Susie Greene

Susie · Hotel security:Who is it? - Hotel security, ma'am, open up.

Susie:There's a prowler outside. I'm really scared. I can hear noises.

Susie:I just can't believe that I have to deal with this! He has ransacked our entire house! Do you know what he took, Jeffrey? Do you wanna know what this little shit took?

Susie:Everything's gone! My wedding video is gone because your fat-fuck manager over here let an asshole kid into our house, okay?

Susie · Larry:What the fuck was that about, calling at 10:20 at night the other day? I thought the cut-off was 10:30. You know I have trouble sleeping?

Susie · Larry:Who is this schmuck, fuck-face lawyer you set us up with? I could see how one could interpret that as a serious error in judgment.

Susie:She brought it over from Russia, from a pogrom. She was in steerage. If that's gone, I'm gonna be hysterical. She worked hard all her life to give that to me!

Susie:It's gone, you fucking, motherfucking... I'll kill you, Jeff! You're a cocksucker, motherfucker! My grandmother's brooch is missing. I could not replace this item.

Susie · Larry:What if something you cared about was missing? You don't give a shit about anything! My baseball cards. All right. See? Now, it's not so funny anymore. Mickey Mantle might not be there.

Susie:Like the fucking 3-year-old that you are. 'I don't care about the money.' Will you shut up? Fuck you!

Susie:Like the fucking 3-year-old that you are. 'I don't care about the money.'

Susie:He is such a slimy, spineless creature that he sends you to do his dirty work.

Susie:Freak That Booty, Big Ass Momma, all his favorites.

Susie:He violates me, Larry. He defiles me.

Susie:What the fuck are you doing here? You're supposed to call first!

Susie · Jeff · Larry:You put the shelves up.... I find that hard to believe. He knows a lot about shelving. I put them all up-- Mr. California Closets over here all of a sudden?

Susie:Fat fuck, trying to hide, like you're Mr. Inconspicuous.

Susie:I know you took the doll's head. Where is it?

Susie:The kid is home hysterical... because her doll, Judy, has been decapitated... 'cause you 2 sickos... took the head for God knows what reason... some voodoo shit you're doing. Where is it?

Susie:Stop scratching your balls and tell me where it is! Just get me the fucking head, all right? Both of you, 'cause I've had it, you four-eyed fuck and you fat piece of shit!

Susie · Jeff:Something's not right here. This is not the head. There's something wrong. Sure, it's the head, that's the head.

Susie · Larry:Jeff brought brownies that I made to a dinner party? / Yeah, at my house. / Larry, I baked those brownies specifically for Sammy to take to school the next day, and they were gone.

Susie · Larry:Jeff stole... he stole his child's brownies, Larry. / You see what we're dealing with here? / He stole brownies out of the mouth of his baby.

Larry · Susie:I'll tell you a secret, how about that? Nobody knows, not even Cheryl. / Well, if you'd like to tell me. / I might be losing a testicle. / You're kidding me.

Larry · Susie:It's not The Manhattan Project, you know?! It's just a little... a recipe. / Go get a mix or something! You're asking too much.

Susie:Larry, he's not fat enough as it is? He needs this many?

Martine · Susie:A big bird told me. / You knew I was pregnant? It's bad luck!

Susie:My fall was broken by... 12 sponge-cakes.

Larry · Susie · Jeff:Larry refusing the house tour with 'You know, it's bedrooms, bathrooms... I get it'

Susie:Susie's explosive reaction: 'Get the fuck out of my house, okay? Get the fuck out right now!'

Susie:'Freak of fucking nature, doesn't want a house tour'

Susie:You're lying, or you're lying. One of you two assholes is lying, I just don't know which one.

Susie:You lying piece of shit! Out of my house! And wait till I get my hands on that goddamn Larry David, the four-eyed fuck. I'll kill him!

Guy · Susie:Fuck you, you car wash cunt! / I had a dental appointment!

Susie · Larry:Susie's shirt reveal and Larry's honest reaction: 'Not quite my cup of tea'

Susie · Larry:Susie's explosive response: 'Fuck you and fuck your tea. Whoever said you had taste, Mr. Hushpuppy-rumpled-suit look?'

