Jaime

Jaime:I don't think that's how it works, but thank you.

Abbi · Jaime:Please. Help me. Ay, mi amor, what happened to you?

Marla · Jaime:Someone asks if anyone smells something; the smell is identified as 'dookie' — but it's blamed on Jaime, who stepped in something

Jaime:Jaime's hurricane confession: as a child, his pet turtle's private name was the N-word. 'I would say, Come here, [bleep]. I love you, [bleep].'

Ilana · Jaime's boyfriend · Jaime:Instagram filter debate: 'I'm gonna use valencia, is that okay you think?' / 'Everybody uses the valencia' / 'What are you going to use?' / 'The Kelvin' / 'Using the kelv... no, that's silly, for goodness!' / 'For goodness.'

Jaime:Jaime's fake-out: 'I failed the test... and I'm getting deported' — followed by 'Just kidding! I passed!'

Jaime:Jaime flatly: 'You say that about every single white-collar professional.' — calling out Lincoln's pattern

Jaime:Jaime orders a 'gin and vodka maraschino sizzle... with curacao, and a little splash of crème de menthe' — completely making up a drink

Lincoln · Jaime:Lincoln pranks Jaime: 'Hey, cheers to you for becoming a citizen, and also to me — this is my first time on a boat.' / Jaime: 'No, prank, man. I'm a well-to-do dentist, of course I've been on a boat before.'

Jaime · Lincoln:Jaime's elaborate fake Latin American cheers ceremony: 'That is how we cheers in Latin America.' / Lincoln: 'Really?' / Jaime: 'No, man, prank, bitch.'

Jaime:Jaime (American accent): 'I love hamburgers... and I love DUI's.'

Jaime · Frat Guy:The Michigan State Delta Sig guy immediately recognizes Jaime's accent as 'one of us'

Jaime:Jaime: 'That's correct, bro-sef. I was a frat bro upon the campus.'

Jaime:Jaime: 'I wish there could've been like, a Latina one called the Spicy Spice, but this is just a fantasy of mine.'

Jaime:Jaime screaming 'My insulin!' as he runs to them

Jaime:Jaime asking if either of them has a knife 'because me and Lincoln want to become blood brothers'

Jaime:Jaime's closet metaphor: 'Kind of like me in high school. I had a lot of fun though.'

Jaime:Jaime's cure for unrequited attraction: 'You take this tray of the mini cannolis. Through the power of the Italian dessert, she'll come to you.'

Ilana · Jaime:Ilana is suddenly called to present in class — she hasn't prepared; she tries to get Jaime to pull the fire alarm. Jaime: 'I really want to, but I'm trying to become a citizen one day. It's illegal.'

Ilana · Jaime:'Jaime, can you pull the fire alarm again?' 'I really want to, but I'm trying to become a citizen one day. It's illegal.' 'I understand.'

Ilana · Jaime:Ilana gives Jaime a refurbished iPad as a gift; he notes it's not in a box; she explains 'It's like brand new. Except not.'

Jaime:Jaime lectures Ilana about gift-giving etiquette after she gave him a refurbished iPad: 'One could make the argument that if you give a gift, it should be brand new'

Ilana · Jaime:'Now, you gotta get out of here because Abbi's coming and I want her to think she's the only person getting a gift today.' / 'Is hers new?' / 'Get out of here. Go!'

Jaime · Ilana:Jaime's theatrical 'We have bed bugs!' announcement / Ilana's extended scream

Ilana · Jaime:'People like us don't get bed bugs!' / 'Yes, we can. Because we do.'

Ilana · Jaime:'I've been going through a dry spell ever since I cut off my peepee.' / 'We got this from jou, lady.' / 'Jew lady?' / 'You! You!'

Jaime · Ilana:'Okay, then maybe we got them from Abbi.' / 'Don't you dare bring her into this!' / 'I went too far.'

Exterminator · Ilana · Jaime:'Tell me you got a mattress protector.' / 'Yes.' / 'Y-yes.' / 'You lying. You are a liar! Mattress protector!'