The Lost Episodes: Part 2

Donnell Rawlings · Charlie Murphy:Wait, wait, wait. I don't think he's coming. Oh. Let's start the show.

Charlie Murphy as Dean:We're going to Cancun for spring break!

Charlie Murphy as Dean:I'm gonna kick open the door of the oval office, and I'm gonna chop that motherfucking desk in half! Bah!

Charlie Murphy as Dean:And then we're going straight into my bedroom, I'm gonna grab my wife like this, and we're like, 'byah!'

Charlie Murphy as Dean in debate:his greasy granny has holes in her panties! Byah!

Charlie Murphy as Dean:Byah! I love lesbians! Byah!

Charlie Murphy:Yo, I studied that tape like a graduate student.

Charlie Murphy:In the background, Eddie Griffin is on television.

ALF:Hey, Dave, it's me, alf. Great work!

Charles Barkley · Dave:Charles barkley? You need some help there? No, no, watch me take it to the hole.

Marla Gibbs · Dave:Hello, David. Marla Gibbs? Yes, it's me, Dave. Ah... Oh... Ah... Byah!

Charlie Murphy:Gary Coleman was a security guard. Yeah. Would he protect you from your nuts on down?

Gary Coleman:Miss, please, I'm busy at work right now, and I really don't like doing that anymore. Thank you. I'm so sorry.

Fan:That's why your broke ass ain't famous now, fuckin' midget.

Gary Coleman:What you--what you--! Byah!

Gary Coleman:What you talkin' about, bitch?

Dave · Racist Pixie:Ooh-wee! Chicken! Go on, order you a big bucket, nigga, and take a bite! You black motherfucker!

Racist Pixie:Oh, it's fried. Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelu-hallelu-hallelujah! You big-lipped bitch!

Racial Pixie:¶ Make way for the bird ¶ make way for the bird ¶

Dave · Racist Pixie:¶ Catfish, catfish ¶ it is not catfish, nigga. ¶ Catfish ¶

Dave:Never thought I'd say this, but I'm embarrassed.

Dave Chappelle:Never thought I'd say this, but I'm embarrassed.

Hispanic Pixie:Be strong. Come on, homes, it's fucking leopard, man. Leopard!

Hispanic Pixie:Santa Maria! Jesus! Do it! It's leopard! Illegal leopard!

Asian Pixie:Carr her rara. Herro, rara.

Asian Man · Asian Pixie:You have disgraced my famiry. I aporogize!

Charlie Murphy as Asian man:I aporogize!

White Pixie:Well, you better hit 'em with their own vernacular. Makes them feel more comfortable.

White Pixie:Tell him it's his birthday. Then tell him you don't give a fuck that it's his birthday.

White Pixie:What ever happened to some good old-fashioned pancake butt? Now, that's what mom used to make. Nice and flat.

White Pixie:Nice and flat. No cup; It's not necessary. And the line starts all the way at the bottom. Not even like a line. Like a tiny incision, if you will.

White Pixie:¶ The reflex is a lonely child ¶

Audience member:Jew-tang clan!

Jewish Audience Member:I always overpay just so nobody brings up the stereotype.

Donnell Rawlings:Pony? See? Black bitches always be hitting on you! That's the pixie! She don't even know me, and she beat me up!

Donnell Rawlings:See? Black bitches always be hitting on you! That's the pixie!

Audience Member:You know we like chicken. Everybody likes chicken, so for it to be a black stereotype that we like fried chicken is, you know, it's not right.

Donnell Rawlings:Tom cruise look-alike motherfucker right here.

Donnell Rawlings:Fuck all that scientology shit.

Audience Member · Donnell Rawlings:And watermelon is a delicious fruit. See? See? There you go.

Donnell Rawlings:not as funny as that jacket is. I'm just saying! I'm just saying!

Audience member:If I see an Asian person, if I say, 'where you from?' And they're like, 'Connecticut,' I'm like, 'you know what I'm talking about.'

Audience member:it's light and crispy, yes.

White Pixie:Don't let that scare you. That is the bane of our existence, the black penis. And, remember, no matter how big his dick is, at least you run the God damn world.

White Pixie:I'm gonna take a look at your tax return. You must've made a lot of money if you can see me.

Donnell Rawlings:I'm rich, biyatch! Honk! Honk!

Donnell Rawlings:We don't know what the fuck you just said. But you on tv, son. Fuck it, man.