Corporate Crush

Frank:Your face... it's like you're happy or something.

Frank:'Cause of that dude you're donking.

Frank · Liz:Frank attempts to point out something on Liz's face — 'Right here? Other side. Here? Up a little. In that area? You got it.' — and the interaction has no payoff because the audience never learns what it was.

Writer · Pete:Oh, that movie was a complete waste of time. / I thought it was moving... my bowels.

Unknown Writer:Reverse, Reverse, Skip, Skip, Draw Four!

Frank:Frank offers to come over and videotape Liz and Floyd 'doing it or whatever' and says 'I can make room in my schedule.'

Don Geiss:I got a welt on my ass the size of a Red Delicious apple.

Don Geiss:'If you try, you win.' / 'And he was a hell of a garbageman.'

Don Geiss:But I'm taking the Microwave Division away from you.

Don Geiss:Well, look at Bob. His wife looks just like Walter Matthau, but she's always there for him.

Don Geiss · Jack:What's that film where he turned into a dog? / 'Fat Bitch,' sir. / That's it. I love it. / Boy, that's a great film.

Jack:Jack looks at himself in the mirror/reflective surface and says 'I'm sorry I let you down.'

Tracy · Don Geiss:I call it 'Jefferson.' / A movie version of 'The Jeffersons'? / I love it. / No, Thomas Jefferson.

Tracy:I just recently found out that he went to town on one of my ancestors, so we're related.

Tracy · Don Geiss:You want to play Thomas Jefferson? / And Sally Hemings and King George. I'm gonna play all the parts.

Tracy:Did you know he had a lisp? / What's up, stupid jerks? I'm Thomas Jefferson.

Tracy:So we gonna need about $35 million to do this thing right. I'm gonna get us one of those big clocks, and I'm gonna hang it in there.

Liz · Lutz:Aw, Lutz, that's okay. I'm just glad you're here. / Aw, you got a face like a baby's bottom. / Poop!

Writer:I hate when you're in a good mood. It makes me feel unsafe, like when my mom used to make daiquiris and sing Tanya Tucker songs.

Liz:That sounds awesome. [in response to mom making daiquiris and singing Tanya Tucker]

Jonathan:Jack goes to Sbarro when he's angry, the New York Stock Exchange when he's horny, and Christie's auction house when he's depressed.

Jack · Liz:You've been avoiding me, Lemon. / How do you do that without turning around?

Jack:To be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you, but... here we are.

Phoebe · Jack:Those were such lovely pieces. The ruby-and-diamond cluster ring was particularly exquisite. / Yeah, that was her engagement ring.

Jack:I took the money from the sale of those pieces, and I bought a sailboat. And I named it after my ex-wife, and I sank it.

Jack:It's true... the Bianca Blows is somewhere at the bottom of the Peconic Bay.

Jack:I wish I were a horse... strong, free... my chestnut haunches glistening in the sun.

Jack:I'm not a creative type like you with your work sneakers and your left-handedness.

Liz · Jack:His name is Floyd. / That's unfortunate.

Jack:I'd like to meet the man that made Liz Lemon shirk her responsibilities. Let's say Priscille, 9:00... be sure to wear a tie.

Kenneth · Tracy:Well, remember when Fat Bitch called all her dog friends together, and they used their high-pitched howling to mess... / You're right, K. I should make my own 'Jefferson' preview.

Unknown Writer:I'm never gonna finish this bikini before Nana's birthday.

Tracy:Liz Lemon, you are my Alexander Hamilton.

Liz · Floyd:Jack wrote a book? / 'Jack Attack: The Art of Aggression in Business.'

Liz · Floyd:Oh, no. / He got here before us. / You're not supposed to let that happen. / That's chapter two in the book.

Jack · Floyd Jr.:The only other 'Floyd' I ever knew was this Korean barber who used to cut my hair down in the 50th Street subway station. / That's my dad. I'm Floyd Jr. / I'm just kidding.

Floyd:And 'Attack of the Clones,' which was seriously the worst of the 'Star Wars.'

Floyd:In my mind, the Foo Fighters' song 'Best of You' is about your managerial skills.

Jack:Lemon, I want to kiss your boyfriend on the mouth.

Floyd:Chapter 12. [said immediately after Jack says he wants to kiss Floyd on the mouth]

Jack · Floyd · Pete:What are you drinking? / Club soda. / Oh, that's a shame. Pete.

Tracy:Hey, Liz Lemon. Could you go away for a while? I got to get rid of Freddie's erection.

Tracy:Freddie is playing the part of Thomas Jefferson's horse, Caractacus.

Phoebe:I don't shake hands. I have avian bone syndrome. / Hollow bones.

