The Mormon Advantage

Actors on set:It's your line. - No, it's not. - Uh, wait... - Let's cut. Uh, that'll be a cut.

Larry:It can't really get any worse. It really can't, but it is.

Larry:I cannot wait to kick him out of this stage. Look at him sitting in my chair.

Ted Danson · Larry:So your note is that we remove Ted Danson from the scene so that there's more Maria Sofia?

Larry · Ted Danson:By the way, you know you're sitting in my chair? Yeah, I saw Maria has one too. So why don't you sit in her chair? - Well, that's where she sits.

Unknown actor · Larry:You... You'll find out. - I can't wait, man. Spill it. - Yeah, I know. Yeah, you're gonna find out. Something's going on.

Stan:Once you rope it, there's no turning back. I mean, that follows you around forever.

Stan:You ever seen all about Sir John Gielgud? When he was shooting Julius Caesar, he had 'em rope off the chair. He didn't work again for four years.

Stan:You don't want to be another Sir John Gielgud, do you?

Larry · Stan:Rope it, Stan. - Rope it.

Stan · Larry:So what'll it be, Larry? - Hmm? - Rope it, Stan. - Rope it. - All right.

Irma · Larry:This is a breakfast nook. - It is a puzzle corner! You are crowding the nook!

Larry · Leon:Why are you eating potato chips for breakfast? Leon eats potato chips in the morning. That's me talking in the third person.

Leon:My first person loves 'em, my second person, and my third Leon person love potato chips in the morning!

Irma · Leon:Yes. We are in a beautiful relationship, and you... ever heard the expression 'third wheel'? How about 'two's company, three's a crowd'? That's wrong. It's Three's Company.

Leon:With one guy and two girls in the same apartment.

Leon:The Regal Beagle! Regal Beagle!

Leon · Irma:Now, don't be surprised if this thousand-piece puzzle turns into a 999-piece puzzle. - You would not dare.

Leon · Irma:Here kitty, kitty, kitty. - Hey, hey, hey! - Here kitty, kitty, kitty.

Irma:It's... It's him or it's me.

Larry:However, um, it pains me to say this, but... you're gonna have to leave for a few days.

Leon:Oh, I see. You're choosing her over me.

Leon:I got another Mary Ferguson coming here, okay? From Arizona.

Leon · Larry:People fall in love with their motherfuckin' captors and shit. Something called, s... Uh... uh... Stockholm... - Stockholm syndrome? You Stockholm tappin'. That's what the fuck you doin'.

Larry · Jeff:How'd you like to wake up in the morning and have a smoothie waiting for you? - I'd like that, yeah. - Really. - Really? Leon? - Really. Well, no, not really. I... I kind of made that up.

Larry:If you have healthy food in the house, he will not touch it. And that is a guarantee! No fruits or vegetables will be touched.

Larry · Susie:How'd your vagina surgery go? I haven't even asked. - It was good. It went well. - So you got a new vagina? - I have a new vagina.

Larry · Susie · Jeff:Would you consider maybe, uh... me sampling your wares? Is that possible? - My vagina? - Yes! - Would you mind? - Not at all, feel free.

Jeff · Larry:You know, I'm picturing your kitchen, with the... You do have that big island. We could do a buffet... What are you humming? - You know the Oscar acceptance speech, when they go on too long? So they have to cue 'em to get off stage? That's the music they play.

Larry:I'm playing you off! Cutting you off!

Larry · Leon:He just touched my penis with his penis. - Really? - Yeah, our penises connected.

Larry:You have to get your butt back. You hug a woman, your butt goes back. Isolate the penis.

Larry · Leon:There's never been a moment of my life that I did not have total penis awareness. - It's subconscious, by the way. - Of course, yeah. Total.

Larry · Leon:You know, is it... Is she dead, Nadia Comaneci? - I don't even know. - Who? Uh, Nadia Comaneci. - Yeah. - Oh. I don't know. Strange. Hmm.

Jeff · Leon:This is crazy! I thought you're staying a few days. What is this? - This is all my stuff.

Leon:I'm asking you to lift it up with your hands, not your vagina.

Jeff · Leon:No, no, no. I just had surgery, I don't do any heavy lifting. I'm asking you to lift it up with your hands, not your vagina.

Leon:Hey, if you want a brother, you know, put some nice highway miles on that motherfucker, let me know.

Unknown crew member · Larry:Roped off your chair, huh? - Yeah. I did. - Not a good idea, buddy.

Ted Danson · Larry:Roped off your chair, huh? - Yeah. I did. - Not a good idea, buddy.

Crew member:Humphrey Bogart roped off on High Sierra. No one on that crew ever worked with him again.

Crew member:Nobody likes a roper, man.

