The Cold War

Will:Way to go, Arnold Schwarzenegro.

Will:Yeah, I know. I don't see what attracted her to you.

Will:Maybe you should go to bed.

Geoffrey:Oh, good, a floor show.

Hilary:If it's a boy, it's blue.

Ashley:Hilary's not planning on having kids, is she?

Uncle Phil:Now this is exactly why the doctor changed his number on us, Vivian.

Will:See, this is the same dude that said a squirrel ate that six-pack of Milky Ways.

Geoffrey:I got dressed all by myself this morning.

Will:Now, this friend of mine knows this squaw that he's completely in love with, right? But this particular squaw just broke up with his best friend.

Uncle Phil:Word up.

Uncle Phil:No. Let's just say he's two olives short of a martini.

Will:I'll rock your world.

Geoffrey:And I'd feel a lot better if you'd wash your own underthings.

Geoffrey:Like one hell of a night in Tijuana.

Geoffrey:At least she offered me $200.

Will:Maybe I should just find out.

Will:We might have to pull an all nighter.

Will:Maybe you're on to something.

Will:Paula. You're right. I hope that doesn't happen tonight.

Will:No, I don't know nothing. I'm just a poor black man trying to make it in Bel-Air.

Will:Most girls don't give you nothing.

Vivian:Get out of the house.

Will:You know, we're getting more and more like the Jackson family every day.

Will · Uncle Phil:You want to start paying rent? I can be out in an hour.

Will:Yes, Ashley, it means she's having a better week.

Will:I mean, come on, he thinks X is the movie about Malcolm-Jamal Warner's fight for freedom.

Carlton:Very funny, guys. Why don't you stop spinning?

Carlton:That'd feel kind of good right now.

Will:Yeah, so was I. No, see, you don't know about it. See, you ain't hip to it, right? In Philly, we name our food, right? See, like cheesecake is Paula, right? And a Snack Pack is Boomshika.

Will:I can't see him. You can. Is he buying it?

Will:I did it to save you from something terrible. As soon as I figure it out, I'll let you know what it is.

Carlton · Will:Carlton, who are you calling? Your mother.

Carlton:So it's okay to steal a guy's girlfriend as long as you don't go tell his mommy about it.

Will:Even in ancient times, they would kill your cattle, they would burn your village, and they would stone your family, but they wouldn't never tell your mother, man.

Carlton · Uncle Phil:It was Halloween. You still haven't returned my bustier.

Will:Look like you spending the evening with Little Richard.

Will · Carlton:She has parents? She never introduced me to her parents. She told me they were dead.

Will:Man, nice, firm mattress, just like the one at Paula's house.

Will:and over, and over...

Carlton:Why don't you look like one?

Carlton · Will:Whatever you say. [Throws remote hard] Go get it. Make me.

Carlton:Make me.

Vivian:Philip, honey, at least take off the foil.

Hilary:Hi, this is Hilary. Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm not in so... so leave a...

Paula:First, I'd nibble on your left ear, then I'd bite you on your neck. Then I'd... Oops. There's my other line.

Will:Yeah, what are you going to do? Jump up and bang your head against it?

Will:You're gonna go play on the freeway?

Will:I told her you had tuberculosis.

Carlton:You told her about Binky? I'll kill you.

Carlton:Well, I told her you worship Satan.

Carlton:Well, I told her you worship Satan.

Carlton:Well, I told her you shave your legs.

Carlton:You know that funky smell coming from the basement? Psych.

Will:this stuff kind of tastes like dry wall with raisins in it.

Will:you really shouldn't wear silk no more 'cause, like, when big folks wear silk...

Geoffrey:I'm bloody sick of the two of you going through my drawers.

Will:You mean this isn't oatmeal?

Uncle Phil:Congratulations, you're having a Hilary.

Uncle Phil:It's the little chocolate Easter bunny!