Save The Last Trance For Me

Will:I want something simple. Just me and my boys barking like seals at naked women. [BARKING]

Carlton:But, Will, that's so politically incorrect. No one likes naked women anymore, believe me.

Will · Carlton:Tell me again, why did I make you my best man? You said I'm like the brother you never had. No, no, I said you like the brother I never wanted.

Will · Carlton:When you wake up, you will be very, very short. Damn, see, that stuff does work.

Will:[IN NATIVE AMERICAN ACCENT] Distant drums say man with giant pants... forget important interview.

Hilary:Well, can't you cancel it? [LAUGHING] Good one, Daddy. Ha.

Geoffrey:Certainly, sir. I'll just have to make this triple fudge bundt cake tomorrow.

Ashley:Sure, my bike has a basket.

Will:Or that weird dude that be vacuuming our pool.

Will:Say, don't you have a class now? Oh, that's not important.

Will:Or you could say, 'In two years, I'll be bigger than you.'

Will · Carlton · Nicky:Well, you need to stop pressuring him. You treat him like a ventriloquist's dummy. That's not what I'm doing. Nicky, what school do you wanna go to? The best school in L.A. Crescent Rock School. Yeah, I was wrong, Carlton. You're the dummy.

Will:Now I know what Uncle Phil must feel like in a Miata.

Nicky:Hi, I'm Nicky. Is there any apple juice?

Ruby:That may be why the other adults were standing.

Will:You know, he just wrote, produced, directed his first screenplay. The Forest Gumby.

Nicky · Will:Look, I can make myself dizzy. That's a part of his comedy act. Yeah, that one killed them at Def Jam, Junior.

Will:Oh, hey, well, Nicky here is a big interacter. You might call him the last interaction hero, you know.

Will:This is that mountain from Hawaii, Mount Kichikichiyayadada.

Nicky · Teacher · Nicky:It's really a turtle. He's inside his shell. Is he hiding because he's nervous about going to a new school? No, he's watching Power Rangers.

Will:What, an artificial heart valve?

Will · Carlton:Oh, great. You know, I mean, not 'great' great, you know. But it was good. It was good. You know. You know, not that good, you know. But... What is the word I'm looking for? Bad? Worse than that, but I'll go with bad.

Nicky · Will · Nicky:Will's the one that got yelled at for stealing. Well, she had it coming after the way she talked about your mountain. It was a turtle.

Will:Are you sure that while Aunt Viv was pregnant with Carlton... she wasn't, you know?

Carlton:Tippy The Drunken Penguin is his opening act. Ooh, you think we could get him for my bachelor party?

Will:Oh, come on, Uncle Phil, hasn't there been enough black-on-black violence?

Carlton:Look, Will, she thinks she's naked. Isn't this exciting?

Will:Ooh. Shoot me, oh, Great Mentos, shoot me.

Will:Pie. Oh, my God, Uncle Phil.

Will:Could I have my coat? My fault.

Ashley:I've replaced all the video tapes with insect documentaries.

Hilary · Will:It's their end-of-the-season thong blowout. Everything in there is half off. You know what I'm saying?

Geoffrey:Aren't you glad I use Dial?

Will:I seen Uncle Phil pick bigger chunks of food out of his teeth.

Will:That never works.

Will · Carlton:[IN CHILD'S VOICE] I gotta go potty. Hey, the buddy system stops at the pool, mister.

Carlton:It must be all that rap music.

Geoffrey:Can he make me think I care?

Uncle Phil:Look at that, the boy would rather read than walk. Isn't that beautiful?

Mr. Spiegel · Hilary:But this is a bass. Well, the cello's in the shop, this is a loaner.

Geoffrey:Actually, madam, I got it from the Gary Coleman Cookbook. Hope you like short ribs.

Will · Mr. Spiegel:You like seafood? Of course. See, food.

Carlton · Will:I'll give you a snickerdoodle. Okay.

Geoffrey:Why, certainly, Master Carlton. I just happen to have a trolley in my trousers.

Will:Simon says, 'Freeze.'

Will · Mr. Spiegel:Okay. What's the most musical part of your body? I don't know. Your nose because you can pick it and blow it.

Will:Excuse me, mister, I'll shine your head for a nickel.

Carlton:For the love of God, does nobody have a bell?

Will:What the hell is in those crab puffs?

Carlton · Carlton:Too bad we got stuck behind that ice cream truck on the way there. Yeah, those bells turned you into a raving maniac.

Vivian · Nicky:They said it was his sincerity that impressed them the most. They liked that he was just being himself. That's what Will told me to do.

Will:You know, it just seems to me... that there might be a cash gift involved here somewhere, I don't know. Well, I'll settle for just a hearty handshake.

Will:[DOORBELL RINGS] [BARKING]

Will:Look, I'll walk him, but somebody else gonna have to pooper scoop.