Stan:My uncle Michael wanted to say hello. He used to work for you on Seinfeld... So he went back. He's got about 60 acres of land, about 65 miles outside Dublin, a place called Goy.

Council member:Don't five-foot fence me in!

Larry · Micah:How many wives do you have? - Just one, just Melinda. - Just one? I mean, you got this incredible opportunity to get three or four or whatever.

Larry:It's like a tall guy who doesn't play basketball.

Larry:It's like a manager with a pitching staff. Don't you want a break? When she goes away for a weekend, aren't you secretly thrilled?

Irma:What's more beautiful than castrated boys singing? It's so beautiful.

Leon · Mary Ferguson:Love a different bed! - Whoo! Oh, yeah! - Whoo!

Larry:It's gonna be a fucking nightmare, Jeff! This guy's a fuck machine!

Larry:You came in penis first. You gotta get the penis back.

Larry:See what's going on here? You see the separation? There's a big gap. Our penises aren't locked in mortal combat.

Larry · Walt:That's like enemies hugging. - That's not a hug! That's like an old-time photographer pose.

Larry:Once it's in, it's done. I mean, I could've had the one shoe option, but is that any better?

Larry:It's better than coming in here with a stinky sneaker in the Holocaust Museum of all places!

Larry:You think I wanna be a roper, huh? You think I wanted to rope off? You think I wanna walk down the street, have people point at me and go, 'There's a roper'?

Larry:Well, I have my monogram on my towels, and Leon jizzed all over 'em.

Larry:Yeah, actually, if you don't want to wear a yarmulke, you can go without shoes.

Leon · Larry:Where's your fucking shoes at, man? - Oh. - Is it a Jewish thing? Yeah, actually, if you don't want to wear a yarmulke, you can go without shoes.

Leon · Vindman:Oh, shit. Who... who fucking knew? - Did you read the book? - Yeah. Two days. - Wow. - I watched the testimony from the beginning to end, twice.

Jeff:Ours is nicer, but we had to have the party here for various reasons. Just trying to be diplomatic.

Micah:I woke up, I was 50 miles outside of Bakersfield, with no pants on and a casino chip in my hand. And I had no idea how I got there.

Micah:I had four Steves and one Eric.

Jeff:Works every time.

Leon:You know what a good book title would be? China and Russia on that Bullshit.

Leon:All you need is five good lies, and it'll take you through the rest of your life. How do you keep your stories straight? Just hang around with dumb people.

Larry:I'd like to make a donation. Nobody's ever seen a donation like this. A large donation like that could make a difference in so many lives.

Larry:Yovanovitch, she's no angel. She's gonna go through some things, believe me.

Larry:There's a lot of talk about Weinblatt's son. His father got him a job at that construction company. You know what they make? Fences!

Larry · Vindman:It was a perfect call. - That call was far from perfect. - No, no, it was perfect! Perfect call!

Vindman · Larry:Where'd you get those shoes? Um... my uncle, uh, was in World War II. He gave them to me. I'm sure you could do better than that, Larry. Okay, my father gave them to me.

Vindman · Larry:You steal shoes from the Holocaust Museum. - It was raining. - You rope off chairs. - It's my chair. - And you bribe councilwomen.

Larry:There's too much duty. You're off duty!

Vindman · Larry:You steal shoes from the Holocaust Museum. It was raining. - You rope off chairs. - It's my chair. - And you bribe councilwomen. - Eh.

Larry:Whatever I did, it wasn't half as bad as your using the upstairs master bathroom! That's the real crime!

Larry:In the... my garage, they were in a box. I think it belonged to a great uncle, from, uh, you know, the old country. You know, my bubbie, my grandfather, Yitzhak Maultsevitch, he wore similar shoes.

Larry · Leon:Your middle name is Luscious? - It's Lucius, but I pronounce it Luscious. Everybody calls me Luscious.

Larry · Mrs. Weinblatt:Len Friebush... Have we ever met? - It's possible I met you at the temple. - I wouldn't forget a handsome man like you.

Larry · Mrs. Weinblatt:We're studying... We're studying Torah. Well, he's not here right now. He's still at work. Ah. Well, that's odd. We made plans.

Larry · Mrs. Weinblatt:Did they go right after the Passover dinner, or did they linger and have coffee and drinks? - Jews linger. - They sit, they talk.

Mrs. Weinblatt:Good, 'cause that's what I have.

Larry:I don't care! Either one! Make it! Make the tea!

Irma:Oh, my opa! Oh! He's sending me a sign! His shoes. Oh, my God!

Larry:There is no law. It's been repealed! Bye!

Irma:Pass the latkes, because Marsha Lifshitz is here!

Council chairperson:Without a majority, the vote to repeal fails.

Flight attendant · Leon · Vindman:Is everything okay? - Oh, everything's great. I'm just so excited to go on this trip with you, Alex. - Call me Colonel.