona

Jack:The 'LUNCH' acronym reveal: Lego Utilization for Negating Crisis Hierarchies.

Jack · Liz:'CLASS' is another acronym: Consuming Lunch And Simple Socializing. 'Now, that just seems intentionally confusing.'

Tracy · Kenneth:Tracy arrives with what appears to be disgusting food — Kenneth looks disgusted: 'What's up with this disgusting stuff?'

Kenneth:Kenneth delivers a speech about seeing 'too many folks back home die of diabetes and Go-Kart accidents to sit idly by.'

Kenneth:Kenneth's 'Hill Witch' myth — a 1,000-year-old shriveled crone who takes away boys who don't eat their vegetables, turns them to stone, and 'gorges on your living brain.'

Tracy:Tracy's genuine puzzlement: 'Through the stone?' — asking how the Hill Witch eats your brain after turning you to stone.

Kenneth:Kenneth reveals the 'omens of the Hill Witch's coming': crops will fail, animals will run wild, and 'my page desk will be turned sideways.'

Kenneth:Kenneth's page desk is turned sideways. He gasps: 'Ooh...'

Frank · Pete · Jenna:Frank tells Pete: 'Your Wikipedia prank is inspired.' But then we see Jenna preparing to eat a cat.

Jenna:Jenna, in Method mode, prepares to eat a cat: 'I'm gonna do it. I'm going to eat this cat.'

Jenna · Frank:Frank confesses he put fake stuff on Wikipedia. Jenna's outrage: 'This is my chance to win an Oscar. The Academy loves dead singers and the handicapped, and Janis was both!'

Frank:'No, she wasn't. Her legs bent the right way.' — correcting Jenna's claim that Janis Joplin was handicapped.

Jenna:'What? I speed-walked home on these!' — Jenna, realizing she speed-walked home based on false Wikipedia information.

Frank:Frank admits he's 'turned on' by Jenna's tequila-fueled Joplin meltdown. 'I've got a thing for damaged goods.'

Frank:Frank tells Jenna her raw emotional performance will win an Oscar: 'If you can get this raw in the movie, you are going to win the Oscar.'

Jack · Liz:The LUNCH Lego exercise: Jack barking instructions — 'Don't stop talking! Hands in pockets, Joan! Prashant, your job is to watch Joan!' / 'Say something, Haircut!' / 'Uh-doy-ee! It goes on top! It's a smoke stack!'

Six Sigma Executive · Jack:After Liz shouts 'Uh-doy-ee!' and they win, the Six Sigma executive says: 'What happened to you, Donaghy? That woman is a subordinate of yours. Her behavior is totally inappropriate — the familiarity, nickname-ification.'

Liz:Liz drops a Lego piece and explains 'Sorry, I dropped it when I was pretending it was my penis. Robot penis.'

Jenna:Jenna: 'No, last night was the best thing that's ever happened to you. It was my mistake, not yours. I'm the one who had to take the Silkwood shower this morning.'

Jenna:Jenna attempts to speak Yoda syntax: 'You... the one who cool should be!'

Jack:Jack comes to Liz's hotel room to check if it's bigger than his — outraged she has a sitting area: 'Aw, you have a sitting area? You jag!'

Liz:Liz's wounded response: Jack made her feel like a camp buddy who got dumped at the lake with the fat kids to make bracelets.

Jack:Jack tells Liz her reaction is 'the second half of a Judy Blume novel.'

Liz:Liz declares 'Friendship over!' and storms out.

Jack:Jack: 'I give you a simple managerial suggestion in a professional context and I get back the second half of a Judy Blume novel'

Jack:Jack looks at departing Liz and mutters: 'Like a waitress.'

Liz:Liz storms out past a waitress/attendant and mutters 'Like a waitress' — apparently comparing herself to a service worker being dismissed

Tracy:Tracy announces he has 'so much energy my hand keeps dancing!' — his hand is moving erratically, an uncontrolled tremor he's interpreting as dancing.