Larry · Susie:Larry buying Susie's shirt to make amends with Ben

Larry · Susie:Larry's elaborate justification for wanting the shirt: 'It's like you go to a movie and it kind of stays with you'

Susie · Larry:What are you wearing? What is this, no costume? I want you to change your costume. I don't like that costume.

Susie:Ted Danson connection: 'Is that why Ted Danson didn't want you to take care of his dog?'

Jeff · Susie:You listen and you listen good. You keep that trap shut. What did you do to this dog?! Something's wrong with Oscar!

Susie:The dog bit your penis so you're trying to fucking kill him? Is that what it is?

Susie · Jeff:Wandering Elk, whatever the fuck your name is, you were paid already. No, she's not. You don't get out of my house, I'll get my dog.

Susie:I'm gonna kill him! It's you! You're the tooth fairy!

Susie · Larry:you misanthropic moron! Maybe you shouldn't have propagated this ridiculous myth!

Susie:You're a sick fuck, you know that?

Susie · Jeff · Larry:What are we talking about anyway? Losing what? / They're giving a kidney to Richard Lewis. / Excuse me, you're not giving your fucking kidney.

Susie:He needs his kidney, number one. Number two, he's a fat fuck. He can't even survive the surgery... You are healthy and thin. You're giving the kidney. End of discussion, moot point.

Susie:It was an attraction out of pity 'cause I'm always the one to take in stray animals

Larry · Susie:Boy, what are you feeding this animal? He's as fat as a house. My god, look at the size of him. Like he knows what I'm talking about. You go around calling Jeff a fat fuck. Jeff is a fat fuck. Oscar is just big boned.

Larry · Susie:I told you you're feeding that dog too much. I don't feed him oreos!

Jeff · Susie:Jeff and Susie arriving with the same 'wrong night' excuse

Susie:You love your wives. Fuck you and fuck you.

Susie:You have wrought your semen outside our home, Jeff!

Susie:You masturbate in this house and this house alone! Maybe a hotel.

Susie:You are banned from my house. Get the fuck out! If he's banned, you're banned!

Susie:You choked it on Sammy's teddy bear as some kind of revenge masturbatory payback!

Susie · Larry:Well, that's great, Larry, but I wouldn't take so much credit, because it's not your DNA.

Susie · Jeff:I'm claustrophobic. I can't be anywhere but the end. He hyperventilates

Larry · Susie:The tiny plate at Jeff and Susie's house

Larry · Jeff · Susie:Larry asking Cheryl to 'call me back in 10 minutes' when the plane is potentially going down

Susie:Look at him! Look at him! What the fuck? I'm bald! You like this look? He had a beautiful full head of hair... a mane that I loved and now he looks like you!

Larry · Jeff · Susie:There's nothing wrong with being bald! Sure there is! Yes, there is, Larry!

Susie · Bam Bam:What did you say? What the fuck is she talking about Jeff? What the hell did you do? / You were in bed with me.

Susie:Even Bam Bam is not crazy enough to sleep with you, okay? / Only I am.

Larry · Jeff · Susie:YOU ARE A PICTURE OF HAPPINESS. SHE DOES HAVE A VERY GOOD DISPOSITION. SHE'S BUBBLY. WOULDN'T YOU SAY THAT? BUBBLY. YEAH, I THINK SO.

Susie · Larry:WHAT ARE YOU, A FUCKING DOCTOR? HOW DO YOU KNOW THESE THINGS? I'M A HYPOCHONDRIAC, SO I'M AWARE OF THIS STUFF.

Larry · Susie:NO 'THANK YOU, LARRY, FOR SAVING MY LIFE'? SAVING MY LIFE? HOW'D YOU SAVE MY LIFE? YOU DIDN'T SAVE MY LIFE. I DIAGNOSED YOUR ILLNESS.

