To Thine Own Self Be Blue And Gold

Will:Oh, damn, what happened, man, the toaster turn you down?

Will · Carlton:Loser Boy. Well, honesty is one way to go. Will, that's a typo. I'm Lover Boy.

Will:And I guess lying is the other way to go. Heh.

Will:Because you're little... you're chocolate... and you're rich. And then your head come to this stupid little point

Geoffrey · Hilary:What's so funny? Miss Hilary... remember when you caught me in the potting shed... with Sabrina, the tennis tutor? Oh, I certainly do. And Daddy was so mad when I told him. Yes, remember I said I'd get you back? Yeah. We're even.

Will · Hilary:Man, this will change my whole life. Yes, now you can drive the car without sitting on phone books.

Will · Phil:The name of your fraternity was Pi Nu? So that made you what, a pie man?

Will:Oh. So, you know, you probably hung out with the sorority girls from Beta Crocker.

Will · Carlton:What, sucking up? Exactly.

Geoffrey:Where's a gong when you need one?

Will:Wow, what a coincidence, because Bullwinkle's nickname is Phil.

Ernest · Phil:Hey, so, what's he doing now? Oh, he's dead. Dead drunk probably.

Will:Actually, he's being a little modest. Carlton, come on, he's at least 4 feet.

Carlton · Will:Speaking of cookies, I've been running the campus restaurant... Right into the ground.

Geoffrey:Well, you're half right. Hah!

Carlton:The last time you had a date, Dad had a Jheri curl.

Will · Carlton:Is this better? Ow!

Will:Will's elaborate phone prank on Carlton with the briefcase

Will:Excuse me, that was a Visa. Oh. That's an American Express. I think that was a Diner's Club.

Will:You know, it starts to pull a little to the left at about 90. Uh... Says the manual.

Will:What money? I did not see no money. I did not see no money. I didn't see a dime, nothing. I looked the other way when it popped.

Ernest · Will:Well, can we just say it's a birthday present, huh? Yes, we could. Yeah, yeah, we could say that. Because that's what I had thought, you know. I figured that's what it was, you know. I didn't see no party hats, no... Heeh!... in there.

Geoffrey:I believe it is.

Carlton:Sani-Seat. Oh, and I'm also bringing my secret weapon. That's right, Tony Orlando with Dawn.

Hilary:I'd knee you in the groin, then I'd blush and giggle.

Geoffrey:Follow the Ding Dong debris.

Phil:Councilman Braddock is a Tony Orlando and Dawn fan. He should be run out of office.

Carlton:What are you saying? I'm dating my own sister. Is my favorite country Western song.

Will:Uh... One more thing, y'all two dating?

Ernest:These days that's hardly enough to even be considered a bribe.

Will:And if my drawers wasn't so dirty, I'd snatch this suit and give it to you too.

Will:You best to press off or you'll get straight molly whopped up in here.

Will:I should have wrote that one down too, right?

Will:It's just like when I found out that Kermit the Frog... was just a piece of green felt with somebody's hand up his butt.

Will:Come on, Moose, let that caboose loose. You stupid. Ha-ha.