The Lost Episodes: Part 2

Donnell Rawlings · Charlie Murphy:The show starts without Dave Chappelle; Donnell Rawlings and Charlie Murphy awkwardly wait, then decide to just start without him

Howard Dean (impersonation):Charlie Murphy plays the Howard Dean 'I Have a Scream' speech in its original form — Dean's unhinged rally cry going through dozens of states ending with 'Yah!'

Dave (as Howard Dean):The 'Dave Howard Dean' version escalates the state list to include Cancun for spring break, Montreal, Vancouver — going international — before threatening to 'chop the desk in half'

Dave (as Howard Dean):Dave-as-Dean: 'I'm gonna kick open the door of the oval office, and I'm gonna chop that motherfucking desk in half! Bah!'

Dave (as Howard Dean):'And then I'm gonna wash up. I'm gonna wash up. And I'm gonna be like this, Byah!' — post-sex hygiene gets the warrior yell

Dave (as Howard Dean):'Good night! Thud!' — Dean falls asleep with the same triumphant finality, collapsing like a warrior finally at rest

Dave (as Howard Dean):Dave-as-Dean in the VP debate pivots from Cheney's lesbian daughter to 'his mom's a lesbian, and his sister's a lesbian, and his greasy granny has holes in her panties! Byah!'

Dave (as Howard Dean):'Byah! I love lesbians! Byah! I watched the L-Word on Showtime! Byah!'

Dave (as Howard Dean):Dean breaks into a rap about his tax policy with 'Byah' interjected throughout, performed in the VP debate

Donnell Rawlings:Donnell Rawlings: 'Yo, I studied that tape like a graduate student'

Donnell Rawlings:The discovery that Eddie Griffin was visible on TV in the background of the Paris Hilton sex tape — 'they makin' love to Eddie Griffin'

ALF (parody) · Couple:The sex scene sketch parody: a couple is having sex with an ALF rerun on in the background. ALF breaks the fourth wall to congratulate the man.

Dave · Woman:The woman demands Dave turn off the TV because ALF is watching them; Dave says 'I need a minute, girl' — putting off his partner to keep watching ALF

Charles Barkley (TV):Charles Barkley appears on TV during sex, misses a free throw, and then offers coaching: 'You need some help there? Watch me take it to the hole.'

TV Celebrity:The TV celebrity (unclear who) says 'At least I can button my lip. You need a heavy-duty zipper' — directed at Dave during sex

Marla Gibbs (TV) · Dave:Marla Gibbs (Florence from The Jeffersons) appears on TV and Dave reacts with escalating horror: 'Marla Gibbs? Ah... Oh... Ah... Byah!'

Marla Gibbs (parody) · Dave Chappelle (character):Marla Gibbs (Florence from The Jeffersons) appearing on TV: 'Hello, David.' Dave reacts with shock and screams 'Byah!'

Charlie Murphy:Charlie Murphy asks: 'Gary Coleman was a security guard. Would he protect you from your nuts on down?'

Gary Coleman (Dave) · Fan (woman):Gary Coleman in the sketch insists on his authority as security guard, then an excited fan asks him to say 'What you talkin' about?' and he refuses, saying it's 'a little painful for me'

Fan (woman):After Gary's heartfelt refusal to say the catchphrase, the fan responds: 'You's an asshole. That's why your broke ass ain't famous now, fuckin' midget.'

Gary Coleman (Dave):Gary radios in: 'Red eagle, this is Gary. I'm gonna have to take a little time-out. A little time-out for Gary.' — then presumably goes and beats up the woman

Gary Coleman (Dave) · Fan (woman):Visual gag: Gary Coleman physically fighting the woman who insulted him — the full brawl plays out silently with 'Byah!' punctuation

Unknown (bystander/Gary):'Not the fish tank! Not the fish tank!'

Gary Coleman (Dave):'What you talkin' about, bitch?' — Gary finally delivers the catchphrase, but directed at the shoplifter as a triumphant putdown

Donnell Rawlings:Donnell introduces the 'racially insecure' premise: 'Have you ever been in a situation where you may have felt, like, racially insecure?'

Dave · Inner Racist Pixie:Dave on an airplane: flight attendant offers fish or chicken. His inner racist 'pixie' immediately goes: 'Chicken! Go on, order you a big bucket, nigga, and take a bite! You black motherfucker!'

