Homer brings the whole family along when he is sent to Italy to pick up a new sports car for Mr. Burns, when they find themselves in a small town that Sideshow Bob has become the mayor of.
WAR
52.4
Wins Above Replacement
“The Italian Bob” ranks #95 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 83.1 — Elite. The episode packs 54 scored jokes at 3.4 per minute, averaging 7.1 on craft and 6.8 on impact, with Homer Simpson landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Mr. Burns · Smithers: Kill them, Smithers. / You could just buy a new car, sir. / Well... whatever's easier.
Sideshow Bob: Surely, even the most heinous criminal deserves a seventh chance.
Homer Simpson: Stupid Italy. Wish you'd never been unified by Victor Emmanuel II. If only you'd stayed a loose confederation of city-states, trading with each other and occasionally warring.
Mr. Burns: How dare you mock my mobile-a-mobile? It was the first car to outrun a man. A caveman.
Homer Simpson: Wow, I've seen photos of this, but you can't really experience it until you're here: A Mcdonald's where you can get booze!
All Jokes — 54 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Groundskeeper Willie: Enjoy your multicultural hooey.
Bart Simpson: What is this crap? This is worse than 'wheelchair-nocchio.'
Nelson Muntz: Hey, cryptkeeper, I like your Dodge scare-a-van.
Mr. Burns: How dare you mock my mobile-a-mobile? It was the first car to outrun a man. A caveman.
Cletus Spuckler: I thought of that 'cause I slept in a cave last night.
Mr. Burns · Smithers: Kill them, Smithers. / You could just buy a new car, sir. / Well... whatever's easier.
Smithers: May I suggest an Oldsmobile?
Smithers Wordplay/Pun Deadpan/Understatement Mr. Burns: I won't forget who mocked me. I'm taking your picture. Now, hold perfectly still for 78 minutes.
Smithers: That's the car I think about when I make love to my wife.
Smithers Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Bart Simpson · Homer Simpson: That guy in first class is taking a tv out of his armrest. / What's in you? / A bunch of stupid cables.
Cletus Spuckler · Brandine Spuckler: The kids just got a new playhouse! / Cletus, you are the most wonderful husband and son I ever had.
Lisa Simpson: Well, some people in Europe have the impression that America has made some stupid choices in the past, oh, five years.
Homer Simpson: That flag is mine! Don't mess with Texas! Shock and awe, losers! Shock and awe!
Homer Simpson: Why you little...
Homer Simpson: Wow, I've seen photos of this, but you can't really experience it until you're here: A Mcdonald's where you can get booze!
Lisa Simpson · Homer Simpson: But, dad, don't you want to turn around and see the tower? / There's a picture of it on my cup.
Homer Simpson · Lisa Simpson: It says here we should turn left at a fat chick in a tutu being fed by a midget. / That's a dvd of a Fellini movie.
Homer Simpson: I get it. The midget represents dwarves.
Homer Simpson: Mozzarella! Parmigiano! Provolone! Pecorino! Gorgonzola! Fontina! Taleggio! Bocconcini!
Homer Simpson · Marge Simpson: Don't worry. We got the cheese insurance. / It doesn't cover mortadella. / No!
Homer Simpson: Stupid Italy. Wish you'd never been unified by Victor Emmanuel II. If only you'd stayed a loose confederation of city-states, trading with each other and occasionally warring.
Italian Mechanic · Homer Simpson: Americano? / What the hell could that mean? Why can't you people learn to speak my language? I learned to eat your food.
Italian Mayor · Italian Woman: kentucky?! / In italia, this a-means 'whore'!
Sideshow Bob: Sideshow Bob of all the regioni and all the villaggi in all of Italia, you had to be il mayore of this one!
Lisa Simpson: But it better have a beginning, a middle and an end. And you'd better make us root for the protagonist.
Homer Simpson: Okay, so far I'm rooting for you.
Sideshow Bob · Italian Local: It's pronounced 'buon giorno.' Your mouth is getting lazy on the second syllable. Here, let me guide you.
Sideshow Bob: These feet are made for stomping and that's just what they'll do one of these days these feet will make chianti out of you ready, feet? Start stomping.
Homer Simpson · Sideshow Bob: Holy moley! I always thought you were, you know, out loud and proud. / Well, I experimented in college, as one does.
Homer Simpson · Sideshow Bob: I never went to college. / Stop the presses.
Gino · Bob's Wife: The name Roberto cries when he has the bad dream. Bart Simpson! Bart Simpson! Bart Simpson! I make like my daddy!
Bob's Wife: He makes love like a man who just got out of jail.
Sideshow Bob: Surely, even the most heinous criminal deserves a seventh chance.
Homer Simpson: Yeah, I tell Marge everything. Not necessarily in words, but in body language. You know, sneaking around and such.
Lisa Simpson: You can't be a bad person if you have a family. And literature is filled with tales of redemption from Jean Valjean to the voice of Buzz Lightyear, Tim Allen.
Lisa Simpson · Homer Simpson: Dad, don't act like Mussolini. / I thought I was doing Donald Trump.
Bob: This sausage shop has been grinding the same family of pigs for 600 years.
Bob Wordplay/Pun Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Italian Police · Chief Wiggum: Chief, I tried to warn you. Sideshow bob hasn't lived here for months. / Oh, god, am I sorry. Is that a penn state banner? 'Cause my cousin went there. Did you know him? Mark Wiggum, fat kid, played a lot of tetris.
Sideshow Bob: Tomorrow, they return to America, taking with them my gratitude, my friendship and my heartfelt wish that they never return.
Homer Simpson: Look, the town drunk is two years old.
Lisa Simpson · Homer Simpson: Yeah, but he's a wanted killer in our community. / He deserves to be hailed at this wingding. / More like jailed at sing sing.
Sideshow Bob: Drunken children tell the ugliest lies.
Sideshow Bob · Francesca: But darling, the boy drove me to murder by exonerating a harlequin who I framed for robbery at the Kwik-E-Mart. / It all sounds so stupid.
Francesca: It all sounds so stupid.
Lisa Simpson · Bart Simpson: Boy, that Sideshow Bob goes from zero to murder awfully fast. / At least this time it was Lisa who ruined Bob's life.
Marge Simpson: It's called a hangover, sweetie. And it's an unavoidable part of life.
Homer Simpson: What am i supposed to use it for... transporting water to distant urban centers?! Lazy romans.
Marge Simpson: I feel like I'm the Bourne Identity.
Homer Simpson: I am the gayest super villain ever. Beware my scented candles.
Sideshow Bob: I don't wish to brag, but he's evil at an eighth grade level.
Krusty the Clown: I know you're out there. I can hear you being greasy.
Krusty the Clown: Well, I need someone to help me smuggle antiquities to America. Everyone, break off a piece and hide it on your person.
Gondolier · Homer Simpson: When a big tub of lard... / Knock it off. / Excusi. No speaka english.
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