Larry · Susie:NEXT TIME I'M NOT GONNA SAY ANYTHING, OKAY?! I'M GONNA KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT AND LET YOU DIE! YOU WANT ME TO DIE? GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE. YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'VE GOT A LITTLE SPOT ON YOUR FOREHEAD. GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE. DON'T GET IT CHECKED OUT. IT'S NOT SKIN CANCER.

Susie · Larry:as our gift to you, is gonna sing a special song. That's a gift? Are you kidding? How is that a gift?

Susie:You ruined the whole gift! That was our gift for god's sake!

Susie:Take your $150... and go buy yourself some fucking pants, will you?

Susie · Larry:You are a selfish motherfucker. I'm selfish? You are. I buy you a fantastic gift, and you take jeff greene? That's $150. So what? That's my $150!

Susie:You squashed the spirit of a talented young girl! You piece of shit! You heartless piece of shit!

Susie:Get up off your fat ass and let's take a walk! It'll be romantic!

Susie · Jeff:What is this, jeff? Whose panties are these? What the fuck is this? It's your car. What are these doing in there? All right, pull the fuck over.

Larry · Susie · Virginia · Dennis:I really have a hard time with 'how we met' stories, okay? So I'm gonna... Well, I wanna hear it. We don't have to tell it. No, you can hear it. I find it cloying and annoying.

Larry · Susie:I have a little problem with my underwear. All of a sudden out of nowhere? What, do you have a new brand or something? Yeah, I do.

Larry · Officer Krupke · Susie:Okay, fine. You don't have to do this here. I don't care. Okay, here. Oh my god! Jesus christ! Who are you? I'm larry david. I happen to enjoy wearing women's panties.

Susie:I respect wood so much that if I had a piece of wood in my hand right now i'd beat the shit out of you with it, okay?

Susie:I'm taking your balls and I'm thumbtacking them to the wall. You're gonna get nothing out of it.

Susie:How in the world, can they dare open up a palestinian chicken restaurant next to the sacred land of that deli?

Larry · Susie:Every time you take a sip... You make this noise-- 'ahh.' I'm enjoying it. Eh. It's kinda annoying.

Sammi · Susie:I told Larry to tell you. 'Cause I told him if he didn't tell you then I'd say something about Eddie and Ilene having an affair. What?! Eddie and Ilene are having an affair?!

Susie:L.O.L., honey! L.O.L.! Fuck you!

Susie:You're fucking Antoinette's mother? That's sick!

Larry · Jeff · Susie:You're throwing for yourselves, I might add. I mean, usually somebody else gives you a going-away party... But you've decided to give one for yourselves.

Larry · Susie:They don't take everybody? She auditioned, Larry.

Larry · Susie:Why do you have to criticize my kid, Larry? I'm not criticizing. I don't think she wants to do it. I think you're pushing her into it.

Larry · Susie:What, are you making fun of me now? Yes. Yes, I am.

Susie:You know what the best thing about going to New York is? I'm not gonna see your face for three months.

Susie:Vow of silence. Took a vow of silence.

Susie:That's never gonna happen. I have too many important things to say.

Susie:She doesn't care about you! You're not the center of the universe! Right now Oscar is! He's gonna die any minute now, okay?

Jeff · Susie:But neither of us have eaten since breakfast. I don't really give a shit about you. I care about Oscar right now, okay? He's in pain. He's gonna die soon. He needs his last meal.

Larry · Susie:You make as much as a regular doctor? Get me the fucking Pinkberry! Just curious. Okay. Just go! Hurry up! Time is of the essence! God.

Jeff · Susie · Larry:They were closed. They're never closed. They're open till, like, midnight. We go after the movies all the time. They-- I'm telling ya-- Korean holiday. A Korean holiday?

Larry · Susie:I wonder if that'll catch on in prisons, you know, when they're about to be electrocuted. Pinkberry makes no sense. Well, why? The Pinkberry'll melt. It'll never get there in time.

Larry · Susie · Jeff:No, it's gross. It's full of my snot. Suz, just give it. Let me just throw it out. No no, just go-- Put the tissue in my hand. You know what? You've gone through enough today you don't need to be looking at garbage.