Tracy:Tracy spots the omens of the Hill Witch: 'Oh, no! The signs! My desk is sideways! The Hill Witch approaches.'

Kenneth · Tracy:Kenneth gasps at his sideways desk (the Hill Witch omen) appearing — 'The Hill Witch approaches!' — cutting to Kenneth having staged the entire thing.

Frank:Frank is excitedly talking about finding the 'secret skate park in Grand Theft Auto 4' the morning after sleeping with Jenna.

Jenna:Jenna publicly announces in the writers' room that she and Frank hooked up — 'I slutted it up on this dirt bag' — and declares it 'a victory for hot women everywhere.'

Jenna:Jenna: 'This is a victory for hot women everywhere' — after admitting hooking up with Frank was 'disgusting'

Joan:Prashant and Joan have apparently hooked up: 'What happens in Croton-on-Hudson stays in Croton-on-Hudson'

Jack · Audio Tech:The audio technician, on his first day, asks Jack if he can put a microphone on him — Jack confidently says yes. Neither realizes the mic is now hot in the ballroom.

Liz · Prashant:Liz has befriended Prashant and Joan — suggesting 'we should start calling ourselves The Three Musketeers!' Prashant deadpans: 'Not.'

Jenna:'Now Dog the Bounty Hunter is the second-grossest guy I've been with.'

Katie · Euzebia · Jenna · Frank:A second writer reveals she's been secretly dating Frank, attacking Jenna: 'You stay away from my Frank!' followed by multiple other women appearing with the same claim.

Kenneth · Tracy:Kenneth appears in a Hill Witch costume to terrify Tracy into eating vegetables: full crone makeup, shrieking 'Eat your vegetables!'

Jack:Jack's psych-up speech broadcasts through the microphone to the entire conference ballroom — 'Bottom of the ninth, bases loaded... you magnificent son of a bitch!'

Jack:Jack's private psych-up speech plays over the entire ballroom PA system — beginning: 'Bottom of the ninth... bases loaded... you magnificent son of a bitch!'

Jack's Colleague · Liz:Donaghy's colleagues react in horror in the ballroom as the speech plays. 'Just don't say your name, Jack. Please don't say your name.'

Random Person:A random person wanders into the ballroom during the hot-mic disaster and asks: 'Excuse me, where is the bathroom?'

Liz:Liz takes the stage and claims she was doing a 'Jack Donaghy impression where I say crazy things that he would never say.' 'So let's maximize our fun quadrant tonight!'

Liz · Crowd:Liz asks the crowd to shout out impressions. They ask for Jack Donaghy. 'No! What else?'

Liz · Audience:Audience shouts: 'Do Jack Donaghy again!' Liz: 'No! What else?'

Liz:Liz does a Sling Blade impression — 'I believe I heard Sling Blade. Mmm, I love them French-fried pataters.' The crowd starts booing and telling her to get off.

Liz:Liz performs 'Sling Blade' when a voice calls for it: 'Mmm, I love them French-fried pataters.' — then gets booed: 'Get off!'

Liz:Liz pivots to Mrs. Cunningham from Happy Days: 'Oh, Howard. Oh, Arthur.' The crowd is silent/negative.

Liz · Dave:Liz asks 'Dave' what the craziest thing that happened this weekend was. Dave says 'Hearing Jack Donaghy talk on that microphone.' Liz: 'Well... not anymore, 'cause check this out.' — then plays 'Everybody Dance Now.'

Jack · Liz:Jack tells Liz her intervention 'actually worked' — many people emailed asking if they were there 'when the bra lady went crazy.'

Jack:Jack thanks Liz and then says: 'And I think it goes without saying that you are banned from any future retreats.'

Jack:Jack: 'A lot of people from the conference e-mailed me to ask if I was there when the bra lady went crazy. They completely forgot about me.'

Liz:Liz's final line: 'That's what friends do, Jack. Uh-doy-ee.' — using the phrase Jack specifically told her not to say to him at the retreat.