Dad

Dad:'Well, er... You get all that from your mother.'

Fleabag · Dad:'Good one.' / 'Er, I'm going to call you a cab, darling. And, er... please don't go upstairs.'

Dad:'Please don't go upstairs.' — Dad's quiet warning after booking her a cab

Dad:Dad's extended attempt to start a meaningful conversation repeatedly failing — ellipses, false starts, 'er...' — before pivoting to 'Did you take the sculpture?'

Fleabag · Dad:No. / What sculpture? / Oh, right, fine, good. Good, you said no and... ..that means I can go.

Dad:Oh, right, fine, good. Good, you said no and... ..that means I can go.

Dad:DISTANT CHAINSAW BUZZES — immediately upon entering the house

Dad:It's a sad day. A sad, sad day. — followed immediately by 'I'll get the champagne.'

Fleabag · Dad:Dad will come in with some weird canapés in a second. — Girls!

Dad:You're both looking very healthy, very... very good and healthy and...

Dad:You are my... ..daughters. HE COUGHS.

Dad · Fleabag · Claire:She always made them sound so rude... The squirrel voices were the best. / Run! Fucking run!

Fleabag · Dad:The sculpture / stolen artwork confrontation — 'I don't want it in my house.' / '(I'm doing you a massive favour.)' / 'Come on, what's she going to do? Draw me?'

Dad:Dad's panicked salt-searching: 'Oh! Uh...oh... Ah...erm... I just need some... Just need... I need some... salt. There it is.'

Dad:Have you got enough... clothes?

Dad:We've just been keeping it quiet. We haven't been able to buy anything or do anything... What's that? Oh, that? That's just a tiny little house we're buying in France.

Fleabag · Dad:Ooh...What's that? / Oh, that? That's just a...tiny little house we're...we're buying in...in France.

Dad · Fleabag · Claire:Oh, no! / Jesus, Dad! Again? / She mustn't see it. She mustn't find out. / Mmm, five second rule. / No, I have never bought into that rule. It's disgusting.

Stepmother · Dad:Gosh... You really are... — the family's reaction to the boyfriend's looks

Dad:Oh, and again... THEY LAUGH — second time someone has apparently spilled/knocked something

Dad:Goodbye then, my... ..my daughters.

Dad · Claire · Fleabag:No, there's absolutely no need to... / Yes, lovely. / No, no - I'll definitely be there. / I will definitely be there.

Dad:Oh, fuck off. / I'm just going to say this once... I deserve to be happy, I am allowed to move on, I have a good life and I'm happy, all right? All right? If you don't mind... I'm going to go and get... my cardy from the car. It's a little chilly.

Dad · Fleabag:You have the same lines on your forehead as me. / Thank you for fixating on them.

Dad · Fleabag:And sad. / Not born sad. / Some people are. / You weren't. / No, I guess not.

Dad:Jesus, why do daughters get to say that they're fucked up by their fathers when it's so often the other way round?

Dad · Fleabag:Why do you do that to yourself? / Looks cool.

Dad:Dad's wedding toast devolving into extended verbal paralysis: 'So, uh, it means a great deal to both of us that, uh you... that we... the family, are... are... uh... are all... together here for, uh... For a very special family...'

Godmother · Dad:It caused quite a cultural wave. Ripple. Rip... w-wave. Wave.

Godmother · Dad:He plays the flute. The bassoon.

Dad · Fleabag:It's just for you. [Dad gives Fleabag money privately, as a personal gift not for the café]

Dad · Fleabag:You're not being naughty. No! Why?

Martin · Fleabag · Dad:What's that in your hand? It's a voucher. For a counselling session. Thanks, Dad.

Dad · Fleabag:That was meant to be a bedroom present. A what? A present that you open in your bedroom, alone.

Claire · Dad:No, I think I'll just deal with this in my own insane, irrational, anal way, if that's OK. / That's probably for the best.

Dad:The Dad's eulogy about the deceased — he admits 'I found her very difficult' and 'I was jealous of her' as funeral tributes

Dad · Fleabag · Claire:Godmother arrives and the Dad says 'I'll leave you two' — the girls are visibly reluctant to be left alone with her

Dad:'She just didn't get the fun gene.' — Dad about Claire

Dad:Dad's pep talk: 'Buck up. Smile. Charm. Off we go.'

Fleabag · Dad:'Well, that solves that problem. / Well, I'm relieved for him.'

Fleabag · Dad:'He's gonna make a bassoon joke. — Is that a bassoon in your hand or are you just pleased to see me?'

Fleabag · Dad:'Would you say that to your son?' / 'When he has his bassoon, sure.' / 'But... / He's never pleased to see me, so... / It doesn't even make sense.'

Fleabag · Dad:Bassoon joke extended: '...if I was walking towards you with an amputated dick in my hand you'd think I was horny? — Well, I'd assume that you had been. / Certainly wouldn't put it past you to chop a dick off.'

Dad:Dad, trapped somewhere, suggests: 'Just give them all a bottle to take home. Honestly, they will be relieved.'

Dad:Dad's elaborate cover story: 'I just remembered that I had left a friendly mousetrap up here a few weeks ago, and I hadn't checked it and I just wanted to make sure that one little chap hadn't got trapped in it and was suffocating up here.'

Dad · Fleabag:'I love you, but I'm not sure that I like you all the time.' / 'Hey, you created this monster.' / 'You're not the way you are because of me.'

Fleabag · Dad:'We are proud of you, Dad. You have two daughters who love you, even if you don't like them.' / 'I like Claire.'

Dad · Fleabag:'Oh, the, uh, priest is looking for you.' / 'Oh.' / 'Don't break his heart.'