Susie:At the vet's I wanted to give him his last meal. He loved Pinkberry and Larry and Jeff went to get it and it was closed. And I feel such a sense of guilt.

Vance · Susie:Hey, Larry! I got your little note. Vance? Talking? Hey, Susie, guess what? Larry ate Oscar's Pinkberry! And Jeff was driving! Asshole!

Susie · Larry:Oh boy, am I so glad we're going to New York for three months and not gonna see your face! Mmm.

Larry · Susie:I'm scrunched in here. I want that seat. Oh, fuck you, Larry. I'm the girl. Shut up. You're a girl? You're a witch.

Susie:You two are a couple of schmucks, you know that? This looks like an eighth-grade science experiment, this thing.

Susie:He has to announce it. He can't just do something nice. He has to announce it.

Larry · Susie · Jennifer:You I can understand. You've been married a long time. You could care less about what he does. - You're absolutely correct. - But we've just started dating. And when you first start dating you always do things that are distasteful. - That's part of the process.

Susie:this is why he's a good manager. You should be thankful he's unethical. He's unscrupulous.

Susie:Lar. Lar. Larry! What happened? Where'd you go?

Larry · Bill Buckner · Susie:Hey, Buck, catch. What?! What are you doing? - What the fuck?

Larry · Susie · Bill Buckner:Hey, Buck, catch. What?! What are you doing? It was a horseshit throw. No, it was a horseshit catch also.

Jeff · Susie · Bill Buckner:It was Mookie Wilson, Buckner! Yeah. What'd Mookie do? All he hit was a shitty ground ball.

Susie:Susie asks 'What, are you trying to turn him gay?' about the sewing machine

Greg · Larry · Susie:Greg makes swastika pillow sham and credits Larry for teaching him about Hitler

Jeff · Susie:Jeff gets hit by bike and says 'I took a bullet for you' to Susie

Susie:"The idea sucks, Lar."

Susie:The idea sucks, Lar.

Susie:She also happens to be a lesbian.

Susie:Fatwa?! No, cocksucker. Foisted!

Susie · Larry:You think Sammi was talented at her age? / No, I don't.

Susie:What do you get? You don't get shit.

Susie · Larry · Jeff:She's not interested in you, Larry. / She's swooning. / She's swooning?

Larry · Susie:I saw her dance. She's not... she's not much of a dancer. Oh, what the fuck do you know, Larry? You know talent? You know dancing?

Susie · Elizabeth Banks:I could show Elizabeth right now a video of her dancing, which is magnificent. I'll watch that video and you can watch a video of Mr. Noodle chasing a string.

Susie:Why the fuck do you call him 'Elvid'?

Larry · Jeff · Susie:House surprise for Susie cover story - Larry claims he was surprising her with house purchase

Larry · Susie · Jeff:Barneys Warehouse confidentiality standoff - Larry refuses to reveal source despite mounting pressure

Larry · Jeff · Susie:Larry's dramatic protection of doctor-patient confidentiality: 'Not today, not tomorrow, not ever!'

Jeff · Susie · Richard:Jeff's mysterious kitchen praise: 'You, especially, are going to appreciate it.' 'Why are you especially?' 'I have no fucking idea.'

Larry · Susie:Larry's sarcastic thanks series: 'Thank you for serving the hors d'oeuvres. Thank you for being a very good manager. Thank you for coming over in this brisk weather.'

Susie · Larry · Marty · Jeff:Maybe if you would've seen Cheryl off a few more times, you'd still be together. / I don't think so. / He wants to, trust me. / No, trust me, he doesn't. / Jeff, do you want to? / No. / Well, you're going to.

Marilyn · Susie:What... what is an accidental text on purpose? / You send somebody a text, pretending it to be to somebody else so they think they're reading a private text. But, really, what they're trying to do is give you the information that they want to manipulate you with. It's bullshit.

Larry · Susie:I would be a little concerned if it was my daughter. - Well, you know, there's no accounting for who's attracted to... look, I'm attracted to Jeff. Go figure that one.

Larry · Susie:Do-does she know about the fatwa? - Yeah, and guess what? That turned her on!

