Irma Kostroski

Irma:I do not like being tapped, and I will not tap a stranger.

Larry · Irma · Audience Member:You're talking. / No, you're talking. / You're talking, and you keep talking!

Larry · Irma:Have you ever thought about maybe running for, uh, senator, or congresswoman? Uh, no? What about a congresswoman? I don't wanna move to D.C. Too cold.

Larry · Irma:Oh, but don't tell me it's with an 'E.' 'Erm'? With an... No, an 'I.' I have to go.

Irma · Larry:Gas here, you know? I get a bubble. Oh, you get a bubble? Yeah. Larry with a 'Y'? Yeah. Yeah, funny.

Irma:He's gonna make 'em homed. Homed!

Irma:He respects wood.

Irma:You never pee when you canvass.

Irma:I know how we lost by one vote. Larry David thought the line was too long, so he didn't vote.

Irma:One vote. Your fault.

Irma:But not tonight. I'm finishing a cleanse. I'm preparing for colonoscopy.

Irma:One vote.

Larry · Irma:Market salad. He hates us. - I do not like him at all. - He hates me.

Larry · Irma:Oh. Oh, God. No. - Yeah, see I told you. Look at that.

Larry · Irma:It's a crazy law. Huh? It's a safety thing you... you... You know, you gotta put a fence around your pool. - Why? That doesn't make any...

Irma:I haven't had sex with anyone in 13 years. Just a little heads up, you know?

Irma:I've laid fallow, it's like whistling into the Sahara up there.

Irma · Larry:Can I borrow your toothbrush? Not so sure about that. Don't think that's a great idea.

Larry · Irma:It's like a stretchy... It's... It's orlon. - No, it's cashmere. - It's cashmilon.

Irma:I'm eating all this. I'm nervous, You know, it's been like... It was a big night for me and now I have gas.

Irma:Listen to me, Larry. You're old and you're bald. I can get past that, but I don't think I can schtup somebody my daughter doesn't like.

Leon · Irma:All this stuff is going to the same place. Fuckin' dump, a big pile of fuckin' trash and shit... With seagulls flyin' over that shit.

Irma:It's one plastic bottle's journey from Milan to Minsk.

Irma · Larry:You can choke a dolphin, Leon? I don't think you want to. No, he doesn't wanna choke a dolphin. You don't wanna choke a dolphin.

Irma:He's such a smart guy. It's just he's... He has a lot of energy, but he kinda delusional. He has all of these theories that just make no sense.

Irma:You don't stop talking about repealing the law.

Irma · Larry:Vaginal rejuvenation surgery. What? A tightening, a lifting, you know, the labial lips, I'd like them evened out.

Irma:I love my daughter, Larry, but she destroyed me down here... When she was born. And you know what they tell you to do? Kegel, Kegel, Kegel... You know what? Does not work.

Irma:When I get excited, I jump up suddenly, like at a sports game or something, a little, little, little, little pee-pee escapes.

Irma:I wanna wear white pants with you, so the whole thing is such a win-win for you... For me, sexually, you know, medically. But, you know, it's not just for me. It's for us, isn't it?

Irma:Oh, fufu surgery, a designer vagina!

Larry · Irma:What? The bowl!

Irma:I looked things up, I saw some of the images on the computer of inflammation and hematomas and I...

Irma:I wish I could... Talk to somebody who's had it done.

Irma · Susie:Did you get the labial reconstruction too? The labia, the... The clitoris, they unhooded it? You had the hood taken... Yeah, yes, it made everything better. I don't know the details. Yeah, yeah, they took the hood off the clitoris.

Irma · Susie · Larry:Susie... could I, you know, take a look? At my vagina? Yeah, she... she's got to get going, uh, you know, she'll show you the vagina another time.

Irma:Well, Susie gave me a little sneak peek and... ...I do not want any part of that. It was like a... a melted cave.

Larry · Irma:So, y... you're not getting the surgery? No. We wouldn't be able to make love for six weeks. That'd be a torture. A torture, right? Well, no.

Irma · Larry:This is a breakfast nook. - It is a puzzle corner! You are crowding the nook!

Irma · Leon:Yes. We are in a beautiful relationship, and you... ever heard the expression 'third wheel'? How about 'two's company, three's a crowd'? That's wrong. It's Three's Company.

Leon · Irma:Now, don't be surprised if this thousand-piece puzzle turns into a 999-piece puzzle. - You would not dare.

Leon · Irma:Here kitty, kitty, kitty. - Hey, hey, hey! - Here kitty, kitty, kitty.

Irma:It's... It's him or it's me.

Irma:What's more beautiful than castrated boys singing? It's so beautiful.

Irma:Oh, my opa! Oh! He's sending me a sign! His shoes. Oh, my God!

Irma:Pass the latkes, because Marsha Lifshitz is here!

Waitress · Larry · Jeff · Irma:The breakfast menu cutoff at exactly 11:00 AM

Irma:And then it gives men breasts. You know, Larry could grow breasts.

Larry · Irma · Jeff:Larry's violent objection to couples therapy contrasted with Irma's recovery needs

Larry · Irma:The J.G. Wentworth commercial singing between Larry and Irma

Irma:He has a thing about phallic-shaped vegetables... I see him just stroking, stroking an eggplant.

Irma · Larry · Melanie:Irma's graphic description of Larry stroking phallic vegetables

Irma:I walked into the council chamber naked, and all I remember is the air on my nipples and the looks of admiration and horror.

Irma:I should've gotten the eggs. I was rushed into pancakes.

Freddy · Irma:Freddy's fake Groat's disease performance with graphic symptoms

Freddy · Irma:And you'll have to hold my penis when I pee. - Ay, gevalt.

Freddy · Irma:You like it? Listen. Please, take it. Please, it's the least I can do. - Oh, please, no. - No, please. It's the least... - What? Really?