Jeremy

Jeremy:Making up a batch of my famous peppercorn and cardamom cider beer. I'm not gonna finish it all myself. You need someone else.

Jeremy:This is a joke shirt. 'Cause I'm a trainer.

Jeremy:Like Shania... Twain.

Jeremy:All right, love you too.

Jeremy · Bevers:Dude, you gotta know someone you can set me up with. You know what? No, I don't. Sorry.

Jeremy:It's like an insect holocaust in here or something. It would make us Mr. and Mrs. Hit... Hitler.

Jeremy:Like Nazis? Yeah, like the... I mean, I just was... Yeah, have a good 24 hours.

Jeremy:Two of my favorite things. Art and Abbi? Um, hamburgers and Abbi.

Abbi · Jeremy:Jeremy tells Abbi she'd be the person he'd give a spare key to, and Abbi immediately crumbles into flustered stammering about 'commitment'

Abbi · Jeremy:Jeremy asks 'Do you mind if I take off my shirt?' and Abbi says 'Where'd you get all that oil from?'

Jeremy:'Now I can put up that shelf.' — Jeremy, dripping with oil, announces the shelf's purpose as though it's totally normal

Jeremy:Jeremy says 'I'm pretty good with the felf shells' — echoing Abbi's malapropism back at her gently

Jeremy:Jeremy: 'I'll do anything if she sings it like that.' — responding to Ilana's absurd song

Jeremy · Abbi:Jeremy and Abbi bond over cooking; Jeremy admits his specialty is 'Egg, mostly.' (singular)

Jeremy:'Okay, uh, this was so fun. I'm gonna go. Glad I kept my shoes on.'

Jeremy · Abbi:Jeremy confronts Abbi about her voicemail: 'That really long voice mail you left me where you asked me out.'

Jeremy · Abbi · Ilana:Jeremy, Abbi, and Ilana all yell 'Listen!' over each other trying to get a word in, then Jeremy breaks through: 'I would love to go out with you on an official... thing.'

Jeremy:Jeremy: 'And I loved your Drew Barrymore impersonation. Amazing.'

Jeremy:Jeremy reveals his apartment has no walls ('I knocked down all the walls. Hate walls.') in response to Abbi's compliment

Jeremy:Jeremy: 'I collected them on the last road trip I took with my terminal dog... miss you, Betsy.'

Jeremy · Abbi:Jeremy: 'My favorite TV show is Six Feet Under, so that's probably why.' / Abbi: 'You haven't seen Six Feet Under?!' / Jeremy: 'Oh, God. You're so lucky.'

Abbi · Jeremy:Jeremy wipes something off Abbi's face as a prelude to their first kiss — the camera cuts to Abbi's internal monologue: 'Oh my God, I'm kissing Jeremy.'

Jeremy:Cut to Jeremy's internal monologue: 'Oh my God, I'm kissing Abbi.' — beat-for-beat parallel

Jeremy · Abbi:Jeremy: 'Do you want to maybe switch? Mix it up a little?' — and then produces a strap-on

Abbi · Jeremy:Abbi misunderstands Jeremy's 'switch' as suggesting they swap partners — 'Oh, you just meant switch positions?'

Jeremy:Jeremy: 'I volunteered to teach some underprivileged kids how to do some woodworking today. I'm running a little bit late.'

Jeremy:Jeremy: 'Listen, stay as long as you want. Have a great day.' [door closes] 'Whoa. I mean, till tonight.'

Jeremy · Abbi:Jeremy retrieves a replacement dildo he bought for Abbi — 'it's not my dildo' — and Abbi's reaction

Abbi · Jeremy:Abbi: 'Mine was a shinjo.' / Jeremy: '$79, I feel it could get the job done.'

Jeremy · Abbi:Jeremy: 'You like your stuff to be specialty and curated. I get it.' / Abbi: 'Like what?' / Jeremy: 'Like, the cider beer, the cardamom? You have a kimono area.'

Jeremy · Abbi:Jeremy: 'Leather is tanned! It's not blown, like glass.' / Abbi: 'Oh, I'm sorry, I'm not a leathersmith.'

Abbi · Jeremy:Real mature! / Also, a fucking ton of people play that song and love it! / Headphones.

Jeremy:You know how when we have sex you tell me not to talk so you can concentrate, which I-I totally get.

Jeremy · Abbi:Awesome sauce. / Oh, you don't have to. / Um, I, uh, I actually finished when you said yes.

Jeremy · Abbi:Oh, my God. Abbi? / Jeremy?

Jeremy · Abbi:Natalie, this is Abbi, my old neighbor. / 'Old'?

Jeremy:Oh, no, no, no. No, no, we're not married. She's not my property.

Jeremy:We're best friends. Soul mates. Co-parents.