Susie · Larry:You are on an Uber rating, you're like a... a two. - A two? - On a good day. On a good day! - Fuck you! A two, okay? - Yeah. I'm a four, baby! I'm an Uber four.

Susie · Larry:Oh, Jesus Christ! What are you doing up here? This is upstairs. You don't come upstairs in somebody's house. - W-why? What's so special about... - This is my boudoir! It's off-limits! Off-limits!

Susie · Larry:Mrs. Cleaver hated Eddie Haskell 'cause Eddie Haskell was a kiss-ass, obsequious, little shit. - I think he had access to the house. - But that's because the boys were upstairs. - Okay, so all I'm asking for is Haskell-access. I want the same... I want the same privileges as Eddie Haskell! Is that asking too much?!

Larry · Susie:Has Jeff seen you in those curlers of late? - Get! Out! Out! Out! - Oh, what a fucking asshole.

Susie:Fuck me, Tex!

Larry · Susie:Larry's sentimental speech about Sammi: 'I've known Sammi since she was born. And one of the great joys in my life has been watching her blossom into this beautiful, sophisticated young lady.' 'Are you serious?' 'No.'

Larry · Susie · Jeff:Larry's stupid question acknowledgment: 'Were you fixed up because you're deaf?' 'Ugh, stupid fucking question.' 'No, I'm not asking them that.' 'I think it's a good question.'

Larry · Susie:Ladies and gentlemen, the 16th president of these United States... Yeah, yeah. You're funny. ...Abraham Lincoln. Let's give him a big round of applause.

Susie · Larry:This hat is very similar to the one that Kate Middleton wore. Okay? You don't know shit. I know you look ridiculous. How about that?

Larry · Susie:Hey, you know what? Somebody has to stand up for that fetus. You don't know anything about fetuses. I know you don't go on a treadmill eight months pregnant.

Cheryl · Susie:You're such an asshole. You are such... I mean, I'm, I'm fighting for my life, and this is what you're... Susie? What are you guys doing here?

Susie · Larry:I knew it. I knew something was going on with you two. I could smell it. That night at our house. The ventriloquist. He drove you home. Something's been going on here. I knew it. I knew it! Bravo! Bravo, Poirot.

Cheryl · Susie:Because he just flew in from San Francisco and he texted me when he landed. I... Because he's her significant other, and you're her significant nothing! Just keep your fuckin' trap shut! Go!

Susie · Larry:You've never gotten me a birthday gift. I did this year!

Susie:From you, of all people, 'cause you're not a giver.

Susie:All is forgiven. Everything you've ever done, every horrible thing you've done to me is forgiven for this.

Susie:You ruined my painting! You destroyed it!

Susie:It's like a buttermilk biscuit without the butter in it.

Susie:The Willikers do not give their weight.

Susie:Get the fuck out! Go back to your little fucking hovel, with your unbrushed teeth!

Susie:I always carry an extra dress in case there's a dress emergency. It's gonna look gorgeous on you.

Susie · Matilda:Jesus fucking Christ, you're amazing! - You're gonna clean my makeup brushes. - Oh, my God. You're a fucking saint!

Susie · Larry:But keep Leon away from her, please. - That I can't guarantee.

Susie:You breached. You made a solemn promise, a vow, and you fucking breached, asshole.

Larry · Susie:People hate surprise parties. / You, maybe. Everybody I know loves a surprise party. / No. Everybody.

Larry · Susie:The guy's got a heart condition. / Surprises are dangerous! / He'll be happy? He'll be dead.

Susie:He is so transparent. He's trying to finagle an invitation to the party. / We had two dinners with him and his wife. Aggressively boring, fuckin' brutal.

Larry · Susie:You're trying to kill him. / Trying to kill who? / Jeff. You want to give him a heart attack, and you want him to die at that party. That's your plan, isn't it?

Susie:You ruin this surprise party, I'm gonna fuck you up.

Susie:'Cause it fucking sucks here right now. Look at this... weather, this rain, it's so oppressive. / Bahamas! Here I come, baby! I've been waiting so long for this. I can't wait to get the fuck out of here.

