Fisticuffs

Dave Chappelle:Man, y'all, my album collection just keeps growing. I just got that 50 Cent. Damn! It's hot! He got the streets on fire.

Funkmaster Flex impression:my man Fisticuff rules the streets. And if you haven't heard that joint, 'Turn My Headphones Up'

Fisticuff:Turn my headphones up! I'm serious, nigger, turn them shits up! Turn 'em up! Hold up... I'm serious, nigger, I can't hear outta this ear

Fisticuff:I stabbed a brother in the neck with a butter knife for Fisticuff. Just 'cause.

Fisticuff:It ain't goin' platinum, it's goin' double uranium, son. Uranium, ya heard?

Fisticuff:Hold up, nigger, I can't hear out of my left headphone. This one, nigger, this is my left, turn it up!

Fisticuff:I'ma sayin', nigger, you can't just put velvet in the shit and think they nice headphones!

Testimonial voice:His lyrics are so tight, they don't even have to rhyme.

Testimonial voice:the word on the street is late night, one night in the ghetto, my man got shot in his ear like, eight times.

Fisticuff:Well, how the fuck do you expect me to rhyme if I can't talk, nigger? I'm thirsty. What is this, jail, motherfucker?

Fisticuff:Not for real, nigger, I'm sayin' on the paper, I'm writin'!

Billy:Really? Where, mommy?

Dave Chappelle:Oh... ah, 1-0, 1-0. That's two, that's me. Two up... not for long. Oh... okay. Come on, Billy. Damn! Hooray for me!

Dave Chappelle:All right, fine, you little bitch. You ain't scorin' no more, though.

Dave Chappelle:Children is our future, my ass! I'm the future, I'm the future.

Dave Chappelle:I got Playstation, I'm rich. I'm rich, bitch.

Dave Chappelle:You pick them little sticks up, white boy, and get to the game.

Dave Chappelle:Billy is getting his ass whupped on street hoops, I need a witness.

Dave Chappelle:Here, grab your sticks, come on, let's go. Let's go, I'm whuppin' that ass now, almost done.

Dave Chappelle:Oh, Billy, I shoulda left you dead, baby, 'cause that, that was a killer.

Dave Chappelle:You can beat cancer but if you wanna beat it, you gotta be tough, okay? And I see it in you, Billy, you're gonna make it.

Dave Chappelle:Hell no, nigger, you play like a bitch!

Dave Chappelle:Half Baked sucked, anyway.

Dave Chappelle:Yeah, I was trying to buy a Gremlin? Eh? Ha ha, I'm just playin' with you.

Old Shop Owner:Ah, for you, I give it to you for 100. It has special powers. It will show you things some would pay not to see.

Shop Owner:Ah, for you, I give it to you for 100.

Dave Chappelle:Oh, snap, it gets Comic View?

Dave Chappelle:Fine, you can't come outside 'cause if it don't work, I'ma be out there and whup your monkey ass.

Carson Daly (inner thoughts):Will you little fuckers shut up?! How excited can you really be for a video you've seen 58 times in a row? Fuck!

Carson Daly:How excited can you really be for a video you've seen 58 times in a row?

Party guest (inner thoughts):Man, I look like that 7-Up guy. Them white girls gonna come flockin'. Damn! I've been waiting out here for 45 minutes.

Woman (inner thoughts):Oh, I knew I should have brought a prettier friend. God, get surgery, bitch, you're so ugly.

Party guest (inner thoughts):Whoa, I think this Ecstasy's starting to kick in. Am I freaking out? No... yeah. Man, this bitch next to me needs surgery.

Dave Chappelle:Also, I have a show on Comedy Central, Wednesdays, 10:30.

Mike (inner thoughts):Don't you want me, son?

White man (inner thoughts):And one and two, and one and two. Resume, look cool, and make my face look na-tur-al.

Dave Chappelle (inner thoughts):I should just turn this thing off and masturbate on the internet like I planned to.

Waiter (inner thoughts):I gotta stop drinking.

Dave Chappelle:'Champion Dave Chappelle receives 31/4 stars' remember that, Ed McMahon? God rest his soul, I'm out.

Tyrone Biggums:Oh, oh... Oh, a camera, ooh-whee! What these buttons do? I want some crack.