Guess Whos Coming To Marry

Will · Will's Mom:Will's mom making him blow on his math homework like he's a little kid

Hilary:And if you value your tip, stop looking at my behind.

Philip · Uncle Phil:Philip: 'I can't believe my baby sister's getting married.' Uncle Phil: 'I can. I just paid the florist.'

Vivian · Uncle Phil:Vivian: 'Philip, all you ever think about is money.' Phil: 'No. That's not true, Vivian. Sometimes I think about other things.' [pause]

Viola · Uncle Phil:Viola: 'Would you two knock it off? You're married. It's time you start acting like it.' Phil: 'Viola, this is why I got married.'

Hilary:Hilary: 'Like, I read about it, okay?'

Hilary · Worker:Hillary: 'Lady, don't you know any other words?' Worker: 'No.'

Hilary:This is not a Ninja-Turtle wedding.

Geoffrey:Miss Hillary, the day you do everything for yourself... will be the day I square-dance naked on the White-House lawn.

Ashley:Mom, last time he came here... he pulled off Barbie's arm and burnt down her Dream House.

Helen:Is this the Banks' house or Buckingham Palace?

Helen:You got a boyfriend yet? Now ain't no point in saving nothing these days. You hear what I'm saying?

Will:The whole neighborhood hears what you saying.

Vivian:Helen, I see you still haven't come out of your shell.

Bobby · Will:Bobby: 'I want to sleep with Carlton.' Will: 'I always dreamt when I heard those words it would be Paula Abdul saying them.'

Lester:Lester: 'Man, I take all the action I can get.'

Viola:Oh, yes. Speaking of taking care of business, does he?

Viola · Will:Will is 17 years old. He's probably taking care of a little business himself. Aren't you, Will? [Will's shocked reaction] Absolutely not!

Will:Y'all don't know? Hey, I did teach her how to burp on command.

Will:Hold on, Aunt Janice. Hold up. That was, like, 10 years ago. I'm, like, light-years ahead of you now. [Dancing badly]

Hilary:Later on this afternoon, you ladies can go skating on it.

Helen · Viola:The good, the bad, and the-- Don't even try it.

Will:Yeah, I would crack on your feet, but they don't reach all the way up here.

Carlton · Will:Well, I'm definitely getting married, and I want my wife to be a virgin. Well, you better hurry up, man. Mother Teresa ain't getting no younger.

Carlton:She'll be an excellent homemaker and have the breasts the size of Australia.

Will:I don't know, man. I just can't imagine... waking up to the same woman every day for the rest of my life... no matter how big Australia is.

Will:Heck, by then young Carlton will be interviewing for preschool... and Carltonette will be a little croissant in the oven.

Will:Is that your feet, or did you break wind?

Carlton · Will:I'll be all dressed up with absolutely nothing to do. Just think of it as one of your dates.

Carlton:Forget it. I will not be an accomplice to the murder of Mickey Mouse.

Will:You know, Bobby, I love it when you come to visit, man. They appreciate me so much more when you leave.

Frank:Cute, cute, cute, and cute. A dangerous combination.

Will:Man, what does she do when y'all eat out?

Will:Here's $5. Go find your own.

Uncle Phil:My cousin used to date a girl who was...tall. Heck, the boys go to a predominantly...tall school.

Viola:I'm sorry, did I say white? I meant tall.

Will:She breast-fed me.

Will:She breast-fed me.

Helen:I don't care if Frank is black, white, or candy-apple red. I've been on Slim-Fast for the last two weeks to fit into my dress. Now somebody's gonna marry somebody up in here.

Helen · Vivian:Do you remember the last reunion when Uncle Rubin came out of the closet? How could I forget? He came out wearing my purple-leather suit.

Helen:She's the one that told Uncle Rubin he looked good in purple.

Helen:Honey, who'd you think you were bringing him home to? Stevie Wonder?

Vivian:Then I guess I better pick up some Barry Manilow for the reception.

Viola:What's upstairs? The electric chair?

Viola:More like quiet, evil, and colored.

Helen:Well, I guess she'll be on the first broom back to Philly.

Will:For a second there, I thought you was Wesley Snipes.

Will:For a second there, I thought you was Wesley Snipes.

Frank:And when you come visit, you can borrow my Porsche.

Will · Frank:So you need any tips on sex? No, not really. Got any for me?

Will:Well, I just thought that I would, you know, drop in on the... on the thing.

Will:If I can just make it to that door.

Carlton:Since Aunt Janice is of the Negroid persuasion... and Frank is of the Caucasoid persuasion... I've compiled a special medley of songs.

Will:I think you were deprived of oxygen at birth.

Uncle Phil:Why are you all looking at me? Reverend, go on with the ceremony. We are paying you by the hour.