Susie · Rusty · Jeff · Larry:We left you a message. / I didn't get the message. / You're a liar! / Oh, no. I... Ow. Ow. / You are a liar! / You're a liar. / Ow. Ow. Oh... / You're a liar! / Oh! Oh! / Heart attack! / My heart. / Rusty! Rusty!

Susie:How did I wind up here?! / Oh, my God!

Larry · Susie · Ted:Susie being seated in the good-looking section, Larry's outrage

Susie:"And I'm not a meeskite, you bald fuck!"

Susie · Larry:Did you have sex with my sister Becky? Who said that? Becky! What did she say? She said, 'Guess who I fucked?'

Susie · Larry:That's, that's like prostitution. It was consensual sex between two adults! There's nothing wrong with that, as far as I know!

Susie:You marched over there, you got a fuckin' blow job, and then you gave the house away.

Susie:So, the character is a disgusting pervert? That's good.

Larry · Cheryl · Susie:Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry. Ted and Larry, it's just like you and your sister. It's the same thing. It's nowhere close. It is not close. It is close! She slept with my friend, Ted Danson. Okay? Okay. That's fine. But I can't sleep with her sister?

Susie:Because Ted is like a sister to Larry. Yeah!

Susie · Jeff:What the fuck are you so happy about right now? Nothing. Bags back in the car. I'm not going.

Larry · Susie:I don't see the hood. By the way, I don't believe you.

Susie:Let me tell you something, dementia boy, you gave me a lifetime guarantee and I don't care if you don't remember your dog's fucking name.

Jeff · Susie:Can we keep a couple aged? You see what you're doing now? You're turning him against my nice new towels.

Larry · Susie:I don't really like a purposeless walk. But thank you. - What does that mean, a purposeless walk? The walk is the purpose.

Susie:Larry, shut up. No, you're not.

Susie · Harry:Wait. Is it the same one you're in, Harry? - It's... I'm doing a hot dog eating contest with Larry tomorrow.

Susie:What am I, Little House on the fucking Prairie here? I don't know cows and farms!

Susie · Larry · Jeff:You're so fucking judgmental. / Do you like Pirate Booty? / No, it's disgusting.

Susie · Larry:So what? What do you mean 'So what'? There's a sense of entitlement there, it's not a good quality.

Larry · Susie:It's disgusting. - Love it. You don't like Lilac? I'm surprised at you. I really am.

Susie · Larry:What are you? You're fucking Irma Kostroski now? Well, that's a rather crude way of putting it. Do I make love to her? Yes, I do.

Larry · Susie:And he found out about the five-foot fence law. - He's extorting you? - Yeah. - That's why she's cast.

Susie · Larry:Ba-dump-bump. - The fuck was that? - What? Where you get that expression from?

Susie:Irma Kostroski! Keep your fucking hands off of my husband, you homewrecker! You whore! You slut!

Susie:I smell the lilacs, baby. I smell the lilacs and I knew it was you.

Susie:Hiding a second fucking phone, you asshole. Are you kidding me? Really, Jeff? Really? You stupid moron, you are fucking caught, asshole. Gotcha.

Susie:Take this down. She's fucking my husband. 'Ba-dump-bump.'

Larry · Susie:Your knees when you stand. It's like somebody's marching... Oh, Jesus Christ! Shut the fuck up, will ya?

Larry · Susie:Tell her you got vaginal rejuvenation surgery... Because, she wants to get vaginal rejuvenation surgery. And this'll put her out of commission for six weeks. So... Oh, so, you don't have to have sex with her?

Susie:So my vagina has to get involved in this whole fucking thing?

Susie:There's this really, really gorgeous, expensive vase I want... Get Jeff to buy me that vase, I'll tell her I did a million different things to my vagina.

Susie:Jeff, my fucking husband, Jeff, has been cheating on me, and I thought it was you. And I just... I went crazy, and it wasn't you. It was this little putain who works for the Hulu guy

Irma · Susie:Did you get the labial reconstruction too? The labia, the... The clitoris, they unhooded it? You had the hood taken... Yeah, yes, it made everything better. I don't know the details. Yeah, yeah, they took the hood off the clitoris.

