Trading Spouses

Father:So, it's like O'Doul's, but for weed.

Father · Baby:Shotgun, little buddy!

Martha:This reminds me of when I was a girl and I used to smoke grass with all the negro jazz musicians.

Man · Martha:Come on, you old bitch.

Jamaican Man:Tastes like the chronic, and yet it's not.

Jamaican Man:Wrong bag, man.

Announcer:From the makers of the 'Crack Patch'.

Dave Chappelle:Dave's intro about And 1 mix tapes

Dave Chappelle:No, he didn't, no, he didn't!

Dave Chappelle:That's the baddest motherfucker I ever seen in my life!

Dave Chappelle:Kobe... you're under arrest.

Dave Chappelle:Rasheed Wallace.

Dave Chappelle:Damon Stoudamire.

Dave Chappelle:Sprewell...

Dave Chappelle:Paul Pierce... Oh, ah.

Dave Chappelle:Every pro athlete ever.

Dave Chappelle:Wilt Chamberlain.

Dave Chappelle:Dennis Rodman. Oh, hell, no.

Dave Chappelle:OJ...

Dave Chappelle:Long fart sequence with diarrhea song

T-Mart · Todd:Mr. Deez? Deez nuts! I-I don't understand.

Leonard:Hell no. Only your mama calls me daddy.

Leonard · Todd Jr.:Here, mop top, take my bag up to my room. And if I find out you been going through my shit, I'm gonna beat you in your ass, you understand?

Leonard · Sharron:I don't smell no dinner cooking. Run on, make some grits.

Leonard:What the fuck is a parsnip?

Leonard:Well, just so you know, his ass will be back april 13th.

Leonard · Sharron:You better check your tone, girl, get your inside voice on before I put your ass outside, mm.

Leonard:Well, go on upstairs and wash your ass and then we'll watch Martin Lawrence.

Leonard:Who the fuck is Renee 'Zellwedger'?

T-Mart:Time-out is sweet! Halle Berry, here I come.

Todd · T-Mart:You're going on time-out. For 15 minutes, okay? Yeah... Starting now, T-Mart. Time-out!

Todd Jr.:G-g-g-g-g-g... G-Unit.

Leonard:that Leonard Washington is glad he made it out, go on.

Leonard:And if you need money, sell rocks, I heard that's what they do around here.

Leonard:Damn, bitch, what's this, a light saber or something?

Todd:Actually, I'd feel more comfortable if I just pulled my penis through this hole.

Leonard:I'm sorry, baby, I don't go South of the border. That's just one thing that Leonard Washington don't do.

Leonard:Now, I done heard of trimming the hedges, but you done scorched the earth.

Leonard:I smell your light saber.

Leonard:Bitch, I'll never forgive you for this.

Leonard:All right, I'ma tell you right now, I ain't crazy, I don't need no psychiatrist. And if you ever tell anybody I've been in here, I'll fuckin' kill ya.

Leonard:Well then, confidentially, I am crazy, and I'll fuckin' kill ya.

Todd:And for the first time in my life... I tasted brown sugar, and not in my oatmeal.

Leonard:Speaking of which, I learned that white people don't use washcloths. Did you know that?

Leonard:Every time I used it, somebody else's pubic hair was in it. So use the cloth. Why your ass got to put the raw bar of soap in your butt and all this?

Sharron:Although the penis-through-the-hole thing was kind of weird. And I am missing some of my draw's.

Todd:Titty residue...

Dave · Woman:How old are you? I'm 35. I'm 27. Damn!