Dave · Inner Racist Pixie · Flight Attendant:Dave orders fish instead; the pixie screams 'You son of a bitch! You don't want no fish!' Then the flight attendant says they're all out of fish. Pixie: 'Back in the game, baby! But the chicken's quite good.' / 'You can't beat fate, nigga! Get the chicken!'

Inner Racist Pixie · Dave:The flight attendant reveals the chicken is fried. Pixie breaks into 'Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelu-hallelu-hallelujah!' Dave: 'You big-lipped bitch!'

Dave · Neighbor · Inner Racist Pixie:The chicken arrives with full orchestral fanfare — '¶ Make way for the bird ¶' — and the man in the next seat gives up his fish voluntarily

Inner Racist Pixie · Dave:The pixie starts singing '¶ Catfish, catfish ¶' about the meal. Dave: 'It is not catfish, nigga.' Pixie keeps insisting '¶ Catfish ¶'

Ying Yang Twins (parody) · Charlie Murphy:Ying Yang Twins' MTV Cribs segment: one twin says 'Show 'em the monkeys!' — Charlie Murphy visibly recoils: 'Never thought I'd say this, but I'm embarrassed.'

Charlie Murphy · Hispanic Pixie:Charlie introduces a 'Spanish reggaeton pixie' — the sketch extends the racial pixie concept to a Hispanic version

Hispanic Pixie:Hispanic pixie urges a Latino man to buy leopard skin seat covers. The man resists. Pixie: 'Come on, homes, it's fucking leopard, man. Leopard! How can you resist? Leopard.'

Hispanic Pixie:The salesman adds a Jesus air freshener for free with the illegal leopard seat covers; the pixie responds: 'Santa Maria! Jesus! Do it!'

Hispanic Pixie:Pixie, fully committed: 'It's leopard! Illegal leopard!'

Charo · Hispanic Pixie:Charo appears to the pixie and offers cocaine: '¿Quieres cocaína? Sí, me gusta.' Then is denounced: '¡Una mala influencia! ¡El diablo!'

Asian Pixie:Asian pixie to LaLa: 'Carr her rara.' LaLa says 'Hello.' Pixie responds: 'Herro, rara. Herro, rara.'

Asian Pixie · Yoshi · Asian Elder:The pixie has apparently convinced Yoshi to kiss 'Lara' — then an elderly Asian man appears: 'You have disgraced my famiry.' / 'I aporogize!'

Asian Pixie:'That hurt very bad.' / 'I see soft place to die.'

White Pixie · Phil (white man):White pixie section: Phil at a party is coached by his pixie on how to interact with Black people: 'Well, you better hit 'em with their own vernacular. Makes them feel more comfortable.'

White Pixie:Phil at the party sees a woman with a large backside and the white pixie goes into an extended lament: 'My God, Phil, don't touch it! Look at all that meat. It's superfluous. Jingling and jangling. What ever happened to some good old-fashioned pancake butt?'

White Pixie:White pixie advises Phil to ask a Black woman to dance, but warns it's a trap — she'll do 'shaky moves.' Pixie's advice: 'Whatever you do, you start dancing first. Just hit her with the twist. Works every time. Fast songs, slow songs.'

White Pixie character:White Pixie: 'This goddamn beat. Keep twisting, Phil, for God's sakes. Don't freak her! Damn this B.E.T.'

White Pixie · Phil:The beat drops to something danceable and the white pixie panics: 'Damn this B.E.T. You look so comfortable, Phil. Whatever happened to some good old-fashioned rock 'n' roll?' — then the music shifts to Duran Duran's 'The Reflex'

Donnell Rawlings · Charlie Murphy:Meta-segment: Donnell and Charlie reveal Dave had 'problems with the pixie sketch' — they didn't know whether to air it, so they asked the audience

Jewish Audience Member · Crowd:Jewish audience member says: 'I'm Jewish, and whenever I go out, and whenever there's a bill to be split up, I always overpay just so nobody brings up the stereotype.' Crowd responds: 'Jew-tang clan!'

Charlie Murphy:'Jew-tang clan!'

Audience Member (male) · Monique:A woman in the audience gives a thoughtful comment. Donnell asks her name — 'Monique' — and another audience member mishears it as 'Pony' and yells: 'See? Black bitches always be hitting on you! That's the pixie! She don't even know me, and she beat me up!'

