After a series of destructive acts, Homer decides that Santa's Little Helper must go unless he passes obedience school. As the dog's last hours with the family approach, Bart must find a way to get through to him.
Dog training montage delivers 12 consecutive jokes, anchoring Season 2's middling episode.
Directed by Jim Reardon · Written by Jon Vitti, John Swartzwelder, Jeff Martin
WAR
39.2
Wins Above Replacement
“Barts Dog Gets An F” ranks #350 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 76.5 — Great. The episode packs 58 scored jokes at 3.3 per minute, averaging 6.9 on craft and 6.4 on impact, with Homer landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Grampa Simpson: A millionaire! I kept the wrong one.
Bart · Homer · Bart · Homer: Dad? What is it, boy? I thought your car was cool. Thanks, boy. I was waiting for someone to say that.
Homer Simpson: All my life, I've looked for a car that feels right. Powerful like a gorilla, yet soft like a Nerf ball.
Homer: Thanks for nuclear power, which is yet to cause a single proven fatality...at least in this country. Amen.
Homer Dark/Subversive Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Herb · Designer · Herb: Persephone? What the hell kind of name is that? She was the Greek goddess of spring and rebirth. She was carried off to Hades where she ate six pomegranates-- People don't want cars named after hungry, old, Greek broads!
All Jokes — 58 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Homer · Movie patron: $2.50 for this? What a gyp!
McBain villain: You broke up that meeting. Now I'm thinking about holding another meeting in bed.
Movie patrons: The screen's small! The floor's sticky! The subplot felt tacked on. We demand a refund!
Young patron · Grampa Simpson: Don't have a heart attack, old dude. Don't you tell me what to do, you young whipper...snapper!
Homer: Thanks for nuclear power, which is yet to cause a single proven fatality...at least in this country. Amen.
Homer Dark/Subversive Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Lisa · Bart: Bart ate during the blessing! You opened your eyes. Eating is worse. Is not! Is too!
Homer · Lisa · Homer: One more word and Bart gets no cartoons...and Lisa can't go to college! Dad! Not one word!
Homer: No panto-ma-mine, either.
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Grampa Simpson: Not that close!
Homer: Oh, Dad! You and your imagination.
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Carnival worker: Hey, handsome, wanna dunk the clown?
Grampa Simpson: She did things your mother would never do. Like have sex for money.
Homer: This makes me feel special. Since I'm the one you kept, it means you really love me.
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Grampa Simpson: Interesting theory.
Grampa Simpson: Yeah, right. Good luck.
Lisa: A long-lost half-brother. How Dickensian!
Lisa Character Comedy Observational Bart · Marge · Homer: Know where this bastard lives? His parents aren't married. It's the correct word, isn't it? He's got us there.
Old man · Homer: You're a little late. They tore that down 30 years ago. Thirty years! I'll never find him!
Homer: Oh, brother, where art thou?
Homer Observational Setup/Punchline Homer: Yeah, but we're looking for my brother today.
Homer Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Clerk: Your brother could be anywhere, even Detroit.
Clerk Setup/Punchline Observational Clerk: If you ask me...the city of brotherly love isn't Philadelphia, it's Detroit.
Clerk Misdirection Irony/Sarcasm Clerk: Read between the lines, you fool!
Clerk Escalation Character Comedy Homer · Clerk: Here's 20 bucks. Now, will you tell me where my brother lives? I don't-- Take it and tell me! He lives in Detroit.
Homer: 'H'! Of course! That could stand for Herbert!
Homer Character Comedy Observational Homer · Herb: Hello? Hello? Stupid phone! Knock it off! I'm here! I was silent due to emotion.
Homer · Marge: But, Marge, I want to see my brother! Homer, it's an empty threat.
Security guard · Herb · Herb: Sorry, sir, I didn't know it was you. That's okay. Carry on. See the way I handled that, Marge?
Herb · Board members: We're losing to the Japanese. Why? Unfair trade practices? Mushy one-worlders in Washington? Some gypsy curse?
Herb · Board member · Herb: Why did I hire Harvard idiots? You went there. But Mommy and Daddy didn't pay my way!
Herb · Designer · Herb: Persephone? What the hell kind of name is that? She was the Greek goddess of spring and rebirth. She was carried off to Hades where she ate six pomegranates-- People don't want cars named after hungry, old, Greek broads!
Designer · Herb: I guess they extend to when the Angles met the Saxons. When white met bread.
Homer: Holy moly! The bastard's rich!
Homer Character Comedy Callback Callback Herb · Marge: All born in wedlock? Yes, but Bart was a close call.
Herb · Lisa · Bart: Lisa, are you the hell-raiser your father told me about? No, I can assure you I'm not. I'm the hell-raiser.
Homer: Oh, what's to know? Just dive in. Catch!
Homer Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy Herb · Homer: God, that new-baby smell. Homer, you're the richest man I know. I feel the same about you.
Homer · Marge: Wait! Let me see if I got this right. It's Christmas day, 4:00 a.m...there's a rumble in my belly-- Homer!
Herb · Bart: 'Uncle Herb' sounds so formal. Do you think you could call me 'Unky Herb'? No problemo, Unky Herb.
Herb Bart Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Grampa Simpson: A millionaire! I kept the wrong one.
Homer Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy Herb: You know what they cost me? There's maybe $40 worth of steel in them.
Herb Observational Dark/Subversive Herb: You hear that, morons? This is why we're getting killed! Instead of listening, you're telling people what they want.
Herb Character Comedy Observational Herb · Homer: I want to pay you $200,000 a year! And I want to let you!
Engineer · Homer · Homer: Your brother told you to help us. Yeah, he did. Why don't you get us some coffee?
Herb · Homer: How could you ask for it? You don't know what it is. May I be excused?
Herb: It's because you're an average schmo. All you need is self-confidence.
Herb Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Homer: Hello, Einstein! I said a place to put my drink. The Super Slurpees they sell at Kwik-E-Marts are this big!
Homer Character Comedy Observational Homer: Put a horn here, here and here. I can't find it when I'm mad. And they should play 'La Cucaracha.'
Homer Escalation Character Comedy Homer · Engineer · Homer: You're fired! What are we paying you for? A separate soundproof dome for the kids? With restraints and muzzles. Bull's-eye!
Homer: And when I gun the motor...I want people to think the world is coming to an end!
Homer Character Comedy Escalation Herb: To think I wasted my life in boardrooms and meetings. I could have been watching cartoons!
Herb Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Grampa Simpson: This old fool's wasted his life.
Homer Simpson: All my life, I've looked for a car that feels right. Powerful like a gorilla, yet soft like a Nerf ball.
Herb: $82,000! This monstrosity costs $82,000?
Herb Escalation Character Comedy Herb: Maybe I'd have been better off? Maybe? You sponge-head, of course I'd have been better off! As far as I'm concerned, I have no brother!
Herb Escalation Dark/Subversive Homer: Maybe he said that to make conversation.
Homer Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Bart · Homer · Bart · Homer: Dad? What is it, boy? I thought your car was cool. Thanks, boy. I was waiting for someone to say that.
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