The Gang Gets Ready for Prime Time

Frank:And my roommate, who is also one of my kids' friends, who we thought was my kid. But we chucked his real dad off a cliff. He was already soup by that point.

Dennis:I mean, hell... we live in a country where reality television could be a pathway towards being the president.

Charlie:So I turned to this coyote. I got on my haunches, 'cause you gotta get down on your haunches. You gotta meet them where they are. And I'm like, 'Why are you following me?'

Dee:'Hi, I'm Dee. Frank is a great dad.' That's it.

Dennis:Well, we've moved past comedy as a society. We don't want it anymore, we've decided. You know, it makes us think too much about, you know, our current condition.

Mac:Go woke, go broke. Right, Dennis?

Dennis:Yeah, for sure, man.

Dennis:No. Uh, well, no. That's the opposite of what I'm saying.

Charlie:What, me?

Dennis:Probably.

Dennis:Well, sure. Yeah, you.

Charlie:What if instead of getting all clean, I get more dirty. And then Frank's like, 'Oh, my God, he's dirty. I'm concerned about him,' you know?

Dennis:That is how you make great art.

Dennis:Oh, God. Jesus Christ. Dude, you really overdid it on the tanner.

Mac:Well, it's a farmer's tan.

Dennis:You're not a farmer.

Mac:But my guy is.

He's so bald.

Artemis:Um, me too. Because I'm a slut who likes to shove things in her mouth.

Mac:I'm Mac. Uh, I love Jesus, and therefore am not gay.

Dennis:The more he tries to hammer it home, the more it sounds like we do do it.

Dee:They like when I'm funny.

Dennis:Don't refer to them.

Dee:They like when I'm funny. Did you notice that?

Charlie:I confused the shampoo with the Nair hair removal. And then, you know, it came off.

Mac:Oh. Okay. Well, maybe America is ready for us.

Dennis:There is no us. Mac, stop trying to groom me, okay?

Mac:I didn't like that either. You know, you shouldn't speak of Satan.

Dennis:And you said, 'speak of the devil.'

Mac:He was speaking of the devil.

Dennis:Well... Mac and Dee tested the highest, which is crazy.

Mac:Oh!

Dee:Oh, yeah!

Dennis:I didn't say you tested high. I said you tested the highest, you know.

Charlie:Well, they thought you had cancer.

Dennis:Why?

Charlie:Because you do look like you have cancer.

Dee:Why was the old man so bossy? He looked haggard.

Dennis:No, no, no. You're... Now you're making stuff up.

Dee:His features were so sunken, it was hard to concentrate on the story.

Dennis:Get your shit together!

Mac:I'm going for the bad guy in Commando look. You know, like, 'Who's straighter than that?'

Charlie:Dude, you look like Freddie Mercury.

Mac:Oh, cool. He's like the straightest man alive.

Dennis:This? Well, it's just, you know... It's a way to kind of tighten the skin up a little bit. Give me a more youthful appearance.

Dennis:Can we not, okay? I mean, a rubber chicken?

Dee:Are you ser...

Dennis:Yeah. Come on.

Dennis:Speak of the... Speak of the guy.

Charlie:No, I'm from Eastern European territory. / Uh... So, what's for dinner? / Beet soup, I hope.

Dee:I like it, because white people doing funny accents is not woke.

Mac:I thought we were doing woke.

Dennis:Um... I live here with Mac in a totally age-appropriate and platonic relationship.

Oh, okay. It was funny. It was funny.

Frank:So, guys, guess how much me and this broad banged boots?

Mac:I'm doing a goddamn backflip. You can't stop me. Because the power of Christ compels me.

Dennis:The one in the plaid suit seemed sad and desperate. And I was only laughing because I was so uncomfortable.

Dennis:I love when the vampire slayer busted out the crucifix on his old vampire lover.

Mac:I was... I was gonna play a cool song.

Dennis:Let's see what you were gonna play.

Mac:Kid Rock.

Dennis:How fun.

Dennis:'Cause we're not vampires. Obviously. / That... That'd be crazy. Um...

Dee:Hi, I'm Dee. Frank was a great father.

Dennis:No.

Dee:You got a great sense of humor, Frank.

Dennis:No.

Focus group:Let your boyfriend flip.

Focus group:Yeah!

Dennis:He's not my boyfriend!

Mac:I'm with this guy. Let him flip.

Dennis:Two men entwined only by the walls that house us and the passage of time.

Dennis:All is well and palatable and good. You must know this and you must reflect it as such on the cards that you've been given.

Dennis:There was another show... by the name of Family Fight and I was not properly represented on that show and I cannot and will... not abide another failure of that magnitude.

Dennis:I need this from you. Please.

Charlie:It's been a month.

Mac:We've been doing this for a month?

Dee:Yeah, it's been a month.

Charlie:I think it's been a solid month.

That episode aired two weeks ago.

Dennis:Who the hell are these people?

Charlie:He replaced us.

Dee:He replaced us?

Frank:It is so good to see you. They would never do anything to embarrass me in any way.

Mac:He replaced us.

Fake family member:They would never do anything to embarrass me in any way.

Mac:I guess he went woke. And he didn't go broke.