Episode 6

Fleabag · Priest:Long silence followed by 'I just can't believe you did that' — the entire opening scene is Fleabag and the Priest post-coitus, with the camera/audience inference that something enormous has just happened between them, and the show withholds it as comedic tension

Claire · Fleabag:Claire on Klare: 'Well, he's crazy about me so that's a nightmare.' / 'Nightmare.' (Fleabag echoing dryly)

Fleabag · Claire:'It's gonna be a lovely day, isn't it?' / 'I'm afraid so.'

Godmother:Godmother introduces her friends: 'This is my very interesting friend Daniel, who is deaf... And this is my extraordinary friend Francine. She's a lesbian. And this is Asif, my bisexual Syrian refugee friend...'

Godmother:'Oh, my God. This is... This is... God, how extraordinary. I just... I always call you "darling." This is the love of my life.'

Godmother:'I'm going to open it over a bin so I've got somewhere to put the paper.'

Godmother · Fleabag:'I just wondered if you had a little show planned... Well, you normally do.'

Godmother · Fleabag:'D'you know, I often thought it strange that of all my pieces you chose to take her. Why? — She was based on your mother. So nice to have her back in the house.'

Fleabag · Priest:'I thought you were a fox.' / 'No.' / 'Are you...?'

Priest · Fleabag:'You look lovely.' / 'Thank you. So do you.' / 'Wait till you see me in the full... shebang. You're gonna lose your fucking mind.'

Priest · Fleabag:'We just need to get through this bit, and then we can...' [pause] 'We can...' / 'Yeah.'

Fleabag · Claire:Fleabag and another character notice lipstick smeared somewhere visible — 'You have lipstick all...' / 'Oh, fucking hell. That would not look good.'

Fleabag · Priest:'I don't know what this feeling is. Is it God, or is it me?' / 'I don't know.'

Fleabag:'Fuck you, then.'

Claire:'I hate my husband and the man I love is on his way to Finland, so pretty weird.'

Fleabag · Claire:'Oh, way to upstage the bride!' / 'Tried my best.'

Fleabag · Priest:'This is our very chic priest.' / 'Oh, good, I was aiming for chic.'

Godmother:'And this is my unstable step-daughter who's had a miscarriage.'

Priest · Martin:Priest introduces himself to Martin: 'Bit nervous, Martin' — completely honest, completely wrong-footing

Claire:'It was my miscarriage.' / [pause] / 'It was my fucking miscarriage.'

Claire:'Yes, I thought you'd find that funny.'

Claire:'I guess it was your baby's way of saying it didn't want you as its father. Like a goldfish out of the bowl sort of thing.'

Godmother:'Sorry, but whoever had a miscarriage could you take it to the kitchen, please?'

Martin:Martin's speech about his virtues: 'I pick up Jake from shit. I make dessert for Easter. I organise the downstairs toilet. I fired the humming cleaner. I hoover the car. I put up all your certificates and I don't make you feel guilty for not having sex with me.'

Claire · Martin:'You are an alcoholic, and you tried it on with my sister.' / 'Fine. I tried to kiss your sister on her birthday.' / 'My birthday!'

Martin:'I am not a bad guy! I just have a bad personality. It's not my fault. Some people are born with fucked personalities.'

Martin:Martin lists his domestic contributions: 'I pick up Jake from shit. I make dessert for Easter. I organise the downstairs toilet. I fired the humming cleaner.'

Martin:'Look at Jake. He is so creepy. It's not his fault.'

Martin · Claire:'Why the bassoon?' / 'You want to know what the bassoon is? It's a cry for help!'

Martin:'The main fucking problem here is that you don't like me.'

Martin:'I love you. I make you laugh. I'm a douche, but I make you laugh. You said that that was the most important thing!'

Claire:Claire gets on her knees and says 'Please leave me!' after Martin said he wouldn't leave until she was 'down on her knees and begging'

Martin:'I didn't think you'd do that in that dress.'

Dad:Dad, trapped somewhere, suggests: 'Just give them all a bottle to take home. Honestly, they will be relieved.'

Fleabag:Fleabag's reaction beat — 'Everyone will understand?' — she clearly cannot believe her father said that.

Dad:Dad's elaborate cover story: 'I just remembered that I had left a friendly mousetrap up here a few weeks ago, and I hadn't checked it and I just wanted to make sure that one little chap hadn't got trapped in it and was suffocating up here.'

Fleabag:'Do you wanna make a run for it? I can smuggle you out in one of Mum's dresses.'

Dad · Fleabag:'I love you, but I'm not sure that I like you all the time.' / 'Hey, you created this monster.' / 'You're not the way you are because of me.'

Fleabag · Dad:'We are proud of you, Dad. You have two daughters who love you, even if you don't like them.' / 'I like Claire.'

Priest:'Before we start, uh, Jake has asked to play another piece on his bassoon.'

Claire:Claire's airport speech: 'You can't get through security without a boarding pass. No, I wasn't suggesting that — I'd have to buy a dummy ticket just to get through the gate. I don't know when his flight is or which terminal. Imagine if I knew that. Imagine him finding out I knew all that.'

Claire:'Imagine if he was just in Boots buying a pair of tweezers in Terminal Five, and suddenly I was there. "Hello, Klare."'

Jake:'The only person I'd run through an airport for is you.'

Priest:'Thank you, Jake, for that beautiful bassoon piece uh, written specially for today. I believe it's called... "Where's Claire?"'

Priest:The Priest begins his homily: 'Love is awful. It's awful. It's painful. It's frightening... It makes you creepy! It makes you obsessed with your hair!'

Priest:Priest: 'So, it turns out it's quite hard to come up with something original to say about love but I've had a go.'

Wedding Guest / Godmother area:'There's something wrong with your priest.'

Priest:'Go out the side way. Now.'

Godmother:'Oh, fuck it.' (Godmother kisses Fleabag at the wedding)

Dad · Fleabag:'Oh, the, uh, priest is looking for you.' / 'Oh.' / 'Don't break his heart.'

Fleabag · Priest:'Oh, are you leaving?' / 'I was changing.' / 'What do you do? Do you get the... get the bus, or...?' / 'Yeah, I get the bus. On the road? — Just on the road. I get on the bus.'

Fleabag:'Bye, Father.' / [pause] / '"Bye, Father."' [said again quietly to herself]

Fleabag:'You nailed it.'

Fleabag · Bus stop companion (inferred):'It's God, isn't it?' / 'Yeah.' / 'Damn.'

Fleabag · Priest:'You know, the worst thing is... that I fucking love you.'

Priest:'No, no, don't. No, let's just leave that out there, just for a second on its own.'

Priest:'It'll pass.'

Fleabag:'This bus is not magically coming.' / 'I think I'll walk.'

Priest:'Uh, see you Sunday? / I'm joking, you're never ever allowed in my church again.'

Priest:'I love you, too.'

Fleabag:'He went that way.' — Fleabag pointing to indicate the Priest's direction to the audience/camera in the final fourth-wall break