Larry King

Look at this guy, used to be a man once.

Lemon, you're a woman. Of course I am! That doctor was a quack, I don't even know why my parents listened to him.

Aww, ladies are such a bummer. Where is this going, how serious are we, why don't you listen to my story about my friend?

You mean, like, marriage? No, the one before that. Moving in together? That's huge! No, the thing you do before that. think 'you in the mid-nineties.' You haven't had sex?

We have, of course, pleasured one another- No, stop, I believe.

she keeps confusing me with this ridiculous notion that 'sex' and 'love' are somehow connected.

in 2009 I have done it two more times than you.

Give it up what, what. Whoo, do not leave a brother hanging.

I've cursed for three hours straight just to get it out of my system, you dumb bitch.

NGS Fridays at c-thirty on TB-10.

wearing the shirt of a man.

You bring 800 dollars, rich lady, or I throw the phone away.

Oh, yeah, I'll definitely do that, on Opposite Day. I'm new to this country, is that a real thing?

It's a caricature of me on a skateboard.

We're Jack and Elisa - Jalisa. That's really lame, Jack. Yeah, that was just a joke.

I don't wanna go all 'Marc Anthony' on you, but I need to know how you feel.

You won't be coming in at all? But what about 'Jackonathon?'

But then he scores a basket, even though he's not a wolf anymore.

Larry, I'm not an expert, but I do have a strong opinion. New York as we know it will no longer exist tomorrow.

in the days before Starbuck.

and the movies are only cost three dollars.

Tracy Jordan, saying three serious things, and then a joke.

The chuffa volatility index is off the charts!

Like a lion, ready to take its mate.

Ach, I lost my phone and this jagweed cabby has it.

There's an adult picture of me on that phone. What picture? Oh my god! Yes. That one.

Drew took it as a joke, I'm making a face like- Why am I telling you this?

I was supposed to be in that movie Rush Hour but two weeks into shooting I was replaced by Jackie Chan.

Oh, Miss Lemon, I can't leave Manhattan on page business. NBC's interns doesn't cover it.

Say it. Say I'm your friend. Fine. You're my friend, Kenneth. Let's go.

calm down, and start preparing their bodies for the Thunderdome. That is the new law.

That's my TV!

Aww, I just got tagged.

It's a song, a lullaby that my nana Lemon used to sing to me every night

Oh, was it 'The Day is Done My Sweet, For the Lambs Have Been Decapitated?'

she died a few hours later. It was my birthday.

then I will not rest until I get my friend her phone.

I watched an American Masters last night about Baryshnikov. I picked up a couple of ideas.

there is no amount of money this company could lose that would cause me to- yes, that's the amount, I'll get dressed right now.

Devil's avocado here, Larry, I think people should freak the geek out.

if some of it was gone I'd probably wouldn't even notice. Now why would you say that? I don't know.

No, that's not a New Year's thing, that's the year she wanted to live to, and she didn't make it.

I knew it! That's '99 Red Balloons,' Nena's famous anti-balloon protest song.

I can't handle the truth!

Adult? You mean like you're driving a car or wearing a suit?

and I only kept it because for once they were both pointing in the same direction.

Co-worker!

At the stroke of midnight, your Lexus is gonna turn back into a high-powered rats, fighting over a human finger.

Hang on. I know Jack Donaghy, and that is an impostor. Hang up! Hang up on him Larry! I'm going to, but not because you told me.

It smells like dude in here.

You'll eat cereal that comes in a bag, and you'll keep the free hand wipes from the casino.

So am I.

Well, that was kind of neato, she just, whoop, flipped your words around on you.

Hey, I'd recognize that voice anywhere Larry, that's my friend Peter Frampton on the phone.

Without giving it away: the place I picked is very dry and warm. Its top is hard, but its bottom is soft. And although the location changes all the time, the money stays in the same place.

who is giving guitar icon Peter Frampton enigmatic clues about a secret treasure.

Nothing. I don't know.

either because of the Soviets or of something ridiculous, like a woman president.

Avoid... the noid.

Everything's gone cocoa for cuckoo poops!

But I want a ring so big, that it gives me back problems.

Work number, work number, work number. You have no friends.

I'm not talking to you.

I never said it was a 'thing.' It's me. I am the safest place in 30 Rock.

I would thank you to give the lady its cell phone back.

Because I'm having an asbestos removal party in my apartment on Sunday

and, I'm quoting here, 'an idiot.'

Watch TGS Fridays at 10:30 on NBC! Word.

Aww, how do you turn this damn thing off?