Irma · Susie · Larry:Susie... could I, you know, take a look? At my vagina? Yeah, she... she's got to get going, uh, you know, she'll show you the vagina another time.

Susie · Larry:Your vase broke... Well, I guess you're just gonna have to go get another one. Because if you don't, Larry, I am gonna sit the lovely Irma Kostroski down, and I'm gonna tell her horror after horror about the vaginal rejuvenation surgery.

Susie:I'm gonna tell her that I had a hematoma the size of fucking Kansas... That I had necrosis. That my labia was so swollen, I couldn't walk for months... Her worst nightmare.

Susie · Jeff:You wanna rejuvenate your vagina? Yes, they do a tightening and a lift... You got it.

Susie · Jeff:Jeff, I am not mad at you about the vase anymore. Really? Yeah. You and your clumsy friend are off the hook. What? 'Cause I came up with something I'd rather have. What? Tell me. Vaginal rejuvenation surgery.

Larry · Susie:How'd your vagina surgery go? I haven't even asked. - It was good. It went well. - So you got a new vagina? - I have a new vagina.

Larry · Susie · Jeff:Would you consider maybe, uh... me sampling your wares? Is that possible? - My vagina? - Yes! - Would you mind? - Not at all, feel free.

Susie · Larry · Jeff · Leon:Susie threatens they'll eat the security deposit and demands exact replacement immediately

Susie · Larry:Susie loves the sunglasses gift, calls them 'to die for' in Long Island accent reference

Susie:Oh! Another fucking gift? You two sneaky cocksuckers.

Susie:Hair dye. All right, you two. You have really gone too far this time.

Susie:Susie recognizes lawyer looks like Giuliani: 'It's Giuliani! No wonder I thought he looked like an asshole.'

Susie:'Do you smell musk? The sex musk you release is great for conception.'

Susie:'This little boy, this little beautiful, little creature is dead, and you continue to play?'

Larry · Susie:Hey, shut the fuck up. - Don't you talk to my dog that way!

Jeff · Susie:What the fuck? Much healthier. Thank you.

Susie:He's never fucking home... But the issue is, he hates the fucking place.

Susie:Catch as Caftan

Susie · Jeff:There's a dick in my mouth? - In your mouth. - With balls? - A drawing. A drawing.

Susie · Larry:Susie's business boom revelation and Larry's 'post-penis bump' theory

Fan · Susie:On the count of three, turn your head to the right. One, two, three... Oh, yeah. And keep my wife's business out of your motherfucking mouth!

Susie:If you're so worked up about this that you're having nightmares, it's a sign you should not come.

Susie:Oy. That farbissina punim.

Susie · Larry:She wants you to be fat? Yes, she does. So I retaliated... Because she's jealous that I'm thinner than her and I have more style than her.

Susie:Because he's a fucking pig. It's not my problem.

Susie:He had a dream last night, Larry. A nightmare about the trip... I believe in respecting the unconscious.

Susie · Larry:You're Frick and Frack, attached at the hip. Frick and Frack, the ice skating team... From the '30s. A lot of people don't know that. Swedish. I think they're Swiss.

Jeff · Susie:What, is there a difference? So, you need him? He doesn't know the difference between Sweden and Switzerland.

Larry · Susie:What are you looking for? I'm looking for the cheese. Oh, it's gone. What? I ate it. You ate the Vonderdonk? Yeah.

Susie · Larry:It was in my refrigerator, and I believe possession is nine-tenths of the law. What's the other tenth? Fucking over your friends and eating their cheese?

Susie · Larry:You're a walking fucking virus, Larry! Let me tell you something! You're the virus! Injecting yourself into everybody's lives! You're the virus! You're the virus!

Susie:You cold-hearted, COVID-carrying cocksucker!

Larry · Jeff · Susie · Richard:We don't wanna hear that. Why can't you-- 'Cause it's a picture of you, uh... No, no! You don't have to picture me. Picture her!