Liz:They look just like the one crapping in my office.

Liz:Don't give him a nickname before I do.

Tracy · Kenneth:Pray, who be this Tracy Jordan thou speakest of? / Uh, President Jefferson, we got a problem.

Tracy · Jenna/Writer:Pray, who be this Tracy Jordan thou speakest of? / President Jefferson, we got a problem. / Speakest.

Tracy · Kenneth:That horse ate your wig. / Well, stand guard by his rump and await it in his droppings. / Or we could probably just go get a new wig. / Aha, I like you, young man. You shall run my university.

Liz · Floyd · Jack:Yeah, yeah. No, it's very nice. / Jack bought me this painting. / Wow. / Um... is that lion eating the horse? / Or perhaps it's eating universal healthcare.

Floyd:It's kind of like you two are dating. [Liz reacts]

Liz:Um, I think that Coulter was right. [said by Liz immediately after Floyd says 'it's like you two are dating']

Liz:Oh, he took his kids to that Russian cat circus.

Writers:The extended writers' room dancing/rap video scene — writers in an empty office doing old school hip-hop moves, mentioning a humidifier, a used Kleenex, Kid 'n Play, Davy Jones.

Liz:'Cause this VapoRub isn't gonna get under my nose by itself.

Liz · Floyd · Jack:Floyd's phone texting exchange with Jack: Jack texts 'Good night' / 'And sleep tight' / 'And don't let the bed...' / 'All right, enough. Give me that.'

Floyd:Jack, I have taken a sleeping pill because I have a big lawyer meeting... / That's what we call them. / ...in the morning. Floyd.

Jack · Liz:'Lemon, is that you?' / 'I always sign it Floydster.'

Liz · Floyd:Oh, it's Jack. / Don't answer it. [lights off, get down]

Liz:The call is coming from inside the house. / All right, turn off the lights and get down.

Floyd · Liz:Jack arrives at the window / 'Oh, my God.' / 'Can he see us?' / 'The call is coming from inside the house.' / 'All right, turn off the lights and get down.'

Jonathan:He tried to drop them off at your house last night, but someone pretended not to be home.

Jonathan:And you, of course. [said as an afterthought]

Tracy:...inventor... / I shall call it 'Susan.'

Tracy:...Jungle Fever-Haver. / I am with child. What? / Will you free me and make me your wife? / Um, I'm gonna have to get back to you on that.

Voiceover:Source Award nominee Tracy Jordan... / NAACP Image Award presenter Tracy Jordan... / and Academy Award watcher Tracy Jordan is... Jefferson.

Tracy:This is for you, Don Geiss. [Tracy, in costume, breaking the fourth wall to dedicate the trailer]

Don Geiss:Well, Tracy... that was terrible. The answer is 'no.'

Jack:The champagne cork/cabin pressure story: 'I don't give a damn about the masks. I'm on all fours trying to shove the corks back in the bottles.'

Jack (quoting Don Geiss):And Don Geiss says, 'Now, there's an executive who knows how to keep his costs down.'

Jack:No. Lemon, you're the third wheel. / Men seek out the company of other men they admire and want to be like. Floyd is me 20 years ago. I'm Don Geiss 30 years ago.

Jack:20 years from now, Floyd will be me, I'm gonna be Don Geiss, and Don Geiss will be dead.

Jack:Not that I blame you, because I could take him away from you if I wanted to.

Jack · Liz:How about some kind of time-share arrangement? You can have him Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. / I don't want Friday. We have a show.

Jack:All right. How about some kind of a time-share arrangement? You can have him Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

Liz:Look at your life, Jack. It's like this skybox. It's fancy and it's empty and it smells like crab cakes.

Tracy:Then he offered me $7 million to reprise my role as Cocoa the Dog.

Tracy:ß I'm gonna get an iPhone ß / ß Everybody's gonna be jealous ß

Tracy · Kenneth:No, I turned him down. / It's like a roller-coaster ride of emotion in here.

Tracy:Your first order of business... Get that dead horse out of my car.

Jack:I'm having terrible Lemon problems. I'm eating all the time. I mean, who eats 16 flautas after midnight?

Phoebe · Jack:Listen, if you're still interested, there is another piece I'd like to show you... that you might enjoy. / I'll need to take you back to the private office. / This piece is very delicate. / Very few people have handled it. / Oh, God, I hope we're talking about the same thing.

Jack · Phoebe:Will you marry me? / No. / The ruby-diamond cluster. / I bought it back from the anonymous Arab.

Jack:The ruby-diamond cluster. I bought it back from the anonymous Arab.

Phoebe · Jack:How romantic. / Ow. // I'm sorry. / It's okay. // Ow. // Careful, my bones.