Black Woman Audience Member:A Black woman audience member: 'I feel like it's derogatory to black and Spanish people, but it plays on the good stereotypes of white people... to play on the 'we like chicken, and we like shuckin' and jive.' You know we like chicken.' / 'Everybody likes chicken, okay?'

Black Audience Member (Olu) · Donnell Rawlings:Black audience member recounts: his co-workers 'say certain things that... 'Nigger, where's the weed?' No, like—' / Donnell: 'That's okay, dog.'

Donnell Rawlings · Gary (audience):Donnell spots a Tom Cruise look-alike in the audience: 'Tom Cruise look-alike motherfucker right here. Stand up. What's your name? Gary.' — then: 'Fuck all that scientology shit.'

Audience Member (Gary) · Donnell Rawlings:Another audience member says: 'And watermelon is a delicious fruit.' / Donnell: 'See? See? There you go.'

Audience Member (heckler):Mid-way through an audience member's passionate comment, someone interjects: 'I thought it was funny, 'cause, you know — not as funny as that jacket is.'

Donnell Rawlings:After a Black man in the audience makes an enthusiastic but nearly incoherent comment, Donnell: 'You black — you don't got to explain shit. You just hit a couple 'know what I means.' You know what I mean? It was like — I was like, yo. So it was like, bla-dow! A'ight?'

Donnell Rawlings:Donnell on inner racism: 'I got an inner racism in me. If I see an Asian person, if I say 'Where you from?' And they're like, 'Connecticut,' I'm like, 'you know what I'm talking about.''

Audience Member (Hispanic man) · Donnell Rawlings:An audience member comments: 'The only problem is, yeah, you included everybody, but the white race is seen as more of like the generic race.' / Donnell: 'It wasn't hard enough for you. You felt that it was the softest one.'

Audience member:Audience member on inner racism: 'If I see an Asian person, if I say, where you from? And they're like, Connecticut — I'm like, you know what I'm talking about.'

Audience Member · Donnell Rawlings:Audience member is on a roll about the sketch: 'Because, you know, fried chicken, it's all light, but some of the issues —' / Donnell (offscreen): 'It's light and crispy, yes.'

White Pixie 2 · White Man (locker room):Second white pixie revealed: a nervous white man in a locker room is confronted by his pixie, who tells him: 'Don't let that scare you. That is the bane of our existence, the black penis.'

Second White Pixie:'And, remember, no matter how big his dick is, at least you run the God damn world.'

White Pixie 2:White pixie on encountering a Black man's genitalia in the locker room: 'Yuck. Ah, it stinks. It stinks. Don't you worry. Must've drank a 40 ounce.'

White Pixie 2 · Black Man (locker room):White Pixie 2: 'I'm a pixie.' — delivered after the 40 ounce rationalization, apparently visible to the Black man

White Pixie 2 · Black Man (locker room):Black man to white pixie: 'Can you see me?' / Pixie: 'Yeah, I can see you. Well, listen, this is an 'A' and 'B' conversation, so why don't you just 'C' your way out of it. Saw that on one of your negro shows, Martin.'

Black Man (locker room) · White Pixie 2:'And why don't you see these nuts? They're in your piss. It burns! My eyes! My Dickies!'

White Pixie 2:White Pixie 2, defeated: 'You might have won this time, nigger. I don't know how you saw me. I'm gonna take a look at your tax return. You must've made a lot of money if you can see me. Woogie boogie!'

Second White Pixie:White Pixie: 'You might have won this time, nigger. I don't know how you saw me. I'm gonna take a look at your tax return. You must've made a lot of money if you can see me. Woogie boogie!'

Donnell Rawlings:Donnell after the second white pixie reveal: 'I forgot I did that.' — then asking the audience: 'Does that change anything now that you see we did — he did two? No change? Nothing? What if he did 100 white pixies? Would that change anything?'

Donnell Rawlings:Final sign-off: 'I'm rich, biyatch! Honk! Honk!'

Audience Member · Donnell Rawlings:Post-credits: An audience member tries to make a point about calling friends on the phone and 'keeping it real,' becomes increasingly incoherent ('Like, you know, you gonna be, like, real professional. Like, I have a friend, like, I have my and myself...'). Donnell: 'We don't know what the fuck you just said. But you on tv, son.'

Donnell Rawlings:Donnell's mock impersonation/translation of the incoherent audience member: 'You know, my friend, like, fuck it, like, yo, man. Buy my album. It's coming out 2009. I'm going platinum for the Chappelle's Show, bitch.'