Kidnapped By Danger

Pride: Make every room a bathroom.

Boy meets girl. Girl gets kidnapped by asian dictator. Boy makes movie to get girl back. Girl's so grateful she does birthday things to boy. Boy falls asleep.

'cause I'm gonna be mitt rom-mummy. I call it. You can't steal it.

Why wouldn't you be mitt-zombie? Because I'm an idiot!

You're forgetting boy meets girl's mother. They are creepily attracted to each other.

I need to thank my co-writers, gary greasy And jesus, a homeless man I stole the melody from.

♪ trapper keeper, snickers bar, my thermos hit the floor ♪ ♪ broken knapsack

Like, when people wanna see your boobs at mardi gras.

Weird al corrupted something beautiful That was written to distract gary greasy While he came down from meth.

My father wore this to his high school prom. The theme was enchantment under the jim crow laws.

[dubbed over] beautiful geniuses --Holes.

Put a message in a bottle and throw it in the river. That's where I go every day to fish for shoes.

Throw your resume away on the fourth floor And we'll be in touch.

Pride: The world is your toilet.

We smash cut to a night of passion In a completely dark room. Bathing suit areas get a workout.

[ridiculous boston accent] - jack, who's calling ya At such a wicked late hour? Ya mother?

Jack donaghy, 50s, big irish head

think courteney cox-- Dances with a handsome pilot-- Think a young fred grandy.

No, that's how people from boston sound to me.

I got four inches of steel that might change your mind.

I turned down intercourse with harvey weinstein On no less than three occasions...Out of five.

What do you think phil collins Was trying to do with sussudio? Which weird al famously parodied soup soupy-o.

What do you think phil collins Was trying to do with sussudio?

I'm glad to see the endgame of feminism Is women dressing like dennis the menace at work.

Because it's crass, jack. Like personalized wedding vows or standing up in a pool.

Like personalized wedding vows or standing up in a pool.

My housekeeper started screaming.

I flew here, but I saw a train from the window.

I flew here, but I saw a train from the window.

All my life, I have been the third wheel That prevents people from having sex.

In college, they called me 'the blocker'.

I'm sorry, but you're stressed and you're lonely And that woman has flawless skin, Like an organic chicken. I haven't had lunch.

Since the creation of earth 800 years ago.

You must crumble like greek statues.

One in four americans has an std. Chlamydia, herpes, garden variety genital swelling-- Rectal fissures.

Diana, are you a time-traveler? Because I don't know how my mother-in-law Could be younger than my wife.

I would never use that much math In complimenting a woman. Their brains can't handle it.

The fighter pilot wrists, the hair like a mature otter's pelt, Shoulders you could ride bareback.

Slip what? Drill him against a wall. Wouldn't mind giving him the old skin flute.

Don't eat that pie, don't eat my fries, don't wear that tie, Don't smell that guy.

I'm sorry, did you just say baloney thighs? Because that's the name of the boat weird al's gonna buy With the money he makes off you...Dumb bitch!

There's nothing you can change pizza to. Because it's already weird.

This ice tea is so strong.

Prius is the latin word for impotence.

There hasn't been a good Non-boat painting in 5,000 years.

Sometimes to prevent monkey business, we must create it. The blocker.

How is taking your mother-in-law Out on a date acting like you?

It's impossible not to have a great time At planet hollywood.

An idea that's off the charts, kemosabe.

Nothing can stop me now. [squeals] It's okay. I'm doing great. Everything's gonna work out.

♪ I eat pizza, I eat cheese ♪ ♪ I eat lots of broccolis ♪ ♪ fart so loud, fart so loud ♪ ♪ yum-yums make me fart so loud ♪

Oh, mr. Subhas, your wife is on the phone. She's making dinner and she wants to know If you found any prosciutto today.

Why are you dressed like a janitor? - It's my new job. - But you just got promoted. - Well, I've had a few setbacks

Medically, it's a neck ridge.

[whispering] I lie to myself. Every morning, when I wake up, I say, 'everything's gonna be okay.' But I'm lying. And I don't know how much longer I can do it.

♪ daddy's fightin' overseas ♪ ♪ lord, keep him safe for mommy, please ♪ ♪ heart so proud ♪ ♪ daddy make my heart so proud ♪

Yankovic! He reversed the parody. He normal al'd us.

You know he was stationed at pearl harbor? During the korean war?

Our love is off the charts, kemosabe.

She made me boink her this morning And at first, I was like, 'please-- She boinks like a dog.

This is a group process, lemon. Don't be an egomaniac.