Mac and Dennis Break Up

Multiple characters chanting 'Dee' and 'Sweet Dee' repeatedly before she responds with confusion

Dennis:Congratulations, Dee. You've begun your transformation into crazy cat lady.

Dee:I just got a cat... 'cause I wanted something to hang out with. I don't have, you know, a roommate or anything, and I don't really have anyone to talk to

Dennis:If you listen to yourself, you would realize you're only strengthening our argument.

Mac:Mac and Dennis movie night! Whoosh! Tuesday night's movie night! We're doing Predator again.

Mac:It's more fun if we both come. I was gonna hold the bowl. Dennis was gonna stand next to me and make snide comments.

Dennis:Oh, you look like a bird. That's one. Uh... Old. Pick a new one.

Mac:what if one of us were to get into a jam?

Dennis:Be silly not to have the other one there.

Mac:Dennis, that sounds downright dangerous.

you'll never get out of a jam because you got no friends. Well, you're a spinster. A lonely spinster. With a cat.

Dee:It's funny 'cause I feel like you guys are two codependent losers... who are so wrapped up in each other... that it's hard for you to see how pathetic your lives are. It's like you're an old married couple.

Dennis:No, Dee. We're more like a dynamic duo.

Dee:When was the last time you went more than an hour without seeing each other?

Mac:All the time.

Dennis:Every day.

Dee:Okay. Without checking in?

Dennis:Ch... Checking. That's... Uh... huh.

Mac:He always checks in with me.

Mac:Yo, where you been?

Dennis:I was getting the movie.

Mac:Yeah, but you weren't answering any of my calls. I've been calling you... sort of over and over again.

Mac:Yeah, but I texted you 911, dude. That means it's an emergency.

Dennis:What was the emergency, Mac?

Mac:Well, I couldn't get in touch with you, dude.

Mac:I almost called the police.

Mac:Plus, Transporter 2? We haven't seen Transporter 1, which means we'll be completely lost.

Mac:Plus Jason Statham's physique... is nothing like the lineup in Predator.

Dennis:We've had that conversation five times a day for the last month... because we keep watching Predator, and all you talk about is Weathers... and Jesse 'the Body' Ventura and how many pounds they can pack on.

Mac:It's important to pack on mass. You're talking about carbo-loading.

Dennis:I have been thinking a lot about what Dee said, and I do think... maybe we are spending a little bit too much time together.

Dennis:I feel like I'm not... flourishing.

Dennis:Well, far be it from me to, uh, keep the flower of you from flourishing

Dennis:Don't do that. I... feel like I'm the one that got us into this mess.

Mac:Okay. So you'll stay at Charlie's then.

Dennis:No. You should stay there... because you already said that you would. Also, I have more stuff.

Police Officer:Hi. I'm responding to a missing persons report.

Dennis:Uh, can't do that. He is... in the wall somewhere.

Dee:He's in the wall?

Dennis:Or he won't, and he'll die in there, and you'll have a dead cat smell for a while. But listen, I'm gonna help you out of that jam... That's what it's like to have a sidekick. Helped you out of a jam.

Mac:Are you cutting your toenails with a steak knife?

Frank:I suppose you have a problem with that too?

Frank:Botched toe! I botched that one. Oh, that's a botch job. That's bleeding. I need some trash to plug up the cut.

Frank:Don't waste a good sock on a tiny little cut.

Frank:Oh, it's acting like a cut glove.

Mac:Are you hearing this shit, bro?

Charlie:Well, you know, he's got some good ideas. Maybe it wouldn't be bad if he moved in.

Charlie:Oh, Mac is being annoying as shit.

Dennis:Oh, Mac's being annoying? That's a big surprise.

Charlie:He bossing you around a whole bunch?

Dennis:Totally bossing me around.

Charlie:Yeah.

Dennis:Typical. It's what he does.

Dennis:Did he mention me?

Charlie:No.

Dennis:No? Really? He didn't say anything at all about me

Dennis:Tell him I'm not talking about him at all. I'm not telling him shit, dude.

Dennis:No, no, Charlie. Don't hang up the phone. I didn't call to talk about Mac. I swear to God, dude.

Dennis:I could care less about that guy. Are you kidding me?

Dennis:He is so annoying. He's always constantly critiquing the fight scenes... and talking about how he could choreograph the fight scenes... so much better than they could, which is ridiculous. He doesn't know shit.

Dennis:Dee, will you forget the goddamn cat for a second... and listen to all the interesting things I have to say? You're being the worst sidekick right now.

Dennis:He doesn't like for me to eat the apples with the skin on it. He says the skin's loaded with toxins.

Dennis:I do not like it with the skin, Dee! I'm not allowed to eat it with the skin! I'm not allowed!

Charlie:I bet it flattened itself out, went right through a seam in your wall.

Dennis:I don't think there's anything in the laws of nature that would support that.

Charlie:Cats do not abide by the laws of nature, all right?

Charlie:I'm gonna crack a little hole in your wall... Tiny one. It'll be cool. And then I'm gonna slip a second cat in with a string tied around it. Those two will become codependent, then I'll rip the second cat out, and the first one hopefully... hopefully will follow.

Mac:And I bumped into that guy at the video store. Beefcake? Total jerk-off.

Mac:The skin of those things is riddled with toxins! Yeah, get it out though. Get it all out. Yuck! That was a close call. Good save.

Mac:What... What are you doing now, dude? What?

Frank:I'm taking the toxic skin off.

Mac:Yeah, but you're cutting it with your toe knife.

Mac:So you think not eating cat food is putting on airs?

Frank:You betcha!

Mac:Just make sure you, you know, check in. 'Cause I haven't heard from Charlie, and it is getting late.

Dennis:Hey, guys! I swallowed apple seeds! ... Are they poisonous?

Mac:Are you kidding me, dude? They're extremely poisonous!

Dennis:Should I make myself throw up?

Dee:I would throw up now!

Mac:Hey, guys! I can't throw up. Should I stick a finger down my throat?

Dennis:Yes!

Mac:Oh, my God.

Frank:I got two cats stuck inside this wall. Can't get 'em out. You want to bring in a third? I'm thinking maybe four.

Frank:We work very well together, okay? We're the gruesome twosome!

Charlie:Gruesome twosome!

Mac:I was told I would be meeting a woman with giant breasts.

Dennis:I was also told that I was to meet a woman with giant breasts.

Mac:You son of a bitch!

Dennis:She looks like a bird.

Charlie:Smoke some cigarettes. The smoke will suffocate the bacteria in your stomach.

Mac:The way they live, bro, it's... it's like, um... it's like...

Dennis:Preposterous.

Mac:Yeah, dude! Preposterous! Yeah. I've been trying to come up with that all day!

Mac:Like, I'm a man of action, and you're a man that comes up with good... Words? Words, dude! You couldn't think of the word 'words.'

Mac:I also was assuming that the big-breasted lady was gonna pay for the drinks, so I don't have any money.

Dennis:I've got some cash. I can...I can get you out of this jam.

Charlie:I got one. I tied a string around his teeny, tiny little legs. I'm sending it in.

Dee:Well, congratulations, Dee. You have some very satisfied cats in there, okay?

Charlie:Yeah! Yeah, Deandra! Come on, kitty. Oh. Come on. Okay. I'll get you. I'll get you.

Dee:Wow! There are a lot of cats back here!

Charlie:Yeah. We put a lot of cats in there.

Mac:They're watching Predator. You want to join?

Dennis:Absolutely, dude.

Mac:Great.

Dee:Yeah? You guys, I think I'm stuck in the wall.

Dee:Guys? Guys? Guys, come on!